I picked my first husband, God picked my second husband
Hi guys! I want to introduce today’s post writer: she’s a woman very dear to me who had always spoken wisdom and love into my life! I’ve been asking her for a while to share some of her insights here on Sweet Wife and I finally got her to sit down and do it! Introducing…. my lovely mama!!!
3 Discoveries About Remarriage After Divorce
Please realize that I take marriage very seriously and considered myself married for life to my first husband as I believe God intends. However, after my first husband was unfaithful, and although I tried everything within my power to restore the relationship, he divorced me. I have attempted to put events that followed into a neat and compact list:
I picked my first husband, God picked my second husband
Ignoring the signs that should have warned me about my first husband’s wandering eye, and thinking I could not love anyone else, I chose who I thought was the one for me. When that marriage failed, I realized God needed to show me who He wanted me to have as my husband. God has a plan that far exceeds what we could ever imagine possible. And I might add that I truly have felt that God restored to me many times over what I felt was a great loss.
Complete resignation to God’s will
I came to a point, after my first husband left me, (which took some time of healing) to resign my life completely to God’s will. Committing time to prayer, reading God’s Word, and keeping a journal were all part of the healing process, and brought me to a place where I found true contentment in God alone, on my own. In my journal, I wrote letters to God. God already knows how you feel but writing it down is good therapy.
Stepping out of your comfort zone
I was lead by God to go on a bicycle trip through a particular Christian company. This was so out of the ordinary for me. Go on a trip? Out of the country? With people I didn’t know? For 10 days? And sleep in a tent?? Well, the last part I was an old pro at, considering I had been camping practically every year of my life with my folks. So I readied for the trip and went. We biked 300 miles in 5 days. I have never forgotten that trip!! It was one of the most fun times of my life. And what a sense of accomplishment! God gave me such a confidence boost through this trip. I knew I was going to be okay no matter what. AND God introduced me to my second husband on this trip, although I didn’t know it at the time.
I have to say that God gave me a second husband who is perfect for me! My husband has eyes only for me, is faithful and devoted to our marriage, loves me and is my best friend, and encourages me in my walk with my Lord. God loves us, and knows exactly what is best for us!
If you are going through a similar time in your life, I encourage you to keep a journal committing small parts of your life to God each day. These could be letting go of family members who you loved on your estranged husband’s side, or giving up traditions you shared and making some new ones of your own. I would write, “God, I give you …” In time you realize that you really can give these hurts over to Him and move on. Reading God’s Word gives peace, comfort, and guidance. Your time spent with God is never wasted.
If anyone would like to share with me your story, or ask me questions, I welcome that!
Susan Oberg
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QW
Hello, I just came across your website thanks to Pinterest! This post by your mom is so true and a great reminder to trust in God and His plan for our lives! God truly saved me from being married to someone I had chosen…and when our engagement/relationship ended in that sense I look back on it and am so thankful for how God removed me from that situation. It was a painful process, however, I am so very thankful that I did not go through with marrying him. It is amazing how beautifully God works things out! Thank you again and you mom for sharing!
Nicole
I appreciate you sharing your story and I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said. I am a newlywed and I hope that this is not my first marriage but I know what it means to step out of your comfort zone and trust in God’s choice and not your own. You should check out my blog as I think we have a similar niche. I too podcast and write about love and relationships but my blog is centered around food. I am now following you EVERY where and I look forward to more of your posts.
Anita
Thank you for this post, or rather, thank your Mom. I about to get married to my second husband in 6 months. I have waited 11 years for this man. He is exactly who God intends for me. Even though I have 3 wonderful children from my first husband, the godly relationship I have with current fiancee is the best gift God could give me. It certainly hasn’t been all rainbows and flowers, it has been a rocky 5.5 years of a relationship but when I finally surrendered it over to God and listened and obeyed God in the small stuff, the relationship changed course and has become so Godly and full of future promise. I finally stopped trying to do everything on my own, I stopped analyzing every little thing and stopped worrying about how he wasn’t meeting me needs and started to lift him up in prayer to God and trying to meet his needs that it all is just working out wonderfully. Thanks be to God.
Doneva
AnitaGreat testimony! What an encouragement to me!
Brook Lehman
AnitaHello, I was reading what you said and I was just wondering how things with a new man and your children work. I have twins with my husband and he also has a daughter with another woman before me, we have been married for a short amount of time, five months to be exact, and things are not going well. He got out of the military and now that he’s home I feel I get no help with our babies from him, they are 8 months old and need all of my attention meaning I cannot get anything else around the house done but I do what I can while they’re napping or being good playing together. He comes home and still does nothing unless I repeatedly ask over and over and I feel that the task could be done by me by the time He actually does it, these tasks include changing diapers, feeding our babies, helping with laundry. I can’t get him to help me and most of the time after work he goes to his parents house instead of coming home to help out. I feel like a single mother.
Sue
Brook LehmanHi Brook! Thanks for sharing your story. I too have twins, two sets, in fact, and a single.
I did not have children with my first husband. We had been married five years, we tried, but God did not allow that. In hind sight that was a blessing.
