As much as we hate to admit it, everyone, including your wonderful partner, has a past. I know, cringe. Odds are, they’ve been in a relationship before you. And odds are, they cared about that person, took them on dates, shared secrets with them, etc. I think this is something that most of us try to ignore, because who actually wants to think about the person they love being with someone else? Not me! Well, as unsettling as it may be, it’s something we have to deal with. And we have to be able to deal with it in a healthy way if we want the relationship we’re currently in to work out. So, today I’m going to share some tips and tricks on how to accept your partner’s past and never look back.
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
Ask yourself a few questions. “Have I ever been in another relationship?” “Did I ever care about another person?” Chances are, you’re going to say yes. And chances are, you realize that those things happened in your past, and don’t mean anything anymore. Well, same goes for your partner. He/She has had previous relationships, but they all ended for a reason. And now they’re with you! If you think about it in that way, it makes it a bit easier to accept.
Focus On The Now
Easier said than done, I know. However, it’s incredibly important to remember that the past is the past. Whatever happened before you were in the picture doesn’t matter. He/She is choosing to be with you now. If they wanted to be with someone else, they would be. Enjoy the amazing relationship you and your partner have, and don’t stress about the things that you can’t change.
Learn To Love Yourself
This is a big one. Many times, we have a hard time dealing with our partner’s past because we aren’t completely secure in ourselves just yet. We see their previous relationships as a threat. And because we aren’t 100% secure in ourselves, we assume (irrationally) that our partner is going to leave us for someone better. We think, “Maybe he wants to be with his ex again. She’s way more successful than I am.” And that’s where you need to change your thought process. Once you learn to love yourself and realize what an amazing person you are, all of those irrational thoughts will go away. Now, I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s possible!
Communicate With Your Partner
Every relationship expert always says that communication is key. And let me tell you, it couldn’t be more true. I used to be the Queen (and sometimes I still am) of the silent treatment. I assumed my partner knew what was bothering me. If he loved me, he should, right? Wrong. No one knows what you’re thinking. Except maybe your mom. Mom’s know everything…Anway, what I’m trying to say is that you need to talk to your partner about what’s bothering you. Even if you know you’re being a little bit crazy, getting it off your chest and sharing it with your partner is a healthy exercise. Believe it or not, they will be happy you told them. Now they know where your head’s at and they can do whatever it takes to put your mind at ease. If you keep things bottled up, eventually it will all come spilling out. And that’s never pretty. It’s much better to keep the communication open and honest, always.
Relationships are tough. Who knew? Just remember that no matter how long you’ve been with your partner, a healthy and happy relationship requires some work. But if you’re with the right person, it’s all worth it. Stay positive, friends.
Xo, Jess
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Jessica Ciesla
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- Everyone Has A Past: How To Move Past It - May 24, 2018
