One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ S One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ So blessed to call this family mine!
Just beachy 🌴 Just beachy 🌴
Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and I have been pretty go-with-the-flow with Cleo, we've found that she's been getting overly tired at night and almost inconsolable. So the last few nights we've been intentionally putting her to bed around the same time as Davey and Evy and she's actually been loving it? Go figure (also, not complaining! 😆).

Also.. today I walked out of the house to grab something from the car and this 10~ year old girl was walking by with her mom and she goes, "Mom she looks like Barbie!!"

Well that's the best compliment I've had in a while and I'm gonna hold onto it 💖
I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" ty I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" type person, and for the most part that's true. But what I've realized recently is that I'm good at going with the flow when I can see a good outcome down the road. But if I smell trouble, "go with the flow" Chelsea is gone with the wind 🌬️

This week we were working on memorizing some Bible verses with the kids. Evy randomly chose Psalm 119:105, "Your word is like a lamp that shows me the way, it is like a light that guides me."

It made me think about how all through scripture, God is just BEGGING us to trust that he has it all figured out. And time and time again, he comes through and does exactly what he says he's going to do. 

But for whatever reason, whenever anything unexpected happens, we immediately think that we need to jump in and control the situation. Some of us are really good at it, too. So it can be really difficult to leave the unknown in God's hands and trust that, yet again, he will provide. 

In this season of unknown for us, I'm praying daily for God to do His will with our family, that he would use us for good, and that we would trust the outcome. It's a scary thing to pray. But ultimately, that's exactly how we hope our short lives will be used—following the path he leads us.
Happy 6th birthday to the OG sister! There's no be Happy 6th birthday to the OG sister! There's no better feeling than getting to know the wonderful person she is growing into. We're so proud of this girl!! 6 is going to be a great year 💕
I'd want to sleep all day, too, if I were up every I'd want to sleep all day, too, if I were up every hour last night 🙃🙃 

Outfit @honest 🦋
Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
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Marriage, Relationships · October 9, 2018

How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Marriage

If I’m being very honest, there’s been more than once in our marriage when I’ve felt very alone. Times when I stood unaccompanied in my kitchen staring at the cabinets thinking, “Ok, God. It’s just you and me now.”

During these times, I knew that I had given my word to stay married to my husband until the end of my life, and I had all but resolved that from here on out, I would just have to live with the choice I made. I figured I could either be depressed, constantly wishing things were different and allow my disappointment to control my feelings, or, I could place my hope in Christ alone and live in the joy that only He can provide.

I decided to do the ladder. I decided to go on about my life, living peaceably with my husband, not starting the same fight again and again. At first, although we weren’t fighting anymore, I would often feel resentment for the lack of change I wanted to see. See, during those times, I was angry that Josh wasn’t the husband I had imagined I’d be with one day. Instead, I found out the hard way that he was a real human being just like myself. A flawed, and sometimes selfish human being.

During that time, instead of finding what I so desperately wanted from my husband, I learned what it truly meant to be content in Christ. Eventually, my anger with my husband subsided. Eventually, I began to pray for him. And eventually, God humbled me.

One of the things God taught me was that I had expectations for Josh that he never actually had for himself; and when my expectations weren’t met, it showed in my anger and bitterness towards my him. Something I didn’t realize was that I never even communicated these expectations with Josh until I was already angry that he wasn’t fulfilling them.

For example, I never communicated with Josh that I simply expected him to have an extremely strong work ethic. That’s what I had seen in my dad growing up and I simply expected any husband to be like that. And while Josh has always worked hard at his job (he’s received several promotions and employee of the month awards) he always had the mindset that home was for rest and family. My fault was in never appreciating the fact that Josh wanted to spend time with his family instead of rushing onto the next project. Something my father-with-a-strong-work-ethic could have been better at if we’re being honest.

As I more and more surrendered my marriage to Christ, God taught me to hold my expectations with an open hand. Josh wasn’t a horrible person just because he didn’t meet my expectations. Not even that, but when I looked deeper, I realized that my expectations for him were often ones I didn’t even have for myself! When I worked full-time hours, I also liked to come home and relax for a while.

