Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Marriage, Relationships · February 17, 2018

10 Things To Do To Bond With Your Husband

I don’t want to say this and make you feel as though you need to be extremely adventurous with your husband in order to keep the flame alive. You don’t need to travel the world together and live completely spontaneously and impulsively in order to keep him on his toes. Like I said, sometimes life demands routine and I don’t want you to feel stuck in it. What I’m here to tell you is that you and your husband can thrive, even in the midst of daily routine.

Let’s face it, sometimes life turns into a routine. Honestly, sometimes it’s just easier that way. If you have kids, kids love schedules! Humans are prone to routine. But just as if a bicycle was routinely left out in the rain and never used, it’s bound to get rusty. Marriages can certainly use schedules and plans and methods, but if left unchecked, routine can create distance and complacency. Even more, routine could create blindness, because you come to expect things to happen always be the same. It may lead you to believe that everything is just fine because nothing really looks different from the outside. You and hubs come home from work, smooch, talk about what he and you have going on that night or the next day, how the kids were that day, and then after kids go to bed, veg out because everyone needs their decompression time.

I don’t want to say this and make you feel as though you need to be extremely adventurous with your husband in order to keep the flame alive. You don’t need to travel the world together and live completely spontaneously and impulsively in order to keep him on his toes. Like I said, sometimes life demands routine and I don’t want you to feel stuck in it.

What I’m here to tell you is that you and your husband can thrive, even in the midst of daily routine. I’ll give you a few tips as to how:

1 | Put the phones away

I can say this because I’m the most guilty of it. Working from home and also running my blog means I’m online a lot. My attention is always divided between work and life. Not to mention that decompression time also takes place while scrolling through Insta a lot. I often tell Josh that being on my phone allows me to multitask. Which is kiiind of true but not really. See, when I’m working on my phone, I’m just switching back and forth a lot faster between family and work. Not “multitasking” in the true sense of the word.” When I’m on my phone, I’m really in a different world completely. And I think a lot of us are this way. The fact of the matter is, when we’re on our phones, we’re not present.

This is the most basic way we can put an effort into bonding with our spouse but I feel like it still needs to be said. When Josh and I were first married, I didn’t have a blog or a job that made me work from home. We didn’t even have cable or Netflix. We hung out together and talked so much! I bet if I asked you, you could remember a time when you and your hubs were like that too. So. All this to say. Put the phones away, turn the TV off some nights, and have a conversation.

2 | Admit that he’s good at something- to his face

As wives, I think we can tend to hold a quiet grudge against our husbands because… well, because of a lot of reasons. It may have been something he did that made you feel unloved. It may have been a time that he didn’t side with you while making a decision and you felt like your opinion wasn’t appreciated. Maybe at some point you thought you were smarter or worked harder or… something. Whatever it was, even if we’re not unhappy, we can still tend to carry hurt and resentment around in the back of our minds which makes us not want to give credit where credit is due. So even if your husband does do something that is kind, or encouraging, or self-sacrificing, our minds go back to the time when he did the opposite and we write off the positive thing he did.

Instead, it’s only fair to remember that your husband is a human. There have been times when we’ve been selfish and times when we’ve been selfless. As much as humans are drawn to routine, we can also be hurtfully inconsistent. Do your best to see your husband the way you would like to be seen and take the good with the bad.

So what does this look like?

It basically just means being open and affirmative, and treating him how you would like to be treated. Don’t patronize, but give credit where credit is due and praise your hubs for goodness sake. And no, praising your husband doesn’t make you a 1950’s wife.

3 | Don’t just listen. Actively listen

There are things that interest my husband that are of no interest to me. Like video games. Couldn’t care less. Or other things like sports. I *like* soccer and football, Josh loves them. Even so, being his best friend, of course he’s going to want to talk about the things he loves with me. I don’t want to make him have to go to someone else for that. Sure, he has friends, but he should be able to talk to his best friend about anything and everything. So even though Josh knows how I feel about video games and football, I’m all ears if he wants to talk. Even more, I’ll ask questions. Like I said, Josh knows how I feel. I don’t have to fake that I like these things more than I do, but even though I feel “Eh” about the things he likes, I still like seeing his face light up when we talk about them, so I do my best to engage. And he does the same for me! He’s actually learned a lot about the process of blogging and what I do for work because we talk about it and he asks questions. He’s even started to help me do a few administrative things around the blog.

All this to say, even if you don’t find all of your husband’s interests interesting, try to engage even still. Ask questions and simply show an interest in the things he enjoys.

Also read: 20 Fun questions that will tell you more about your significant other

4 | Initiate sexy time

Every couple is different and everyone has varying sex drives. Even if your husband has a stronger sex drive than you (which I’ll take a risk and say that that might be the majority of women reading this) I’m sure he’d appreciate having that intimate time initiated by you here and there. Our husbands are more sensitive than we think (I think) and if we never initiate sex, they may begin to feel like we’re not attracted to them. Sure, we might have less of a need for it, but we’d probably feel the same way if our husband never pursued us sexually. We’d begin to wonder if he wasn’t attracted to us either. Do him a favor and surprise him once in a while and put effort into an intimate time together. You’ll be surprised to see what little bit of planning can go a long way!

