Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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engaged, Marriage, Relationships, Weddings · August 27, 2017

25 Pieces of Advice From Marrieds to Newlyweds

Hey friends. Have you ever been to a wedding where on one of the tables somewhere at the reception there was a box, pile of blank paper, and a couple fancy-looking pens? You wonder what it’s for and look up to see a small sign asking you to write your best marriage advice for the newlywed couple. If you were the couple getting married, I’d like to know if you’ve ever gone back to read what people wrote. If your wedding was anything like mine and Josh’s, the thoughtful notes got packed up with the tulle during the cleanup hustle and bustle and you never got the chance to really read and think about the newlywed advice that was given to you. If that’s the case, then you’re in luck. I asked my dear friends and ladies in the Sweet Wives Facebook Community for their best marriage advice for newlywed couples. Read what they had to say below.

Jocelyn

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Also, people are more important than things. Family is more important than the material things you have together.

Ashlin

I would say to remember that life after your wedding day is not going to be much different than it was before (apart from living together maybe). I say this not as a negative but more as a positive. Just don’t forget to build your relationship upon the attributes you want it to reflect after the “big day”. If you’re used to making decisions just for yourself without much consideration for the other because you’re just dating, those habits may find a way into your marriage as well. Build your house upon the rocks, not the sand.

Scott

Focus your eyes on God/Jesus and not your Spouse. Your Spouse will surely disappoint you where as God never disappoints. If both choose to do this then you will grower closer to not only God, but to each other as well.

Thus each begins to look internally concerning themselves with being the the best spouse for the other, instead of looking externally at the other and being overcome with despair and disappointment.

Kayleigh

Forgive your spouse quickly. Oh…and go on lots of dates.

Katie

When you are angry, walk into a different room, give yourself 5 minutes and go back and talk it out. That, and ask “why” a lot. Like, “Why do you feel that way?, why is it important to you?, etc. you should always seek to learn more about your spouse.

Carolyn

Let it go.

Leslie

Extremely tough to pick one since I teach on this regularly. But Ultimately it would be to love Jesus MORE than you love your spouse for that will always help you to love your spouse the way God intended.

Other big focus points would be 1) never look to your spouse for what is designed to be provided by God. 2) your spouse is not ever the enemy (no matter how angry you may feel). 3) if you always have to be right, it means your spouse has to always be wrong 4) forgive – period!!!

Matina

Grace lots and lots of it, and to talk about “expectations” like the unrealistic ones haha.

Catherine

Let it go and ask yourself if it’s really worth getting angry over! If you can’t honestly say that you’ll be angry over this 48 hours from now, is it worth it?

Don

Remember that when you wake up in the morning, there is only one pair of pants in the closet. If the husband wants to lead his family the way the Lord intended, he needs to put on those pants, and not leave them for his wife.

Linda

Laugh a lot. Forgive even more.

Rachel

Set weekly goals to improve the relationship (communication, love language, etc). Don’t stop trying to improve things.

Karissa

Maybe not as profound as everyone else… but enjoy each other in the “just you two” days!

Kids are wonderful and precious and (a different kind of) fun, but so were the kid-free years early on. Make some memories in those days when it’s just you two, because it doesn’t last forever, and it really is a sweet time. At least in my experience. Obviously, some come into marriage with kids already or choose not to have kiddos.

Helena

To read For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Ayana

Do not get so wrapped up in your husband or your marriage that you lose sight of who you are and your really good friends. You and your marriage will need to support and love of those around you.

Mary

Become an active listener and work on developing your communication skills to suit your relationship.

Rachel

Don’t expect things that are unrealistic from your spouse and communicate every step of the way in the ups and downs. Put the other first even when it’s not being done to you, lead by example.

Kelly H

Communication is key. Don’t fight over finances. You either have the money, or you don’t.

Kelly D

Your marriage is going to change and feel different over time – especially when having kids. And to remember that those changes are normal and to embrace them.

Heather

Patients is key! And remember true love is also a choice we make not a fuzzy feeling we get, so even if times are hard you will always have love!

Sarah

To relax and trust God and the plans he has for us.

Andra

Lower your expectations, very low…. the disappointment is painful. Say something pleasant and loving to him each day. You do your part, eventually things settle in comfortably

Jennifer

Think long haul. While each problem may seem so big, when you look back over the years it isn’t that big a deal but those little good moments string together and become a huge thing. No one remembers who forgot to pick up milk but you do remember those first moments in the delivery room when your husband held his son or daughter for the first time or those fun nights when you lost power in your first apartment and ate takeout by candlelight.

Jenn

He can’t read your mind despite how well he knows you.

Kayla

Pray more for your husband. Develop diligence in the Lord BEFORE getting married. Devotions together are amazing but you need a strong personal prayer life to receive the grace you need to be the wife he needs.

Been married a little while? What’s your best marriage advice? Leave yours in the comments below!

In: engaged, Marriage, Relationships, Weddings · Tagged: advice, anger, angry, Christian, communication, date night, disappointment, divorce, expectations, for women only, forgive, grace, husband, Jesus, listen, love, marriage, married, newlywed, people, pray, separation, spouse, tips, unrealistic, wedding, wife

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Comments

  1. Shimonkepha says

    August 27, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    I really love these pieces of advice.
    Thanks everyone for sharing.
    I notice that married couples are hardly patient with themselves quite unlike others. Why?

  2. Sylvia says

    September 18, 2017 at 12:32 pm

    When my husband and I married our priest said that people are not loved because they make themselves perfect. He said, “People are loved when they render themselves vulnerable.” I never forgot those words and I believe they are true. Also, when you marry, your spouse is not normal. It takes a while to establish your own norms. I believe that when we marry and combine different family traditions, we create healthier ways just as we do when we combine a variety of genes.

  3. chuksemmy says

    September 22, 2017 at 2:48 am

    thsnk alot

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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