Do you ever feel like you’re just not as much fun as you used to be? You totally realize it. You feel sorry about it. But at the same time, life is a lot harder now and you’re being pulled in, like, 300 directions and everyone needs you! You don’t have the luxury of being fun anymore!
Or do you?
I hear ya, mama. I totally do.
I went through a time in my life (and still have the occasional relapse) where I totally turn into a cat-wife. Unaffectionate, cold, maybe even a little stuck up- because, of course, I have the harder job and don’t get told thank you nearly enough.
To be really honest, I can be kind of a poop face to my poor husband sometimes. I can be snooty, short with him, distant, or just too busy for him. I am a working mom, after all. And being so busy, I sometimes have the nerve to get annoyed with him when he wants to spend time with me or have fun with me! Poor guy. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect either. But when I take the time to think about it, a lot of the things he does that I don’t like- I would totally do the same things if I was in his shoes. Or I can at least see why he does them.
When I took a moment to slow down my mommy-whirlwind, I realized that I wasn’t leaving any time to be fun with my husband like we used to be when we were dating or first married. And who wants to have a fun-less marriage??
Not me. And I know my husband doesn’t either. He didn’t propose to me to get a live-in house cleaner and nanny. I’m guessing your hubs didn’t propose for that reason either. So, I’ve made a list of ways that we can remember to be a more fun wife!
Make time to be spontaneous
What am I not saying?
What I’m not saying is that you need to be a wannabe millennial free spirit who always has time and spare cash for avocado toast and trips to Lake Tahoe. Just be willing and able to let go of the messy house that ought to be cleaned if there are a few quality moments to spend with bae (your husband).
One great way to make this more possible is to stay on top of other tasks that could come in the way of being spontaneous. For example, have the laundry done ahead of time so you’re not embarrassed to have friends over last-minute.
Want some more tips on how to live in the moment as a mom? Check out this post I wrote for Dwell + Slumber!!
Get off the phone in bed!
Ok. I’m not going to tell you that you’re not allowed to have your phone in bed. We live in 2017 after all. But. For goodness sake, don’t spend every night lying right next to each other in the same bed staring at separate screens not talking! Many times, I’ll take a few minutes to scroll through Instagram before he gets in bed, that way I can chill with him by the time he gets in bed. Sometimes, because he doesn’t mind this, if he’s scrolling through his phone, I’ll look with him and we’ll laugh at funny videos together and then talk about them. But what’s great is when we’re both off our phones and just talking (obvious, I know). But it’s sad to me how rare and special moments like those have become these days!
Let go a little bit
Trust me, I know how it feels to be constantly needed and pulled in 300 directions. That being said, sometimes the dishes can wait. Or sometimes you can say to hubs, “Hey, if you help me tackle this, we’ll have more time to hang out together.” Don’t be afraid to ask for help for the sake of spending more quality time with the hubs.
You and your husband are not going to look back and remember the clean sink and folded laundry. You’ll remember the moments you spent enjoying time together!
Learn his love language
Not only that. Learn yours. If, together, you learn your love languages, you’ll be able to feel like your love cup is at its tippy top and you’ll feel way more willing to show your hubs love in the way that he feels it. (Not that you should necessarily need to have a full cup in order to show him love. But it does make it easier. Check out this post I wrote on selfishness). Does he love gifts? Surprise him? Quality time? See point #1. Physical touch? You get the picture. Trust me, he’ll probably appreciate it more than you know. But as I said, try to openly communicate about your love language needs as well. It’ll make it so much easier!
Don’t take yourself too seriously
There’s something to be said for thinking critically, having standards, and standing up for yourself. But if you have a husband who genuinely loves you (chances are, you do), but also love to tease you and joke around, play along! Don’t be afraid to be sassy in good fun. Remember that, even though your work might be calling your name, taking a small moment to enjoy life with your husband will do wonders for your relationship and overall mood! If he’s trying to have fun with you, it’s because he loves you and wants to be your friend. Just remember that.
Plain and simple. Don’t make him ask for it every single time and hope that he gets lucky tonight. If you have to take time to mentally prepare, do that. Tell yourself that today is a day where you’re going to pursue him and look forward to it! Even if all you do to make him get the picture that you’re wanting sex tonight is let your eyes linger on him a little too long, your husband will LOVE that you’re asking for it instead of him. It really is just a small thing, but it makes a world of a difference to him!
Find a common interest
Chances are, you don’t like everything the same. That’s ok! Josh, my hubs, LOVES soccer. He’s obsessed. I think his Facebook news feed is so boring because it’s literally only sports highlights. He tends to scroll by all the things that I would stop and read, like new babies and weddings that that kind of crap. Even so, when he’s watching a game, I know he loves when I watch it with him. That being the case, I’ll do my best to finish up work and join him. The surprising part? It’s actually not that bad. I love getting excited with him when Clint Dempsey scores for the Seattle Sounders!
My point is, celebrate your individual interests- together! You’ll learn to appreciate each other’s unique talents and personalities and maybe even learn something!
Meet him for lunch at work
Whether your husband loves or hates his job, try mixing up his day a little bit by paying him a visit at work! It may just help his day go by faster and give him a little reminder that you love and think about him when he’s gone. Just like us, men like to feel needed and missed.
Slow down and chill out
Especially if you have kids, but even if you don’t, taking a little break from the grind of life can be really helpful to reset and have some quality moments where you can remember a time when life was simpler. Even through the crazy, hopefully you’ll be able to reconnect as a team and feel more in tune when you dive back in after the vacation is over. And by “vacation” I don’t mean you need to spend $3000 on trip to Fiji (but, I mean, if you can, why not?). Know some college students? Pay them $30 and get out the house! Even if you don’t spend any money for the rest of the night, at least you’ll have a few hours to talk without being interrupted. Some of my favorite “dates” I’ve had with my husband are simply when we go on a long walk together and talk. Knowing that you didn’t spend any money when you come back home at night is an added bonus 🙂
Remember your children are not the first priority
I’ve come to realize that there’s often a common denominator on days when I don’t feel like I have time for my husband. You know what it is? My kids. Gosh I love them to death, but sometimes they just wear. me. out! And there have been plenty of times when my husband is talking to me, we’re interrupted by one of our babies, and then I stop listening to him. Yes, kids need to feel heard, but they also need to learn that they don’t come first.
Your kids don’t come first.
Think of what message we might be sending our kids when we drop everything we’re doing to accommodate them without asking them to wait patiently for our attention? Not only that, but we’re sending the message that it’s ok to put daddy on the back burner because they come first.
Showing your kids (through your interactions with your husband) that your marriage is strong and you respect and prioritize each other will give your kids an amazing example of a strong and healthy marriage. That will help them to feel safe and secure even on days when you and the hubs aren’t doing so hot!