This post was written by my blogger friend, Amberly, from A Prioritized Marriage (bio below!)
Earlier this year, I read an article that talked about the things that we need to stop telling married couples. The premise of the article is that currently married couples are too often downplaying how great that union can really be. Rather than sharing all of the joy that marriage brings to our lives, we give them the idea that after a certain amount of time, the love in your relationship dies. We tell couples that things will be different after the first year, after they have kids, etc. While every stage of life brings with it unique challenges that require you to make adjustments as a team, you can keep that just married excitement and love alive throughout your life together. You have the power to determine how life and the obstacles that it throws your way will affect your marriage. You can choose find joy or you can choose to let things drag you down and turn your relationship into exactly what some couples say that it will be, loveless.
Personally, I choose to find joy in my relationship every day and continue to build the love in my marriage. Even on the worst of days, you can find at least one good thing to focus on and that one little thing can make all the difference.
Start a Journal for Your Relationship
This can be a gratitude journal, a good moments journal, a memories journal, whatever you want it to be. The important thing is that you are looking for at least one positive thing to write in it every day. If your spouse will participate and write down one thing as well, that’s even better! Take note of something your spouse did that you’re grateful for or really appreciated, a moment when you knew they loved you, a trait of theirs that you admire or something memorable that happened that you don’t want to forget. You’ll find that the more you are looking for positive things to write in your journal, the more joy you’ll have in your life and the more joy you will get from your marriage. When we shift our focus, our attitude and the things around us change as well.
Talk Often
When you talk to your spouse, make sure that you are not only talking about how your day has gone and all of the things that go into running your household. Just like when you were dating, you should still be talking about your hopes and dreams both as individuals and as a couple, your current interests and disinterests, and the things that you like to do for fun together. You may think you know everything about each other, but things change over time and there is always something new that you can learn about your spouse. The day to day workings of your household are important, but they won’t keep the spark alive in your marriage the way that the fun conversations will. If you struggle to find a way to get those relationship building conversations going, there are a lot of great books and games that can help you get started. I shared one of my favorites in a post on my blog a few months ago.
Create a Ritual
Rituals are a great tool for strengthening family and couple relationships. Knowing that you have that one special thing planned for the two of you will give you something to look forward to. When life gets tough, you can find a glimmer of sunshine together through your traditions. Whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood, a bowl of ice cream or a special treat before bed, watching an episode of your favorite show together weekly (or daily if it’s on Netflix), afternoon naps on the weekend or anything else. Find something that the two of you enjoy doing together, decide why that thing is meaningful to you as a couple, and start to make it a habit. If you want to add rituals later on down the road, or if your ritual needs to change depending on your stage in life, that is ok too. Just make sure to always have a little something out of the ordinary that you are doing together.
Having a happy, joy filled marriage no matter your stage in life or how long you’ve been together is possible, but you have to put forth effort in order for that to happen. If you are willing to make your spouse a priority on a daily basis, you won’t end up in the type of marriage that some people think is normal. You can be as happy as you were the day that you were married for your entire lives!
Amberly
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- 3 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Spouse - March 28, 2016
I love the ritual idea! We focus on turning off the TV and putting down the phones at dinner. It helps us actually focus on each other!
That’s a great ritual to have!! Technology can be such a distraction when you’re trying to spend quality time together.
Communication is key! At the end of the day you are partners and need to be on the same page!
Yes! And to be aware of what the other person is thinking.
I love the journal tip because I recently started doing that for my husband. I have a “Why I Love You” journal and I continually record things he does that remind me of why I love him. It could be something as simple as taking out the bathroom trash after my, ummm, “time of the month” or something as big as buying me an unexpected gift. He struggles w/ depression and anxiety so that journal is a great resource he can turn to when he’s feeling depressed and needs reminders of how great he is and why he is so important to me.
I love that! And it has a very practical application for him personally it sounds like! Thanks for sharing Ashley!
I feel like communication in marriage is everything! And it’s not just that you talk but how you talk to each other. Awesome post, Amberly!
How you talk to each other is very important! Thanks Brittany 🙂
Communication is absolutely key!
Definitely! Without communication, nothing else will work.
When you have company, try to take a few moments each day to have to yourself and talk openly about whatever. Sometimes you can’t say what you want/need to when company is around.
That’s a great idea!! 🙂 I love it. Thanks for sharing Cori!
I love the idea of journaling about your relationship. I journal about my own life and have never thought about journaling about my own relationship! What a great tactic.
I bet you put a bit about your relationship in your personal journal! It’s just fun to have a journal that the two of you are working to fill with great things about your relationship.
Great tips. My husband and I hardly see each other all day, so at night, it’s not uncommon for us to be up talking till hours we should probably be sleeping in. Oops! But it’s so worth it.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s so important to cultivate and nurture that special relationship with your spouse. I feel like often times, people forget that they’re in it TOGETHER.
I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thank you Lindsay! I love that you pointed out people are in it together! 🙂 Everything is easier and better when you’re doing it as a team!
I definitely agree that keeping communication open and honest is key to having a relationship healthy. I enjoy talking with my husband about every day ordinary things and the big things. He is my favorite person to talk to!
It’s definitely a good sign when your husband is your favorite person to talk to!
Such an awesome post! As someone who is about to be married in a few months – this post will truly come in handy.
xoxo, Jenny
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Married life is my favorite 🙂
These are such fabulous tips! It gets so discouraging to me when I hear time and time again people downplay the wonderful aspects of marriage. Sure marriage is hard but, if done right, it’s the best kind of hard! <3
Yes! Exactly!!! I feel like too often in society, we focus on the “limiting” things about marriage. But marriage doesn’t have to be limiting at all!!!
This is great… wonderful tips! Communication and talking often is such a key to success in a marriage! That feeling of being connected is so important. Thank you for sharing!
Communication is definitely a key to success! Thanks Ashleigh!
“Knowing that you have that one special thing planned for the two of you will give you something to look forward to.” This is so true!! Ben and I need to get better at being intentional! Loved this post!
It takes effort to be intentional and I’m not as perfect at it as I’d like right now either! Thanks for commenting Ruthie!
Love these ideas! I agree dreaming and talking about the future together is a great way to build connection. Love the ritual idea!
It is such a great thing to do to dream for the future! It gives you something to look forward to and something to work toward as well.