• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

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I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **
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Dating, engaged, Marriage, Relationships · October 15, 2016

How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Husband Material

It’s a scary thing- joining your life with someone, potentially taking their name, joining a bank account, beginning a family with that person. It takes a TON of trust! To some, saying “yes” or “I do” should be the easiest decision you should ever have to make. To others, it might be the scariest and most overwhelming choice ever.

How to Know if Your Boyfriend is Husband Material

Whether you’ve been on the asking, receiving, or the observing end of this question, almost everyone has heard it: “How did you know your spouse was the one?”

And by “the one” whoever was asking probably meant “the one who wouldn’t drive you insane after 3 years of marriage.”

It’s a scary thing-  joining your life with someone, potentially taking their name, joining a bank account, beginning a family with that person. It takes a TON of trust! To some, saying “yes” or “I do” should be the easiest decision you should ever have to make. To others, it might be the scariest and most overwhelming choice ever.

I had a few boyfriends before I met Josh. Each relationship lasted relatively long as far as young relationships go. I’ve always been a fan of commitment. And when we were dating, I saw myself marrying each one of those guys. Or at least I tried to. (I realize not everyone is that way. My personality type tends to only form a few strong attachments instead of many, more casual ones. So I understand that everyone views and handles dating differently). My point is, almost each time I dated someone, I could potentially see myself marrying them. So what was different about the one I actually married?

Maturity

Josh and I were practically babies when we started dating. We were both 18 and fresh out of high school and into college. But even at that age, I knew that Josh could take life seriously. Don’t get me wrong, to this day he’s a huge dork and we totally quote Parks and Rec at just about every opportunity we get; but he also loved (and loves) to talk about serious things too. Even at that point in his life, he already understood his principles and values which helped him determine where he stood on most issues. Because of that, he didn’t look to me to find any sort of identity, worth, or opinions. That is so important! He already knew what he believed and he wasn’t going to change that depending on who he dated. So, fortunate for us, many of our beliefs and principles matched up nicely and we found that we had a lot in common that way. This isn’t to say that flexibility and openness of mind isn’t important. We’ll get to that later. But before you marry someone, or even get too involved in any kind of serious-ish relationship, be sure to try to understand their worldview. Although you may not agree on all topics, if you and your mate have similar worldviews, most of the time you’ll be able to agree, or at least understand where the other person is coming from, which is essential to the healthy, cohesive relationship that we all want.

Purpose

At first, when I was outlining this post, this point was going to be titled “Direction.” But then I realized that Josh had almost no specific “direction” when we met- and a lot of guys who are at the age of considering marriage are still trying to find and/or establish themselves in a career. So instead of “direction,” I chose to title this point “drive.” And then I thought, “No… that’s not right, either!” Don’t get me wrong. Drive is really really important. But a man can feel extremely driven in his career and also feel purposeless and depressed. Which will inevitably affect his entire life. We don’t want that. So after nixing my first two ideas, this point is called “Purpose.”

I chose purpose because, as I said before, a man can have all the drive in the world, but if he feels like his job has no purpose, he will often be dissatisfied with it. But drive is extremely important also. Although many wives and moms choose to work, like I did even after our son was born, a man has a responsibility to work and provide for his family’s financial security. That doesn’t happen without drive. Even if a man doesn’t necessarily have himself established in a career yet, if he has a drive to provide, he will find a way to do that.

Purpose is so important because your husband will know why he gets up everyday and goes to work. It will be more than just bringing home a paycheck twice a month. He’ll love what he does and will be happier in the long run. Choosing a job that provides your husband with purpose will not always be the highest paying, but it will be the most satisfying to the both if you and beneficial to your future together.

Humility

While I think all the points on this list are important, this one is essential on so many different levels. Your significant other’s level of humility will affect how they act and react to SO MANY different situations. How does he treat the server at the restaurant where you’re eating? How does he respond if/when you bring up an issue to him- does he immediately become defensive, or does he listen? Is he always telling you it’s “your turn” to do something? If so, he may be struggling with selfishness and/or pride, which is an issue we all need to deal with, but if not dealt with, can be poisonous to a marriage. (I talk about selfishness much more in depth here, in one of my most popular posts!).

Like I said, this is something that every human being is going to struggle with, but the willingness to work on it and improve is what makes all the difference. This will be especially difficult these days when we are constantly told to love ourselves first and take care of ourselves first. I think accepting who you are, being confident, and taking care of yourself is important, but I completely disagree with the notion that you can’t take care of others before you take care of yourself. Love isn’t always convenient and it doesn’t always leave you full. It can be draining. And people these days are terrified of that for some reason. But pouring yourself out for someone else can sometimes be the most noble thing a person can do.

