• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **
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Marriage, Relationships · April 22, 2017

3 Ways My Wife Encourages Me

 

"During our short, going-on-three-years marriage, I’ve realized that I’m blessed with a woman who encourages me well. I want to tell you about her—about how her consistent encouragement makes our marriage better."

I’m a novice when it comes to marriage or relationship advice. I hardly have any experience. So, I’m not going to give you any advice. Sure, I could tell you about a few things I’ve learned since Holly and I married in 2014, but I am primarily looking for advice, not giving it.

Holly and I like to spend time with older couples at our church who’ve been married 20, 30, or even 40 years. Those people can give advice. When you talk to those folks they’ve usually experienced each situation that we have a question about. So when Chelsea asked me about a guest post, my first thought was “what can I say with such limited experience? I’m a rookie.”

As I thought about my relationship with Holly, I kept coming back to times when I realized how thankful I am for her. In place of advice, I want to offer a part of our story from my point of view. During our short, going-on-three-years marriage, I’ve realized that I’m blessed with a woman who encourages me well. I want to tell you about her—about how her consistent encouragement makes our marriage better.

I’m aware of three things that my wife does well. She does more than these three I can assure you, but I feel the impact of these three more than others: she prays for me, she says, “I love you” every day, and she’s my biggest fan.

She Prays for Me

The most important thing my wife does is to pray for me. I know she does this not only because she tells me she prays for me, but because she stops me in my tracks and prays for me when she sees I need it.

I can get like those characters in a Snickers commercial when things are not going the way I want them. I recently had a frustrating week with a lot of tasks to finish and not enough time to finish them. You know how it goes. Those weeks wear me down. I end up giving in and getting irritable about unrelated things. Holly takes the brunt of those little frustration outbursts even though she plays no part in creating my problems.

One morning during that week, Holly saw I was in a mood, as every little thing seemed to irritate me that morning. “Should’ve packed that last night, I don’t have time to get that together this morn—.” She put her hand on my hand—in mid-complaint—while I was about to dip my spoon into my cereal and said she wanted to pray for me. I knew she was right, so I let her.

The frustration I harbored against my week melted away as I listened to my wife’s voice pray over me. I was embarrassed that I let those circumstances get the best of me. I’m thankful she had the courage to offer a simple prayer for her husband.

She Says, “I love you”

Another simple thing my wife does is tell me she loves me every day. I used to think saying, “I love you” was best saved for meaningful moments, or that actions showing love were more important than just saying the words. Growing up, I was conditioned by society to think that actions spoke louder than words, and that words didn’t have the same power compared to what a person did.

When I was single, I viewed young married couples saying, “I love you” as silly. The cynical side of me thought that repeating a phrase so often diluted its meaning. Who says I love you before running to the grocery store when a simple “bye” will suffice?

As a man, I rarely felt the need to state something that I thought was obvious. I assumed my wife knew that I loved her because we’re married and I showed affection for her, etc.

Marriage gave me a new perspective on the power of words and the phrase: “I love you.” Believing that words are less powerful than actions is not true of life; words affect us. Holly uses those words to remind me of her support for me. Whether it is leaving for work in the morning or right before we hang up a phone call, she professes her commitment to our marriage and me by saying, “I love you” whenever she can.  

Yes, my wife knows I love her, and I know she loves me. But reminding each other of this truth keeps us in continual contact with each other. Now, I make it a point to initiate this communication because I see how saying “I love you” fills Holly with the encouragement she needs each day. Her consistent encouragement with her words changed our relationship.

She’s My Biggest Fan

Whether it is in my job or a side project, Holly throws her support behind me no matter the challenges I face—we face. The real world can be a tough place. Jobs require effort and time, and those commitments can tax a marriage relationship.

At times in our marriage, we’ve had a lot on our plate—maybe you’ve been there. I’ve taken on extra work as we try to save money for our family goals, finding myself away from home longer than I like. Sometimes extra work involves quietly working on a side projects after work when we are at home together. I know those times aren’t easy for Holly.

I’m thankful that she supports me in those busier times; I’m thankful for her patience with me. It’s easy for me to get discouraged and lose sight of the bigger picture in those moments. Holly’s little reminders like, “it takes time,” “we’re doing the right thing,” or “we knew it wouldn’t be easy,” are timely words for me when I’m fatigued.

