Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Guest Post, Marriage, Relationships · March 28, 2016

3 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Spouse

Even on the worst of days, you can find at least one good thing to focus on and that one little thing can make all the difference.

This post was written by my blogger friend, Amberly, from A Prioritized Marriage (bio below!)

Earlier this year, I read an article that talked about the things that we need to stop telling married couples. The premise of the article is that currently married couples are too often downplaying how great that union can really be. Rather than sharing all of the joy that marriage brings to our lives, we give them the idea that after a certain amount of time, the love in your relationship dies. We tell couples that things will be different after the first year, after they have kids, etc. While every stage of life brings with it unique challenges that require you to make adjustments as a team, you can keep that just married excitement and love alive throughout your life together. You have the power to determine how life and the obstacles that it throws your way will affect your marriage. You can choose find joy or you can choose to let things drag you down and turn your relationship into exactly what some couples say that it will be, loveless.

Personally, I choose to find joy in my relationship every day and continue to build the love in my marriage. Even on the worst of days, you can find at least one good thing to focus on and that one little thing can make all the difference.

Start a Journal for Your Relationship

This can be a gratitude journal, a good moments journal, a memories journal, whatever you want it to be. The important thing is that you are looking for at least one positive thing to write in it every day. If your spouse will participate and write down one thing as well, that’s even better! Take note of something your spouse did that you’re grateful for or really appreciated, a moment when you knew they loved you, a trait of theirs that you admire or something memorable that happened that you don’t want to forget. You’ll find that the more you are looking for positive things to write in your journal, the more joy you’ll have in your life and the more joy you will get from your marriage. When we shift our focus, our attitude and the things around us change as well.

Talk Often

When you talk to your spouse, make sure that you are not only talking about how your day has gone and all of the things that go into running your household. Just like when you were dating, you should still be talking about your hopes and dreams both as individuals and as a couple, your current interests and disinterests, and the things that you like to do for fun together. You may think you know everything about each other, but things change over time and there is always something new that you can learn about your spouse. The day to day workings of your household are important, but they won’t keep the spark alive  in your marriage the way that the fun conversations will. If you struggle to find a way to get those relationship building conversations going, there are a lot of great books and games that can help you get started. I shared one of my favorites in a post on my blog a few months ago.

Create a Ritual

Rituals are a great tool for strengthening family and couple relationships. Knowing that you have that one special thing planned for the two of you will give you something to look forward to. When life gets tough, you can find a glimmer of sunshine together through your traditions. Whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood, a bowl of ice cream or a special treat before bed, watching an episode of your favorite show together weekly (or daily if it’s on Netflix), afternoon naps on the weekend or anything else. Find something that the two of you enjoy doing together, decide why that thing is meaningful to you as a couple, and start to make it a habit. If you want to add rituals later on down the road, or if your ritual needs to change depending on your stage in life, that is ok too. Just make sure to always have a little something out of the ordinary that you are doing together.

Having a happy, joy filled marriage no matter your stage in life or how long you’ve been together is possible, but you have to put forth effort in order for that to happen. If you are willing to make your spouse a priority on a daily basis, you won’t end up in the type of marriage that some people think is normal. You can be as happy as you were the day that you were married for your entire lives!

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Amberly
Amberly is a Family Studies major who believed that quality time, traditions, and communication help to build healthy relationships. She blogs about marriage because she wants to inspire other couples to put their marriage first strive to build a better relationship with each other and create the best marriage they can!
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Latest posts by Amberly (see all)
  • 3 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Spouse - March 28, 2016

In: Guest Post, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: communication, connect, forgive, husband, journal, joy, love, marriage, Relationships, ritual, walk, wife

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Comments

  1. Rachel @ Countdowns and Cupcakes says

    April 8, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    I love the ritual idea! We focus on turning off the TV and putting down the phones at dinner. It helps us actually focus on each other!

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      That’s a great ritual to have!! Technology can be such a distraction when you’re trying to spend quality time together.