Sorry for that mini sermon there, but the “self love” movement can really get me going sometimes.

So you might be thinking, “Ok. Marry a guy who’s humble. Got it. But what does humble mean, exactly?” Well Merriam-Webster defines humble as, “not proud : not thinking of yourself as better than other people.” Usually, if we take that sort of mindset, it will allow us to give another the benefit of the doubt and consequently enable us to be kinder, gentler, and more understanding to others. If you want a man who does that for you, find yourself a humble one.

Uniqueness

I have 3 younger sisters and 1 younger sister in law, all of whom are involved in different aspects of the dating scene. I’ve had sisters date great guys, and lame ones. But for the lame ones, I often hear the excuse, “He’s a really nice guy, though.”

And then I say, “So?” As if that’s any kind of reason to date and possibly consider marrying someone. I know there are a lot of icky guys out there, but there are also a whole lot of “nice” guys. So what? Because this guy isn’t disgusting and mean, that means he’s good to date and have a serious relationship with? Not to me, it isn’t.

I dated a “nice guy” once. And he was- he was super nice. But that’s about it. There was absolutely no depth to our relationship. We got along well, he was a gentleman, we had fun. But I honestly found myself bored with him. But for that, I felt so awful! Here was this perfectly good guy, who would be a great boyfriend to anyone, he treats me like a princess, but the whole relationship is just kinda… eh. There was nothing about our relationship that inspired me, challenged me, or complimented me. He was nice, I was nice. And that was it.

All this to say…

If you’re dating someone and wondering if they could be the one for you, ask yourself, “What makes him different from anyone else?” Does he have any qualities that I couldn’t live without if I dated another person?

I’ve mentioned this before in other posts, but my husband and I are very similar in some ways and extremely different in other ways. Oddly enough, we are both major introverts. But I am a much more of a feeling kind of person and he is- as he likes to say- more rational; which can some days cause arguments, but overall we are extremely helpful and complementary to each other’s personalities. At times, I need to remind him that not every problem can be solved with logic, and he reminds me that going with my gut isn’t always the best.

Finding a person who is unique from you and other “nice guys” out there is essential to a vibrant and constructive relationship. People say, “Just because it’s on sale doesn’t mean you need to buy it,” but I’ll say this: “Just because a guy is nice, doesn’t mean you should date him.”

“Just because he’s a nice guy, doesn’t mean you should date him.” #dating #relationships
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Openness

I’m going to talk about openness in 2 forms: 1. Communication, and 2. Openness of mind and flexibility.

1.  Communication

I’ve had friends who had found themselves in long-time committed relationships where, when they would try to talk about something serious, all their significant other could do was joke, or shut down. A huge part of maturity (and an essential part of a healthy relationship) is being ok to talk seriously about things. They don’t always have to be extremely deep or philosophical or difficult, but being able to take matters seriously is important. If you end up marrying a man who is not able to do that, you will end up feeling extremely emotionally lonely and never understood, and you will also feel extremely alone when hard times come around, because you won’t be able to talk about it with the one who should be closest to you. If you don’t know if your significant other open to serious communication, try asking meaningful, open-ended questions. Listen to how he responds. Does he shrug the question off? Or is he intrigued and give a meaningful answer? Does he care that you’re even asking? These are important things to pay attention to.

2.  Openness of mind and flexibility.

Earlier I mentioned that your significant other having an understanding of his principles and values (his worldview) is really important. And if you want to mesh well in a marriage, it’s important that your worldviews are pretty similar. But, just having a similar worldview is not going to make you agree on everything. Although Josh and I are both believers and love Jesus and have similar worldviews, we argue! We disagree on things! That’s because we are still pretty different. This is where openness of mind and flexibility comes into play. Sometimes, I may initially disagree with Josh on something, but because I respect him and I know I didn’t marry an idiot, I’ll listen to him. Sometimes he makes good points. Same goes for him. He knows that he needs my differing personality type to help balance him out and he will be open to my ideas and even criticism when he needs to hear it.

Now it’s not always that easy. Like anybody, we’re prone to thinking we’re right and getting defensive when we’re told we’re not. It takes time to grow together. But if you keep the goal of working together and valuing each other, you’ll be quicker to be flexible and open with one another.

Now, this doesn’t always end up super peachy. Sometimes compromise looks like one of you just giving in and trying again next time. That’s going to happen and that’s ok. Not every decision is going to be a 50/50 compromise or win/win situation. But that’s where humility and respect come in. More on those in a sec.

