4 Signs You’re Doing Too Much for Your Husband
Do you ever find the words, “It’s ok, I’ll do it…” leaving your mouth before you can even think twice about it and then you end up thinking “Whyyyyy did I say yes to that?!?!?!”
I’ve been told before that I have pretty natural mom skills. It makes sense, I have a wonderful mom! But… in some of those mom skills hides the curse of feeling the need to take care of everyone, even if they don’t really need it. I find myself jumping in and thinking as though I’m needed when, in reality, I’m not. With these mom skill comes the tendency to question my husband’s judgement. And yeah, sometimes I may totally know how to do something better than him. Like manage our finances, or cook dinner. And sometimes I have to hide my cringing face when I see him put that weird spice in with the chicken and I have to hold myself back from jumping in and taking over because I like how I do it. I know that sometimes it is better for me to eat chicken that tastes kind of funny and have let him cook the meal- when he said he would- than to have jumped in and have it the way I like it.
All that to say, here are a few ways we are telling our husbands that we really don’t trust them:
You don’t let him do anything
I remember one time asking my husband to send out a package at the post office. I remember after a couple minutes of giving him directions and answering questions, I eventually just said “Nevermind, I’ll do it.” To be honest, he was relieved that he didn’t have to make the extra stop. But I realized then that, just because I did this certain thing more than him, doesn’t mean it’s impossible for him to learn. It doesn’t mean he can’t do it. And I’m creating way more work for myself because I don’t trust my husband to handle it. I’m sure some of you may have much better examples than me, but I’m sure we’ve all done this at one time or another, making life harder on ourselves because we feel that, “If you want it done right, you should do it yourself.”
While subtle, this can be a major way to undermine your husband’s leaderships skills and ability to make decisions on his own. I have seen way too many marriage dynamics where the wife is the head of the family and makes all the decisions and the husband is made to be just another child who happens to earn an income. No one wants a marriage like that. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to ever question your husband. In fact, questioning is actually a really good skill to have, being that it enables critical thinking and the ability to discern bad situations from good ones. BUT. When we constantly question our husband’s judgment and ideas, we subtly say that we don’t think they are good or smart enough.
This one takes it a step further than simply questioning your husband’s ideas or judgments. When we argue with our husband, we are saying “I really really don’t believe you know what you’re doing, and I believe I know better than you.” You know, sometimes that might be the case. Sometimes you may know how to do something better than your husband. And it’s okay to bring up an “argument” as to why you should do something differently. But it really shouldn’t turn into a heated argument. Sometimes a huge sign that you trust your husband is letting them make certain decisions and going along with them even if it’s not what you would decide. Please know that I am in no way advocating blindly following your husband into what you know will lead to a bad situation. We have brains and we can use them. But showing that you trust your husband will go a long way to build up his morale and confidence and will actually empower him to be more of a leader.
Bring up past mistakes (or at least think of them often)
Although people don’t usually change, they can grow. I’m not the same person I was when my husband and I first married, and neither is he. Not only have I changed somewhat as a person, I’ve also learned- like- a lot. And so has he! So if, maybe, he screwed something up in the past, give him the chance to try again. Give him the chance to learn again. When we always take on all the responsibility, we’re stealing away the opportunity for our husbands to learn and to lead.
Let’s be honest, what are some ways we do too much for our husbands (not in the sense that we clean up after them too much) but ways in which we become helicopter wives and watch and supervise their every move? Ever done this? What made you stop?
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Love you guys!