5 | Get outside together

Honestly, there’s just something about being outside that hits a reset button. If you’ve had a bad day, feel stressed, or just got into it with the hubs, somehow being outside and breathing in the fresh air makes it just a little better. My 10-month-old gets it. When she’s feeling sassy or grumpy but it’s too early to let her sleep, we just bring her outside and she forgets she was mad.

Why not make it a routine for you and the hubs to take an after-dinner stroll and talk. No need to force the talking, though. Sometimes being together in silence is ok, too. But I find that Josh and I have great conversations when walking outside together.

6 | Find a common hobby

As much as it’s great to show interest in each others’ unique hobbies, having an interest in common can give you a lot to talk about. You might spend time together learning about that topic, working together on it, talking to others about it, etc. Josh and I really enjoy eating relatively healthy and working out together. Since it’s a passion we both share, we do it together, talk about it together, talk to others about it, and praise each other when we’ve been consistently working hard at it.

7 | If you have kids, talk about something else

Leading from our last point- your kids can’t be your “common interest.” Sure, having kids with someone means talking about them a lot. They take up a large place in our minds! But being able to talk about things that don’t have to do with your children will be a skill that’ll come in handy down the road. Too many new empty-nesters find themselves struggling to reconnect with their spouse because there’s a silence that settles in. Kids are topics of conversation as well as conversation buffers (meaning that when there’s a lull, you can count on them to chime in). Challenge yourself to be alone with your husband, with no distractions like TV, and have a real conversation. Silence or lulls are not a bad thing, but talking with your husband about something more than schedules and family members should happen often.

8 | Make date nights different

Dinner dates are nice because they don’t really take any planning and- hey- it fills a need. People gotta eat, right? But if that’s all our dates ever consist of, date night is going to turn into (you guessed it) a routine. Instead, take a little time earlier in the week to plan something- not extravagant- but out of the ordinary for the weekend. Travel to the next town over and walk the streets and discover something new.

Check out a few of these date idea posts for inspiration:

CHEAP DATE IDEAS FOR WHEN YOU’RE TOTES BROKE

INEXPENSIVE MORNING DATES FOR COUPLES

FALL DATE NIGHT OUTFIT + 10 FALL DATE NIGHT IDEAS

9 | Talk naked

Think it sounds weird? It is until it isn’t! Talking together naked (maybe after point #4 happens) will open up a new level of intimacy with your spouse that is different from having sex. After you have sex, don’t be in a rush to get your clothes back on. Instead, start asking your husband these questions and get talking!

10 | Laugh

I’m probably going to offend someone here (and if I do, you can let me know in the comments), but I don’t like “LIVE LAUGH LOVE” wall hangings. Or t-shirts. Tattoos. Or anything of the like. By now, we’ve all heard that phrase 1000 times and, to be honest, I’m over it. That being said, while you’re living with your husband, you should also be loving and laughing. Even though, especially as a Christian, I believe our lives have purpose and we have a mission, I also don’t think we need to take everything seriously all the time. Especially ourselves! One of the hardest things Josh and I had to work through when we were first married was our different senses of humor. We rarely laughed at the same funny parts in movies and we often were left giving each other weird looks when we would try to be funny. Over time, our senses of humor merged together and we make each other laugh all the time. My point is, don’t take yourself too seriously and live, laugh, love.

So, to prepare for our long road trip, I’ve been doing some research and compiling a list of things and tips that will help us actually enjoy the drive and not go insane. Here’s that list:

I don’t want to say this and make you feel as though you need to be extremely adventurous with your husband in order to keep the flame alive. You don’t need to travel the world together and live completely spontaneously and impulsively in order to keep him on his toes. Like I said, sometimes life demands routine and I don’t want you to feel stuck in it. What I’m here to tell you is that you and your husband can thrive, even in the midst of daily routine.

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: activity, ask, bond, communicate, date night, distractions, hobbies, husband, initiate, intimate, kids, laugh, life, listen, love, marriage, outside, phone, questions, sex, spouse, talk, time, together, tv, wife

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Comments

  1. Teri Ann Lopez says

    February 17, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Chelsea.
    Thanks for sharing YOUR tips. Both me and my Fiance do quite a bit of them in your post. I really enjoyed the articles and will continue to focus in Our Bonding as we look towards our Future as Husband & Wife.

  2. Tiffany Montgomery says

    February 17, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    We’ve had the flu for 2 weeks and I have had no interest in anything at night except to lie down… so no phone, no tv, no tablets. And we’ve just been talking. I feel more connected to that man than I have in a long time!

  3. Thomas Paul says

    February 18, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    Talking naked? I have to say that’s the first time I hear that! haha. must be interesting though, i’m just doubting on how awkard that proposal might be.

  4. Ayanna @ 21FlavorsofSplendor says

    March 1, 2018 at 11:11 am

    Love this!! It is so easy in marriage to get stuck in a routine and I often have to fight against it. I never looked at it as creating “blindness”, but that is so true. All the tips are so helpful and encouraging.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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