Respect

Yes, yes- you knew this would be in here somewhere. But I’ve spoken with many girls and women who, when the respect is gone, have a hard time actually noticing. What I mean by this is, when their partner doesn’t value their opinion, for example, they assume the behavior is normal or deserved. Many times, when a woman finds herself in a relationship where she isn’t respected, the respect will have diminished gradually and often she will have been convinced that it is normal and/or her fault.

One thing that helps, if you’re afraid of this happening to you, is to- not compare- but observe others’ relationships. Look at the relationships that you perceive as healthy. How do they talk to each other? How do they handle disagreements? If necessary, sit down with a trusted friend and ask her what she perceives as “normal” ways to handle conflict in a relationship. Many relationships don’t become unhealthy or abusive overnight. They become that way by actions that gradually go unnoticed or unaddressed. That’s not to say that every word of your partner needs to be analyzed and addressed, (choosing when to let things go is also important), but if there is a moment that happens and you feel disrespected, let your partner know how you feel and how they could handle the situation in a more positive and constructive way. If they truly respect you, they will be open to hearing your suggestion and hopefully changing their behavior.

This is all if respect is actually an issue. Sometimes a boy’s parents raised him right and he knows from the get-go how to treat a woman. If you’ve found a guy like that- good for you! But even the goodies will need help at times. Take note if a guy asks you, “What do you think?” or “How do you feel about that?” I know, it seems too simple, but a man who values your thoughts and opinions will value you!

Now it’s your turn! What are things that YOU think are essential when deciding if the guy you’re dating is marriage material?

Leave your ideas in the comments below and share with a friend!

script sig

 

It’s a scary thing- joining your life with someone, potentially taking their name, joining a bank account, beginning a family with that person. It’s take a TON of trust! To some, saying “yes” or “I do” should be the easiest decision you should ever have to make. To others, it might be the scariest and most overwhelming choice ever.

In: Dating, engaged, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: boyfriend, communication, dating, direction, engaged, flexible, friendship, girlfriend, humble, husband, life, marriage, married, material, mature, open, opinions, planning, proposal, purpose, Relationships, Respect, romance, significant other, spouse, wedding, wife

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Comments

  1. Southern & Style says

    October 15, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    This post is so true-it made me think back to when my now-husband and I started dating, I found all of those qualities in him.

    xoxo, SS

    Southern And Style

    Reply
  2. Adepoju Grace says

    October 16, 2016 at 6:46 am

    Awesome. I had to break up with a guy recently because he was too nice. I like the ‘you don’t have to date a guy simply because he’s nice’ quote.

    Reply
  3. Melanie Frost says

    October 16, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    What a lovely and thorough post. I met my husband on an online game. We were both total nerds and have been together for over 16 years now. We have our differences, and are actually very different from one another, but we are in it until the end 🙂

    Reply
  4. Charlotte says

    October 16, 2016 at 10:34 pm

    could have definitely ruled out quite a few boyfriends with this list :p luckily I don’t have to now since I found my guy!

    Reply
  5. HilLesha says

    October 17, 2016 at 1:00 am

    Good post! I’m now married, but one quality I always looked for in a potential husband was someone that had strong faith in God. I always judged a person’s character by the way they treated their mother. The way they treat their mother is usually the way they’ll treat you.

    Reply
  6. Debra says

    October 17, 2016 at 1:39 am

    Such a great post. I think I got ultra lucky. I married my husband when I was just a baby, 19, actually and he is all sorts of amazing!

    Reply
  7. Cynthia @craftoflaughter says

    October 17, 2016 at 2:12 am

    My test was how he spoke to his mother and other women! He needed to be a friend to me first too

    Reply
  8. Adaleta Avdic says

    October 17, 2016 at 3:18 am

    You know…over the years I’ve realized that my boyfriend IS marriage material but I’m actually the one who may not be. He’s a bit older than me (9 years to be exact) and so he’s not playing games. When I met him, I was still accustomed to men playing games and being ridiculous… not texting for days, etc. He’s so much better than that and has never played with my emotions, so I need to get MY ASS in gear and me MORE mature! xx Adaleta Avdic

    Reply
  9. Terri Steffes says

    October 17, 2016 at 3:46 am

    I’ve been married for 39 years and I have to agree that humility is a big part of the puzzle. It seems that there has to be enough that one can admit they are wrong but not too much that they take the fall for everything.

    Reply
  10. Crystal says

    October 17, 2016 at 4:27 am

    Great advice and tips. I’ve been with my guy almost 17 years and we have yet to take the plunge into married life. I will have to compare these notes!

