Creating intimany and a happy marriage doesn’t just happen over night. And if left unattended, your relationship can erode over weeks and even years of neglect.
Like a garden, marriage takes consistent and delicate care in order to flourish. It doesn’t necessarily take annual trips to Fiji in order to thrive, but small, intentional and thoughtful actions each day that let your husband know that you still care deeply for him and you’re in it for the long haul.
Here are a few tips that will help you increase your intimacy and ultimately your happiness in your marriage:
Ladies, I’m just going to say it, your husband doesn’t want to do it with a sack of potatoes that doesn’t show any interest all the time.
Here’s what doesn’t matter: how attractive you think you look, the timing, even how good you think you are at sex.
What does matter is that you show your husband you’re still into him.
For us, our sexuality is a mixture of so many things: how confident we feel, how attractive we feel, our stress level, how supported we feel, how close we feel to our husband.
And those are all very important things that need care and attention. But all those factors don’t need to dictate your sex life.
Sex is one of the ways your husband feels affection from you and if you always hold out because the stars are not aligned, he may end up feeling pushed away and not valuable in your eyes.
All that to say, it doesn’t need to be a red wine, roses petals, and candlelight kind of night. But, lets say, every other week or even once a month initiating sex with your husband (ie letting him know that you’re attracted to him and want him) can go a really long way in both of your satisfaction and happiness!
Say thank you – a lot
Take it from me, it’s easy to grumble about a lot of things.
“How on earth does he not pick up this mess?” “Why am I always the one who has to…?” “Why couldn’t he just be more…?”
And it can be extremely easy to overlook the good he does when we hold on to resentment for other things.
Oftentimes I’ve found both for my husband and myself, that we are both more eager to serve each other self-sacrificially when we feel as though it’s seen and appreciated.
No one likes to feel as though all of their random acts of kindness are for nothing, so telling your husband or significant other that you noticed what they did and you’re grateful can go a long way and could even motivate them to help out more.
Do one small thing each day that they like
After a few years of marriage, the days can start to run together and it feels as though each days is a long routine that ends with phone time in bed and then saying goodnight to each other, only to start the same thing again the next morning.
Instead, try doing one small thing each day that helps your significant other feel seen and loved.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Give them a 5-minute neck massage (or wherever is sore after a day at work).
- Make them a snack or drink after the kids go to bed.
- Ask them about their day.
- Go on a walk around your neighborhood after dinner.
- Send them an email during the day saying “I love you! Hope you have a great day.”
- Actively participate in one of their hobbies (video games, watching sports, bike tuning, etc).
- Listen to an interesting podcast together and then bring up your favorite points afterwards.
What would you add to the list above? Leave your ideas in the comments below and let me know how you make your husband or significant other feel special each day.