God has taught me to start appreciating the differences between Josh and I. I took it upon myself to learn more about his love language and his personality type. It helped me to understand more about why he did the things that he did. Guess what Josh’s love language is? Quality time! So you can also guess how he felt when he came home from his job and I tried to put him to work? He also felt alone and like I didn’t want to spend any time with him!

There could be a hundred different reasons why you might one day wake up and feel completely alone in your marriage. It could be that your husband broke your trust or constantly fails to live up to your expectations. I want to ask you to evaluate your expectations. Are they the same expectations that God would have for your husband? Look deeper into the psychology of why your husband makes the choices he does. Make an effort to take a short walk in his shoes, give him the benefit of the doubt, and ask God to open your eyes and allow you to understand your husband.

Of course, it could very well be that your husband is dropping the ball. In that case, start with prayer. Pray for change in your husband’s life but also ask God to give you an accurate view of yourself and remember the times when you drop the ball. Do your best to communicate your expectations without any ultimatums attached. Let him know that you love him no matter what, but you know he can do better.

Also read: If I’m a Christian, Do I Need to Put up With My Husband’s Crap?

Then, be content. Encourage him and say thank you when he makes an effort to change. But, keep in mind that he is not perfect and he will make mistakes. Don’t nag him when he does! We all need room to fail and as frustrating as it might be, showing him grace (rather than nagging) when he fails after communicating your expectations will only make him appreciate your support that much more.

In the end, if our joy is founded in Christ, we put much less pressure on our husbands to be Mr. Right. Showing grace will ultimately be so much easier because you will remember the grace that Christ first showed you.

 

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: alone, conflict, conflict resolution, divorce, expectation, feel, husband, love language, marriage, prayer, Relationships, wife

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Comments

  1. judy (cape town - south africa) says

    October 9, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    chelsea, i love how you are open and direct in addressing these topics that i personally (and other wives – I’m sure) EXPERIENCE. i sometimes don’t know where to take my questions to/who to share it with in fear of being judged. i also love how you are able to ALIGN the faith and practicality (taking into consideration our human nature) in addressing them.

    Thank you for what you are doing and please continue to do so – it makes a big difference to someone who needs it.

  2. Ntombenhle says

    October 10, 2018 at 6:20 am

    Thanks my problem with my husband is money he earn no more than myself but I don’t know what he doing with his money he buy groceries only with R3000 and he earn R18.000 a month he doesn’t have a car we have 2 room house. am stressed and he do want to talk about the money.

  3. SUe says

    October 13, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    I’ve been married for 30 years and my husband and I have 5 children. i totally get the feeling alone aspect of marriage. My husband haS a very strong work ethic, but it was never about the next project or job. It was/is always about providing for his family. And just as much about making it possible for me to be a stay-aT-home mom. We wanted that for our children instead of two Parents working outside of the home. When I aSked him about it yesterday, he implied that it was not about choice, but about what was needed to provide and keep me home. He is absolutely devoted to his family. And i know there were many times he wanted to be around more. It wAs a sacrifice on his parT. With kids in college and weddings to pay for now, the demand seems to be unending. I find lonelIness comes And goes,but this is our life and we wouldn’t change the joys it brings.

  4. Ayanna says

    October 19, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    Thank you for being so open and honest about something so many of us face in marriage. I used to have unstated and unrealistic expectations of my husband as well that also lead to many problems for us. With releasing those expectations and learning to put God both at the center of my life and our marriage, changed everything.

  5. laycistercians says

    April 22, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! Marriage can only be as deep and grounded in God as you desire it to be by how much you seek and pursue god together as a couple.

  6. Lindsey says

    January 19, 2021 at 2:27 pm

    I am struggling in my marriage in so many ways. One of the biggest is feeling alone. I do not think my husband has a personal relationship with God. My relationship with Christ is suffering because I am putting so much energy into “fixing” my marriage. I want nothing more than to raise our daughter in Christ and teach her how to be a submissive wife to her God-loving husband, but that is not the example we are setting for her. We fight constantly, and I feel like I am raising her on my own, he just babysits sometimes. I want him to become our spiritual leader, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. We have some rough things in our past that I am still working on overcoming, but not knowing that he has the Holy Spirit to guide him makes me worry that those things will happen again.

