Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Marriage, Relationships · May 22, 2016

How to never be jealous of your significant other

Have any of you ever been jealous for your partner and not really known why? Or maybe you knew exactly why and you found that it was taking up way too much time in your thoughts. Jealousy can be a really consuming thing!

This post today comes with a lot of truth tied to it. I’ll also throw in a lot of realism in there. I’m going to be rolling out the honest in today’s post! But it is not void of love, trust me! I was actually asked to write a post on this subject by a friend who contacted me on my Facebook Page the other day.

Have any of you ever been jealous for your partner and not really known why? Or maybe you knew exactly why and you found that it was taking up way too much time in your thoughts. Jealousy can be a really consuming thing! Maybe some of you can relate to what my friend wrote:

“So I was wondering if you could write a post and share some wisdom on jealousy? I’ve never been a jealous person, and would never tell my boyfriend to stop talking to other women altogether, but lately I find myself feeling jealous and questioning who he talks to and why, etc. would love to hear your wisdom on the topic! Thanks in advance.”

So before we dive in, I’ll just cover my bases and say again that I warned you! But trust me, I’ve been on all sides of this jealousy thing! I’ve been jealous, I’ve had past significant others be jealous, and now I’m in a wonderful marriage where I’ve never been jealous. Not having to worry about your spouse and your relationship in that way is a wonderfully valuable thing. And my goal is for you to all have that same peace of mind!

Remember, it’s not too late to stop reading this post and pretend nothing happened…

Guy/Girl relationships… maybe not

So here it goes…

I don’t think husbands should have their own exclusive girl-friends. And I don’t think wives should have their own exclusive man-friends. If you have a dear friend from before you married, they are now a mutual friend with your husband, and likewise for his female friends. There may be a few exceptions to this rule, but in most cases I believe that if a man or woman is married, there’s no need to hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex, even in public (unless it’s work related, of course). What reason would I have to confide in or seek advice from another man other than my husband who is my closest friend? If I’d like to see my man friend just to catch up, we can do that together with my husband. It’s really not an awful, limiting thing to not be alone with the opposite sex. If you find it frustrating, I think you’ll also find that not having your spouse worry about who you’re meeting is a good payoff, (same goes for him). I don’t believe that my husband has any reason to meet a woman exclusively, friends or otherwise. I am his closest friend and if there’s a problem between us, then the appropriate thing to do is to fix that problem between us.

Guys who have mostly girl friends- RED FLAG

Now, as far as boyfriend-girlfriend relationships go, this same rule doesn’t apply. You’re not committed, you’re not “tied down,” go ahead and have guy friends if you like. BUT…. hanging out with only people of the opposite sex could be a red flag. In high school, I was the type of girl who said she loved hanging out with guy friends because she hated girl drama. But looking back, I realize that a huge reason why I loved hanging out with guys was because I simply loved the attention of being the only girl around! (Ouch, harsh but true). The same things goes with heterosexual guys who love hanging around groups of girls. *Attention!*

If you are looking for a “marry-able” man, stay away from the ones who crave the attention and approval of women.

Josh and I just had a talk with one of our little sisters about this last night. She’s in college and just got out of an unfortunately short-lived relationship. The guy she was dating was the type of guy who had a lot of girl friends. When they would go out to grab food together, his girl friends would run up, give him hugs, giggle at how funny he was, wave goodbye with big smiles and tell him that they needed to hang out sometime soon to catch up (as friends of course). Later on, their relationship hit a rough patch and my sister and her boyfriend didn’t talk for a couples days. The next time she saw him, he was holding hands with another girl, one who was probably readily available for him to confide in, complain to, and get attention from. Guys with lots of girl friends = red flag red flag red flag!!!!

In short, if you’re not married yet, sure- have some guy friends! But don’t forfeit your girl friends for them. Beware of guys with too many girl friends. And if you’re married, keep the guy and girl friends mutual. That way, there’s nothing to hide, no questions, nothing to even think about worrying about. It’s just easier that way. Keep it simple.