When those busy times pay off, Holly is the first to pour on the praise. She enjoys keeping our friends and family updated with our successes and accolades—even if it’s stuff that’s not a big deal. Like when she got ahold of pictures of me from work and sent them to all of the family with the message: “Isn’t he so handsome.”    

My wife’s prayers, loving words, and support are a sweet encouragement for me to reflect on in our third year of marriage. Her daily commitment to perform these simple tasks has slowly taught me that I can encourage her better by repeating her steps. The truth is Holly and I both married an imperfect person, so I don’t think we’ll ever grow out of needing reminders and a little support from one another.

"During our short, going-on-three-years marriage, I’ve realized that I’m blessed with a woman who encourages me well. I want to tell you about her—about how her consistent encouragement makes our marriage better."

"During our short, going-on-three-years marriage, I’ve realized that I’m blessed with a woman who encourages me well. I want to tell you about her—about how her consistent encouragement makes our marriage better."

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Adam Dupere
Adam Dupere
Adam Dupere is a high school teacher in Lynchburg, Virginia. He married Holly in 2014. When he's not teaching the future leaders of tomorrow, he's reading or practicing his Spanish by watching soccer games en español. You can find his latest ramblings and musings on twitter @doop_air.
Adam Dupere
Latest posts by Adam Dupere (see all)
  • 3 Ways My Wife Encourages Me - April 22, 2017

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: advice, Christian, compare, encourage, encouraging, engaged, family, fan, husband, love, man, marriage, married, men, pray, Relationships, Respect, wife

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Comments

  1. Ayanna @ 21FlavorsofSplendor says

    May 1, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Love this! Congrats on 3 years of marriage. All of these tips are so on point. After being married for 10 years, making sure I am my husband’s biggest cheerleader and supporter is so important.

    Reply
    • Adam Dupere says

      May 12, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      Thank you. It’s really encouraging to hear that other couples have similar experiences. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it all in perspective.

      Reply
  2. Jerry Stumpf says

    May 3, 2017 at 6:39 pm

    Adam,

    You are very wise to seek counsel from couples married a long time.

    It is good for you to give praise to your bride about these three items.

    Hopefully your marriage always reflects Romans 15:5 -6 (not about marriage but a great outline to live by!)

    4-27-17 we celebrated 43 years together!

    Reply
    • Adam Dupere says

      May 12, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      Congratulations on 43 years of marriage! That is a great legacy to share with others. Both my wife and I have learned a lot from more experienced couples just like you and your wife. We’ve been fortunate to have good examples to learn from in our family and church. Thanks for the comment.

      Reply
  3. Thomas Pate says

    May 28, 2017 at 1:02 am

    OK…wow! Adam thank you for sharing! Had me in tears with the first thing talking about praying for you. I had this movie going on in my head, as I tend to get the same way. How powerful a thing is a spouse who has the awareness to do such a thing to head off her husband from spiraling down, down, down.
    Thank you Chelsea for inviting Adam to write this post! Would love to interview you and your husband on my podcast, Relationship Fitness Podcast, to help spread your message and wisdom. 🙂

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
  • Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just write a long list to your spouse of all the things he does that drive you insane?? I have done this. 8 of the Worst Marriage Habits
  • Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again. How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage
  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **
Honest question: Do you spend any part of your day Honest question: Do you spend any part of your day feeling uncomfortable?

🤔 If no, why not?

🤔 If yes, why? What is it that you do to feel uncomfortable?

Putting ourselves in situations where we feel uncomfortable is so unnatural. The brain is WIRED to find the easiest way, the path of least resistance, to feel safe.

But if we let that go so long unchecked, we're likely to find ourselves in a comfortable routine where nothing changes and we begin to feel apathetic about our own progress and the world around us.

✖️ Choosing to not attend (and have a voice in) important meetings because it's easier to get a memo about it later.

 ✖️ Choosing not to get coffee with a person because it could get awkward if you don't know what to say.

✖️ Snoozing the alarm rather than waking up earlier to workout and make health a priority. 

✖️ Not approaching a homeless person with a bag of lunch because it's hard to look them in the eye when you have so much. 

✖️ Avoiding inviting a friend or family member into your home for an extended period of time so they can get back on their feet.

Being uncomfortable opens your eyes!! It's even scary sometimes. But it always leads to progress. It's impossible to grow without making yourself uncomfortable in some way.

What's something you've done recently that felt uncomfortable?

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