Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
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Marriage, Relationships · May 9, 2017

5 things to do instead of having an argument with your husband in your head

I don’t know about your husband, but my husband is not always there to be a part of all the fights we have. Like, literally, he has no part in them. Because I’m so angry that I really don’t want to talk to him at the moment and have the fight that I’m having in my mind actually with him. These moments are where I’m able to come up with the best come backs (although he never actually said anything……) come up with the best pointed arguments, and honestly be a bit meaner than I ever would be in person. Safe to say that not a whole lot of good actually comes from these mental fights I have with him. So in an effort to avoid prolonging the anger I have for my husband in my mind, I do a few of these things I listed below:

I don’t know about your husband, but my husband is not always there to be a part of all the fights we have. Like, literally, he has no part in them. Because I’m so angry that I really don’t want to talk to him at the moment and have the fight that I’m having in my mind actually with him. These moments are where I’m able to come up with the best comebacks (although he never actually said anything……) come up with the best pointed arguments, and honestly be a bit meaner than I ever would be in person.

Safe to say that not a whole lot of good actually comes from these mental fights I have with him. So in an effort to avoid prolonging the anger I have for my husband in my mind, I do a few of these things I listed below:

1 | try to remember all the nice things he’s done recently

When I find myself running through the house picking up my husband’s shoes and socks along with the toys my 2-year-old left out, an inevitable one-sided mind-fight begins to break out: “Does anyone pick up after mommy? No. So why do I have to pick up after daddy??” And if I don’t watch it, that can go on for longer than I’d like to admit. Josh has literally caught me mumbling to myself during one of these mind-fights. That wasn’t embarrassing or anything.

But before these fights get out of hand, and before mental punches start getting thrown, I try to remind myself that I really don’t have it as bad as I’m thinking I do. I have to remember that- oh yeah- he did wash the dishes this morning. And last night he did get up to help get the 2-year-old get back in bed. That’s not to say that I’ll never bring the socks and sneakers issue up to him (see point #2) but I do have to remember that I am not a victim in my marriage and marriage is rarely a perfect 50/50. The sooner any spouse gets that out of their mind the better. As I say in much more detail in my post here, we married a real person, with flaws, and there will inevitably be times when we need to pick up their slack. If we can agree to do that without whining or holding it over their heads, we’ll find ourselves in a much happier marriage.

2 | Walk over to him and bring it up

Sometimes I’m a lot meaner in my mind than I am out loud. I know that’s not everyone. Sometimes the best thing- for me and my husband- is to walk away for a bit, chill out, and then when the initial anger has passed, bring it up. Personally, I know that I tend to hold onto things, build up a grudge, and let it ferment into bitterness before I bring it up. I can be like a lawyer building up evidence for my husband’s crimes against me instead of trying to nip the problem in the bud before it happens again. My poor husband. Over the course of our marriage, however, I’ve learned that he responds so much better when I address how his actions have bothered me in the moment. That means right as they happen. And that doesn’t always mean that we have to stop and have an hour long talk about it. Usually, the quick moment of confrontation sounds a lot like, “Hey, that actually doesn’t feel very good when you say that” or, “Hey, could you pick those up so I don’t have to grab them later? Thanks.”

Except if he’s at work- then pleaaassse wait. For Josh and I, flights over text naturally dissipated once we got married. Mostly because over time we became less dramatic and we also simply talked less during the day when we were both working. But there have been a few instances where I’ve really just wanted to tell him what’s what over the phone. And a couple times I have- and then felt like I was back in high school again (ie. embarrassed and regretful. And urgently feeling the need to send an apology text before he got home). Long story short, if you have an issue- bring it up quickly and almost always in person. The End.

3 | Ask yourself if it’s really worth getting worked up over

Sometimes, as much as I’m angry in the moment, my mind arguments with my husband are much more dramatic, pointed, and all-inclusive (meaning they include that time he said something insensitive 6 months ago) than they would be in person. If I don’t stop myself, I can go on for a pretty long time feeling like a self-righteous victim in my marriage rather than stopping to feel grateful for the man my husband is and the fact that he actually does love me- despite whether he hurt me or whether I’m deciding to simply feel hurt. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when Josh has hurt me, but as I said before, those are times for action, confrontation, and forgiveness. Rarely, is internalizing the hurt and remaining the victim the outcome we’re actually looking for- it just feels vindicating in the moment.