Don’t be afraid to check in

Now, we’re not talking having to know what your husband/boyfriend is doing every minute of the day. Men need their space. But the more committed you are in your relationship, the more you should have a general idea of where they are and what they’re doing. The way I mean this is, I know that before Josh went to work today, he was home. While he’s at work during the day, I check in to see how his day is going, (not in a sneaky/weird way, I just actually want to know if he’s having a good day), we joke around together, and I let him know when I’ll be bringing dinner (he works 12 hour shifts so I always run over with the toddler to bring him dinner and visit in the evenings). When he leaves work, he usually texts me to say he’s on his way or if he’s stopping at the grocery store (etc.) on his way home.

The point of this is to say, letting your spouse know where you are and who you’re with during the day should be guilt-free and a natural thing. Have you ever had someone guilt trip you for asking what they were doing? That could be a red flag! (Unless you just asked them 5 minutes ago, in which case you are probably just being annoying). Husbands and wives should feel no pain in volunteering information about where they’re at, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. Being transparent is a wonderful thing- especially if you don’t even have to ask! It should be as easy to talk about as the weather. Be wary of your partner getting defensive or being shady about what they did that day. Red flag red flag red flag!

Share passwords

All married couples need to do this. No exceptions. Why would there be a need to hide something on your computer or your phone from your spouse? Being transparent with bank account information, conversations, and visited websites is essential if you have any hopes of a flourishing, intimate marriage.

Now, obviously I don’t think a dating couples should exchange all their passwords and tell each other their bank account information. But transparency and openness is something that can still be practiced when you’re dating. Your significant other doesn’t have to know who you’ve been talking to on your phone, but it might be a good idea to tell them, just to put it out there, just to be transparent. If your significant other is transparent and open with you before you get married, they’ll be transparent afterwards also.

Since I take care of most of the home-management, my husband doesn’t know a lot of the passwords to our online accounts, but I make the passwords available to him if he wanted to log in somewhere. I’ve written down every password I’ve needed to our bills, bank accounts, social accounts, etc. and he knows exactly where to find it. And I know all of his passwords. And neither one of us is worried about that because there is nothing to hide.

Ok, the hard part’s over now…

Overall, if you’re a normal person (aka not being overly dramatic or needy or suspicious), the issue of jealousy can be easily quenched with good character and transparency. Watch out for iffy red flags! You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to know what your significant other did that day, it should be easy for them to tell you! And vice versa!

Love you all and hope this helps if you’ve been feeling a little green lately!

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In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: attention, best friends, boyfriend, dating, friends, girlfriend, green monster, guy/girl relationships, husband, intimacy, jealous, jealousy, marriage, married, openness, red flag, Relationships, shady, significant other, spouse, transparency, trust, wife

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Comments

  1. Stephanie says

    September 16, 2016 at 1:48 am

    That would make them Mormons. Correct!!! No , if haven’t had to share a man “unless he cheated” and if I did it would be on the terms as a friend. I would never share my thoughts ,dreams with him as a lover. I would defiantly lose respect for him as its obvious he has no respect for her. Hes not even lying to her which is worse. I hope she was the one whom wanted that arrangement. Apparently he’s not in love with her…..That relationship will never last . OF COURSE I dont know their relationship.

    I’m sure I’ve been jeoulosy at some point….Thats a emotion that I find useless.. but no I do not compare myself to other women. We all wish we could be a little younger, skinnier, whatever the case may be for that individual. I”m confident in looking in the mirror . I find what I lack.. I enjoy in my friends. Everyone.. likes looking at pretty people , “Why should any of that change. So, No,I”m not a jeoulous person and that has had a reverse affect on me in my past. I have faked being jeoulious in my past relationship because if I didn’t, he would accuse me of not caring or having a affair. That was exshausting. I figure if I like him at one point and now he likes someone else then she must have some good qualities. I must of trusted him if I was with him. Most men do not campare women to each other they just want what they want. Women are the ones whom campare our last relationship with our new relationship. Thats the mistake we make when bring up his ex to him. Referring back to your question. I would not worry about her ,its obivious hes disguarded her. I would be worried about the New woman that catches his eye.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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