Trackbacks

  1. How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Your Marriage says:
    November 13, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    […] article was written by Chelsea Damon and originally appeared on Living the Sweet Wife. Check out more from Chelsea on her blog or […]

  2. How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Your Marriage | All About The Kitchen And Home says:
    November 29, 2018 at 9:37 am

    […] article was written by Chelsea Damon and originally appeared on Living the Sweet Wife. Check out more from Chelsea on her blog or […]

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ S One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ So blessed to call this family mine!
Just beachy 🌴 Just beachy 🌴
Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and I have been pretty go-with-the-flow with Cleo, we've found that she's been getting overly tired at night and almost inconsolable. So the last few nights we've been intentionally putting her to bed around the same time as Davey and Evy and she's actually been loving it? Go figure (also, not complaining! 😆).

Also.. today I walked out of the house to grab something from the car and this 10~ year old girl was walking by with her mom and she goes, "Mom she looks like Barbie!!"

Well that's the best compliment I've had in a while and I'm gonna hold onto it 💖
I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" ty I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" type person, and for the most part that's true. But what I've realized recently is that I'm good at going with the flow when I can see a good outcome down the road. But if I smell trouble, "go with the flow" Chelsea is gone with the wind 🌬️

This week we were working on memorizing some Bible verses with the kids. Evy randomly chose Psalm 119:105, "Your word is like a lamp that shows me the way, it is like a light that guides me."

It made me think about how all through scripture, God is just BEGGING us to trust that he has it all figured out. And time and time again, he comes through and does exactly what he says he's going to do. 

But for whatever reason, whenever anything unexpected happens, we immediately think that we need to jump in and control the situation. Some of us are really good at it, too. So it can be really difficult to leave the unknown in God's hands and trust that, yet again, he will provide. 

In this season of unknown for us, I'm praying daily for God to do His will with our family, that he would use us for good, and that we would trust the outcome. It's a scary thing to pray. But ultimately, that's exactly how we hope our short lives will be used—following the path he leads us.

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One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ S One of the best Mother's Days! Thanks fam ❤️ So blessed to call this family mine!
Just beachy 🌴 Just beachy 🌴
Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and Some photos of life recently. As much as Josh and I have been pretty go-with-the-flow with Cleo, we've found that she's been getting overly tired at night and almost inconsolable. So the last few nights we've been intentionally putting her to bed around the same time as Davey and Evy and she's actually been loving it? Go figure (also, not complaining! 😆).

Also.. today I walked out of the house to grab something from the car and this 10~ year old girl was walking by with her mom and she goes, "Mom she looks like Barbie!!"

Well that's the best compliment I've had in a while and I'm gonna hold onto it 💖
I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" ty I've always seen myself as a "go with the flow" type person, and for the most part that's true. But what I've realized recently is that I'm good at going with the flow when I can see a good outcome down the road. But if I smell trouble, "go with the flow" Chelsea is gone with the wind 🌬️

This week we were working on memorizing some Bible verses with the kids. Evy randomly chose Psalm 119:105, "Your word is like a lamp that shows me the way, it is like a light that guides me."

It made me think about how all through scripture, God is just BEGGING us to trust that he has it all figured out. And time and time again, he comes through and does exactly what he says he's going to do. 

But for whatever reason, whenever anything unexpected happens, we immediately think that we need to jump in and control the situation. Some of us are really good at it, too. So it can be really difficult to leave the unknown in God's hands and trust that, yet again, he will provide. 

In this season of unknown for us, I'm praying daily for God to do His will with our family, that he would use us for good, and that we would trust the outcome. It's a scary thing to pray. But ultimately, that's exactly how we hope our short lives will be used—following the path he leads us.
Happy 6th birthday to the OG sister! There's no be Happy 6th birthday to the OG sister! There's no better feeling than getting to know the wonderful person she is growing into. We're so proud of this girl!! 6 is going to be a great year 💕
I'd want to sleep all day, too, if I were up every I'd want to sleep all day, too, if I were up every hour last night 🙃🙃 

Outfit @honest 🦋
Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??

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