  2. Dana says

    April 8, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Communication is key! At the end of the day you are partners and need to be on the same page!

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      Yes! And to be aware of what the other person is thinking.

  3. Ashley L says

    April 8, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    I love the journal tip because I recently started doing that for my husband. I have a “Why I Love You” journal and I continually record things he does that remind me of why I love him. It could be something as simple as taking out the bathroom trash after my, ummm, “time of the month” or something as big as buying me an unexpected gift. He struggles w/ depression and anxiety so that journal is a great resource he can turn to when he’s feeling depressed and needs reminders of how great he is and why he is so important to me.

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      I love that! And it has a very practical application for him personally it sounds like! Thanks for sharing Ashley!

  4. Brittany Putman says

    April 8, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    I feel like communication in marriage is everything! And it’s not just that you talk but how you talk to each other. Awesome post, Amberly!

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      How you talk to each other is very important! Thanks Brittany 🙂

  5. Jen says

    April 8, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    Communication is absolutely key!

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Definitely! Without communication, nothing else will work.

  6. Cori says

    April 8, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    When you have company, try to take a few moments each day to have to yourself and talk openly about whatever. Sometimes you can’t say what you want/need to when company is around.

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      That’s a great idea!! 🙂 I love it. Thanks for sharing Cori!

  7. Chelsea says

    April 8, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    I love the idea of journaling about your relationship. I journal about my own life and have never thought about journaling about my own relationship! What a great tactic.

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      I bet you put a bit about your relationship in your personal journal! It’s just fun to have a journal that the two of you are working to fill with great things about your relationship.

  8. Amanda | Maple Alps says

    April 8, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Great tips. My husband and I hardly see each other all day, so at night, it’s not uncommon for us to be up talking till hours we should probably be sleeping in. Oops! But it’s so worth it.

  9. Lindsay says

    April 8, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    I couldn’t agree more. It’s so important to cultivate and nurture that special relationship with your spouse. I feel like often times, people forget that they’re in it TOGETHER.
    I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • Amberly says

      April 8, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you Lindsay! I love that you pointed out people are in it together! 🙂 Everything is easier and better when you’re doing it as a team!

  10. Kalyn says

    April 8, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I definitely agree that keeping communication open and honest is key to having a relationship healthy. I enjoy talking with my husband about every day ordinary things and the big things. He is my favorite person to talk to!

    • Amberly says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      It’s definitely a good sign when your husband is your favorite person to talk to!

  11. Jenny says

    April 8, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    Such an awesome post! As someone who is about to be married in a few months – this post will truly come in handy.

    xoxo, Jenny

    • Amberly says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Married life is my favorite 🙂

  12. Susannah says

    April 8, 2016 at 10:29 pm

    These are such fabulous tips! It gets so discouraging to me when I hear time and time again people downplay the wonderful aspects of marriage. Sure marriage is hard but, if done right, it’s the best kind of hard! <3

    • Amberly says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      Yes! Exactly!!! I feel like too often in society, we focus on the “limiting” things about marriage. But marriage doesn’t have to be limiting at all!!!

  13. Ashleigh says

    April 9, 2016 at 7:28 am

    This is great… wonderful tips! Communication and talking often is such a key to success in a marriage! That feeling of being connected is so important. Thank you for sharing!

    • Amberly says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      Communication is definitely a key to success! Thanks Ashleigh!

  14. ruthie says

    April 10, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    “Knowing that you have that one special thing planned for the two of you will give you something to look forward to.” This is so true!! Ben and I need to get better at being intentional! Loved this post!

    • Amberly says

      April 14, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      It takes effort to be intentional and I’m not as perfect at it as I’d like right now either! Thanks for commenting Ruthie!

  15. Andriana | A Love Worth Living For says

    December 13, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    Love these ideas! I agree dreaming and talking about the future together is a great way to build connection. Love the ritual idea!

    • Amberly says

      December 14, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      It is such a great thing to do to dream for the future! It gives you something to look forward to and something to work toward as well.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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