Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Baby, Family, Kids, Toddler · December 5, 2017

How having your second child is different from having your first

YAY YOU’RE HAVING A BABY! The second one, that is. Or maybe you’ve already had him or her. Either way, you have to know that having a baby the second time around is not like the first. There are a few things you’ll know to expect, like the classic sleepless nights or diaper blowouts, but there’s a few things that may blindside you. Keep reading, you may just learn a thing or two.

YAY YOU’RE HAVING A BABY! The second one, that is. Or maybe you’ve already had him or her. Either way, you have to know that having a baby the second time around is not like the first. There are a few things you’ll know to expect, like the classic sleepless nights or diaper blowouts, but there are a few things that may blindside you. Keep reading, you may just learn a thing or two. That, or have your worst fears confirmed.

You’re mentally prepared for the sleepless nights. Bring it.

Congratulations, you’re already a pro at being sleep deprived and finding ways to functions the next day that this should be a piece of cake. Really though, for whatever reason, this wasn’t nearly as hard as when our first child was born and he started sleeping through the night at 6 months. Evy is currently 8 months and still wakes up at least twice and it’s no big deal. Sure, I wake up and my first thought is, “Coffffeeeeeeee” but that’s really no different than when I was in college or working so..

Your expectations are buried six feet under.

Not only are your expectations are low, they’re dead. You haven’t given up, of course not. Someone’s gotta keep those kids alive. You’re just a bit more flexxxible these days with how many items of processed foods your child consumes throughout the course of a day. You’ve gone from a, “Heck no” to more of a, “Ok, but this is the for real last one.”

Basically, all having low expectations means as a parent is that you get way less frustrated when you don’t get your way. Because that doesn’t happen anymore anyway.

You already have all the stuff. Maybe.

My piece of advice here: Let people know if there’s something you actually need. People figured that we had everything we needed for a new baby which was mostly true, but there were definitely a few things we could have used but no one asks for a registry the second time around. I wanted as long as I could after I knew all the showers had been thrown and then bought ourselves a mamaroo because we actually didn’t have a baby swing. We had borrowed one from a friend the first time around and had since given it back. So be sure to double check that you actually do have anything you need instead of realizing you overlooked something when you’re 38 weeks pregnant.

Also, if friends ask what you want and you’re not sure what to tell them, ask for diapers and gift cards. Always gift cards.

You know what you would/wouldn’t do the second time around.

Packing for the hospital stay alone was so much different for our second baby. I knew how my clothes would fit me, so I better knew what to pack. I invested in a better nursing bra (this comfortable nursing bra was great for the hospital and around the house while this underwire nursing bra was great for going out and feeling more like myself). I also invested in a pumping bra. I think I was crazy for never doing this for David because I actually worked full time after he was born and pumped like crazy. I learned my lesson and got a pumping bra the second time around and even though I didn’t pump nearly as much, I still freaking loved that thing.

You may find yourself way less nervous to go into a grocery store with the kids. Or if you are, you’ll just order what you need from Amazon or a grocery delivery service without even attempting to go into the store. Where we lived back in VA, our Kroger had what they called “ClickList’ where I could make my entire shopping list online and then pick a time the next day to pick it up, or even the same day if I put my order in early enough. When it was time to pick it up, I would park in the designated parking area and the store staff would bring me my groceries and load them into my trunk for me. And this only cost a flat rate of $5 no matter how much my order was. Heck, I’ll pay $10 to not have to get out of the car with a toddler and newborn and grocery shop.

You’ll get smart about leaving the house, because it won’t be easy.

I thought leaving the house with one kid was no joke, but two? Forget about it.

Not really. You still have to leave sometime.

In the beginning, we were cosleeping with Ev (our second). I remember getting up at 8 to start getting ready for the day. By the time I got myself and two kids ready, it was 10. And it’s not because I’m high maintenance.