4 Write down what you’re feeling

I know I’m not the only one out there who feels like getting their problem out on paper helps them clear their mind, figure out what’s truly bothering them, and prepares them better for confrontation. Note that in no way am I saying one should only write their problems in a journal and not bring them up face to face- simply that sometimes writing your feelings down beforehand will help you organize your thoughts while your emotions run their course, giving you the ability to be more a more calm and collected version of yourself when it comes time to talk to the hubs.

You know how you almost always come up with better talking points after a fight or confrontation? Think of this as a dry run where you can better figure out how you were hurt and explain how you would like your spouse to fix it/act differently in the future (not where you can figure out a more pointed insult).

5 | Just stop

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, your husband, and your marriage is to just stop. If you know this is an area that just requires you to be a little more patient but you feel a mental argument a bewin’, try to just stop and think of something more positive and helpful. As I said earlier, you are not a victim in your own marriage. We always have a choice of how we react to whatever our husbands do and in these types of moments, we can choose to simply realize what we’re about to do, stop, move on, and be all the happier for it.

So, do mental fights happen to you, too? Or am I the only crazy one here? Help another married lady out and leave your best methods for helpful confrontation in the comments below!

I don’t know about your husband, but my husband is not always there to be a part of all the fights we have. Like, literally, he has no part in them. Because I’m so angry that I really don’t want to talk to him at the moment and have the fight that I’m having in my mind actually with him. These moments are where I’m able to come up with the best come backs (although he never actually said anything……) come up with the best pointed arguments, and honestly be a bit meaner than I ever would be in person.

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: angry, annoyed, choice, confront, confrontation, fight, forgive, frustrated, Health, help, hurt, husband, imagine, journal, love, mad, marriage, mental, mind, patience, personal, react, Relationships, sad, talk, text, victim, wife, write

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Comments

  1. MacKenzie Rennert says

    May 14, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    This is so me I’m laughing and crying all at the same time whule trying to read! Thank you so much for posting this

    Reply
  2. Sue says

    May 20, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Something that helps me forgive things being left for me to take care of, like shoes laying around, is to be thankful those shoes are there, because if they weren’t, neither would he.

    Reply
  3. J says

    May 23, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    This was me, literally, this past month. I was building up so much anger from doing everything and not getting anything in return (like a thank you or a cookie). After arguing with myself for weeks (trying to remember the good!), I finally came clean. I mean, my husband is loving enough to ask me about my day. Every. Single. Day. So I told him my frustrations and he admitted to not being mindful of me. Still a work in progress but that’s marriage, right?

    Reply
  4. Theresa J. Nelson says

    May 26, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    I’d like to say the first thing I do is pray, but that’s not how it usually goes.
    I’ve been married 33 years and still have to stop and ask myself “Will this be a big deal tomorrow, next week, next year?” Deep breath, exhale. Now what’s really the problem? then pray for healing of my hurt feelings and wisdom to talk to him about it.

    Reply
  5. Jenny says

    April 17, 2018 at 10:28 am

    You’re INCREDIBLE. First, your title snagged me right away. Instant smile. We’re in the mommy BLOGGER Pinterest group together and scrolling through the dozens of pins yours jusy Stuck out so well!
    Then there was your content. It was like you were literally I’m my head as I MUMBLE and GRUMBLE under my breath as I do my 3rd load of laundry. I try to do the same, Think of the positives about him and let it go, but somehow your post made me so much more aware of the things he does. Thank you. NOW every time I’m GRUMBLING in mg head i will think of you and remember “i am not a victim”.

    Reply
  6. Samantha says

    August 20, 2019 at 1:20 pm

    Glad I’m not the only one who feels like a nut!! And is willing to admit it. Needed to read this, and the other comments as well.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
  • Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just write a long list to your spouse of all the things he does that drive you insane?? I have done this. 8 of the Worst Marriage Habits
  • Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again. How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage
  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **

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