I am very sorry that your husband is not as helpful to you as you need. I would suggest a calm and loving talk with him explaining what you need help with. And in a gentle manner asking if he would accomplish it in a reasonable time. I would tell him that I do not want to nag him, but want to feel like a team. Tell him you love him, and thank him for all that he does to support you and your family. Respect and support goes a long way with men. I know you’d rather be the one who is respected and supported, but try this attitude first. I don’t know if you go to church or read your Bible, but in scripture a wife should respecs her husband and a husband should love his wife. I am not saying that you don’t, but try this on and see if anything changes. Praise his efforts, thank him when he helps, and keep a positive attitude. One more suggestion, try reading a book together on marriage, like 31 Prayers for my Husband and 31 Prayers for my Wife (2books), or the 5 Love Languages, or the ebook written by Chelsea Damon author of this blog, The Repurposed Marriage.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. Pray for your husband and for your attitude. I so hope you see a change in your marriage. I will be praying for you!! You may contact me again if you like. Yours truly, Sue
Jennifer
Thank you for sharing. Your story made me Remember and search for the following scripture: “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to death.” – Revelation 12:11
I was entertaining thoughts of leaving my husband – health and safety Not at risk – other things of this world that naturally tear marriages apart when God is not the center of the union.
Anyway, rather than leaving this marriage – (my God overcame death. If I submit to him he can fix my marriage) – I should pray that God transforms my husband, but also me, into the people that he wants us to be rather than the people we want each other to be.
Your story changed my perspective and I shared a sprinkle of mine in hopes it will encourage others too.
Thank you and God Bless
Lauren
JenniferI wish my husband would have given us more time to work on our differences. You’re lucky and good luck! 🙂
Lauren
Chelsea, please thank your mother for this post (I know you already have). My husband is in the process of divorcing me while we’re pregnant and this post and your blog, along with the strength from God, is carrying me through this hard time. I remain hopeful that God will pick my next husband when the time is right. I’m going to take your mother’s advice, I’m going to get a journal, read more and really dedicate myself to God! Enjoy your vacation, I hope you’re not working right now 🙂 – little.mrs.price
Jessica
Hi, I love taking in all this insight. I’ve recently recommited myself to our loud and savior. I’m young 22 and was wondering if you knew of anything out there for me about knowing when God has put someone in my life that maybe we’re meant. I’ve been blessed to meet someone that started following God around the same time as I. We both met before but we’ve gone through a lot I’m the past few months. I feel plenty of purpose through God that we are supposed to be there for one another right now. And he’s the kind of man of God I would want . or at least from what I know so far. We worship and study the word together. We discuss and pray together. But we’re just friends right now, at the same time we feel very strongly for each other
Lulu
So for who was 1Cor7:11 and Matt 5:32 written in God’s Word?
Susan Oberg
LuluYes, I agree that God’s view of marriage is one man and one woman for life.
And that was totally my view of my marriage even after my first husband was
unfaithful. He chose to divorce me even after I tried everything in my
power to keep it together. Matt. 5:32 states that divorce is
unacceptable except in those cases involving sexual immorality. And that a
man or woman should not marry a divorced person unless they are divorced on
those same grounds. And even if that has not been their experience, you
cannot change the past, rather we can be thankful that there is forgiveness
through the Lord Jesus. Through repentance every believer has the
opportunity to live out a life pleasing to God.
Sue
Natalia
Thanks for you post I truly enjoyed it and feel so encouraged! I have been divorced for 10 years after 15 years of being married to a man similar to your first husband.
I have been ardently seeking. God for the last 4 years and more so in the last year. I am a waiting God’s choice for my 2nd husband and am doing g all you do expect writing a journal which I may give it a shot…May God bless you to continually share with others as He instructs…
Amy
Just ran across this through pinterest, but I wanted to say, I’ve been saying this for a few years now but seem to be falling on deaf ears. I’m 40+ and never married, but over the years God has shown me various things about my future and who I will ultimately marry. I’ve already met the guy but that’s as far as it’s gone. People keep saying you need to do x, y and z to date and marry but they always take God out of the equation. As I keep telling people, I can’t force anyone to go out with me or ask me out. It’s all God’s timing.
Kim
I just saw this on Pinterest. My first husband left me for another woman and then divorced me. I never would have given up on our marriage. I have gotten much closer to God and have prayed and read my Bible during this very painful time more than while I was married. In some ways I want to be married again but then again, maybe not. Journaling is a great idea. Im leaving it all up to Him if he chooses to give me a second husband and a step father for my 2 little boys. Thank you for sharing.
VALARIE
Thank you so much this exactly what i needed . I am divorced and then for the last 2 years i have been dating a guy i meant at my partime job. Now im a point where im calling us quites after he said to me ” i should be glad to have a man” i found that to be rude and amoung other things disrespectful.
So after we go our separate ways i think im going to stay single and wait on god. I have a new journal and will start in the morning.
Thanks for your wisdom
VALARIE I
Thanks
Stacie
this is me except i divorce my first husband
Katie
I am currently going through a separation with my husband of 4 years. he had an affair and is still committing adultery. I have been pursuing god more than i ever had in my marriage now and i dont know what my future holds. In some way i wonder if we should’ve waited to get married or i should’ve realized the warning signs at the beginning that my love was too blinded to see. i think both of us didnt want to be alone and that really stemmed from why we got married. I dont really regret it all because then i wouldnt have my amazing sweet son now but i think i thought that god had picked the right man for me when all along i did the choosing. It was my ultimate goal to grow old with my husband but i am also scared that if i divorce, people will look down on me because i am a christian. i know in the bible god allows divorce only under certain circumstances like my own but the guilt of it all is a bit difficult to swallow. at this point in my life i am just pursing god and whatever plan he has for me whether that be restoration or not. i dont want my son to go without a good father and example in his life but if i ever get married again, god will have to bring him to my doorstep and this man will have to put god completely first in his life. i sometimes feel like i have failed my son in this aspect but i want what’s best for him ultimately.