Here’s how the morning would look:

  • I get up. Both kids still sleeping.
  • Brush my hair, teeth, face. UhhImean, wash.. Wash my face.
  • Put a k-cup in the Keurig.
  • Put yogurt cup and spoon on the table for 1st born.
  • Wake up 1st born.
  • Change and dress him while he’s still half asleep in bed, then tell him to eat his yogurt.
  • He follows me back into my room where 2nd born is waking up.
  • Feed her (because every interaction with her at this age begins with feeding).
  • Change her diaper, get her dressed, tell 1st born to eat his yogurt because we have to go.
  • Toddler melts down. He “didn’t even waaaaant yoguuuuurt.”
  • Make toast.
  • Put shoes on 1st born.
  • 2nd born pooped, change her again.
  • Put shoes back on 1st born because he forgot we were leaving when you stopped to change 2nd born.
  • Put on an episode of Paw Patrol while I slap on a little makeup for the day.
  • Finish doing makeup once “good enough” is reached.
  • Tell 1st born you’re leaving in 3 minutes while you top off 2nd born.
  • Put 1st born’s shoes on again. Why did you even bother the first two times?
  • Pack processed snack in diaper bag because 1st born never ate breakfast.
  • Put kids in car. Start car.
  • Run in to microwave cold coffee and run back out in a fury fearing someone’s seen you leave the kids buckled in their car seats at 10 in the morning and already called the cops.
  • ARE YOU KIDDING ME IT’S 10 AM??!!
  • Drive lunch over to husband who asks, “What are you up to today?”
  • Die.

Your oldest will surprise you

There’s not “typical” way your first born is going to react and adjust to having a sibling for the first time. They may smother them by wanting to share all their toys at the same time or they may try to hoard all the toys for themself because sharing isn’t exactly second nature. David, our oldest, LOVED his baby sister. We had to make sure he didn’t strangle her by hugging her too hard. But even so, he had some behavior regression. More meltdowns and attitudes. Even though our standards and expectations for him didn’t change, we tried to give him as much love as we possibly could because sharing mom and dad for the first time can’t be easy.

You’ll feel like “yourself” again way sooner.

Ok, I can’t speak for everyone, but after we had our second, life went back to our new normal way faster than after we had our first. And that’s what we wanted. We justed wanted to bring our baby back home and get going with life again. After families in our church had finished bringing us meals (our church had an awesome 2-week meal plan for families with new babies, illnesses, and various hardships. It was awesome), getting back into cooking was no biggie. And it may sound weird, but I couldn’t wait to get my butt in the gym again. As soon as Ev was 6 weeks old and able to be watched by our gym’s childcare (where she would sleep the whole time at that age) I went back and got myself and hour of me-time a few days a week again.

 

I also started wearing clothes I liked again waaaay sooner. For whatever reason, after having David, I think someone deceived me into thinking that clothes were only comfortable if they were too big and frumpy. I probably just had no idea with what to do with my betweener body (you know, between baby and whatever shape you are 3 to 6 to 18 months later). The second time around, I had an epiphany that I felt much more like myself when I wore clothes that made me feel good about myself. You know, clothes that fit and looked good.

Shop the post below!

Shop the post!

Piper & Scoot Hailey DressPiper & Scoot Hailey Dress
HM CardiganHM Cardigan
Vera Monte TightsVera Monte Tights
HM Laced BootsHM Laced Boots

YAY YOU’RE HAVING A BABY! The second one, that is. Or maybe you’ve already had him or her. Either way, you have to know that having a baby the second time around is not like the first. There are a few things you’ll know to expect, like the classic sleepless nights or diaper blowouts, but there’s a few things that may blindside you. Keep reading, you may just learn a thing or two.

 

 

In: Baby, Family, Kids, Toddler · Tagged: baby, change, child, dad, deliver, delivery, deprived, different, expectations, family, hospital, husbabd, infant, kid, kids, mentally prepare, mom, new, newborn, older, pregnancy, pregnant, ready, second, sibling, sleep, toddler, two, wife, younger

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Comments

  1. Anne | onedeterminedlife says

    December 7, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    These are all so true! I was so mich better prepared for my second child then I was my first. It also helped that I did not suffer from Ppd after birth number 2.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
  • Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just write a long list to your spouse of all the things he does that drive you insane?? I have done this. 8 of the Worst Marriage Habits
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  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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