    Reply
  11. Kim says

    October 17, 2016 at 7:47 am

    Great tips for dating women. I met my Husbabd when I was 13, so I’m the exception. Humility is so key.

    Reply
  12. Stephanie says

    October 17, 2016 at 11:06 am

    This is great advice. And congratulations, it sounds like you two have a very healthy relationship!!

    Reply
  13. tahnee says

    October 17, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    loved you sincere post! Even now after5 years of marriage we have found how important it is to continue growing together and working on dating one another still. I don’t think we were marriage material when we were dating but became each others right fit the longer we dated ha

    Reply
  14. Jeanine says

    October 17, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    I married my hubby after a year of dating, but knew him for about 3 years before that. I wish I knew these tips before than haha. He’s a great husband but many boyfriends sadly don’t turn out that way!

    Reply
  15. Lisa says

    October 17, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    This post is really true! I started dating my husband in high school and he is such a genuine selfless person who always treated me with respect. I knew back then he was a catch!!

    Reply
  16. Taylor Mobley says

    October 17, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    I knew my husband was the one when I had to get my appendix out. He slept on an uncomfortable hospital couch for two days and made sure I was eating and wrote down all the instructions from the hospital. We had only been dating a couple months. IT was the sweetest thing!

    Reply
  17. Manda Joy says

    October 17, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Oh my goodness, such great advice! Being humble is so important and such an attractive trait!

    Reply
  18. Paige Strand says

    October 17, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    I often disagree with posts that define “marriage material” but this is actually pretty spot on (from my perspective anyway).

    Reply
  19. Amanda Love says

    October 18, 2016 at 1:41 am

    Most people would end up settling with their SOs and it’s not really healthy because it could lead to divorce in the end. These are very good signs, especially since you’ll later realize that marriage is so much more than just love and trust.

    Reply
  20. Hannah A says

    October 18, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    I think for me openness and maturity are two big keys. I value honesty and openness above a lot of things. My boyfriend and I are honest to a fault with each other, and there’s absolutely nothing I feel that I can’t talk about with him.

    Reply
  21. Dawn McAlexander says

    October 18, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    These are really great points that you bring up here. I think that before marrying someone, you need to know exactly where each other stand. You need to know that the person you are with is worth the commitment. That sounds harsh, but it is the truth. If someone doesn’t show and enthusiasm for life and success, then you probably won’t be happy with them.

    Reply
  22. Kristin says

    October 19, 2016 at 1:57 am

    I think that sense of humor is important and a nurturing is also very important. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat others. I love your uniqueness category. That is so important.

    Reply
  23. Hugo says

    November 2, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Love your article! I suppose the same advice applies if you want to decide whether a girl is wife material…

    Reply
  24. Nicole @ AlwaysReiding says

    November 6, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    This is a great article. Perfect for those in the dating scene and THINKING about the dating scene. Stepping back and thinking about a person purposefully is a great way to determine the way they will be in your life.

    Reply
  25. shemen says

    January 3, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    Great read! I needed a man who loves God so I can feel safe. I had witness so many physical and emotional brutalization of women in marriage and never want to experience same. Thank God I found a man who loves Him, prays for me and is never scared of my success!

    Reply
  26. Shimonkepha says

    December 8, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    Well, these are just beautiful. I’m a guy and I’m trying to look at these in the aspect of choosing a female life partner. Any article on this?

    Reply

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I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

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How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **
Honest question: Do you spend any part of your day Honest question: Do you spend any part of your day feeling uncomfortable?

🤔 If no, why not?

🤔 If yes, why? What is it that you do to feel uncomfortable?

Putting ourselves in situations where we feel uncomfortable is so unnatural. The brain is WIRED to find the easiest way, the path of least resistance, to feel safe.

But if we let that go so long unchecked, we're likely to find ourselves in a comfortable routine where nothing changes and we begin to feel apathetic about our own progress and the world around us.

✖️ Choosing to not attend (and have a voice in) important meetings because it's easier to get a memo about it later.

 ✖️ Choosing not to get coffee with a person because it could get awkward if you don't know what to say.

✖️ Snoozing the alarm rather than waking up earlier to workout and make health a priority. 

✖️ Not approaching a homeless person with a bag of lunch because it's hard to look them in the eye when you have so much. 

✖️ Avoiding inviting a friend or family member into your home for an extended period of time so they can get back on their feet.

Being uncomfortable opens your eyes!! It's even scary sometimes. But it always leads to progress. It's impossible to grow without making yourself uncomfortable in some way.

What's something you've done recently that felt uncomfortable?

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