Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??
This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m s This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m so grateful for it.

On the one hand, there’s so much to do to get ready for little one to join us—it’s been a while since we’ve had a newborn! I’m spending most of my free time writing and nesting, nesting and writing. 

And then on the other hand, I’m feeling pretty ready to have my body back. And by that, I mean just to be done literally sharing it with another being. You start to miss things after a while like being able to breathe when you lay on your back or not getting indigestion for eating a few grapes. 

Overall, there’s so much to be thankful for. Each little inconvenience is a blessing and I’m happy they’re there. I’ll also be happy when they’re over. For now, I’m just savoring being a mom of “older kids” (8 and going on 6) that can grab their own snacks from time to time and put on their own shoes. We’re going to be heading back to square one in a couple months and I’m sure there’s a lot we’ve forgotten!
Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
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Dating, engaged, Marriage · March 13, 2017

8 things every married couple should talk about openly and often

Now a lot of married couples would probably tell you that they can talk to their spouse about anything. But is that really true? I’ve actually come across a lot who have a hard time even bringing certain subjects up in their own marriages. Cross-check this list and see if these subjects come up regularly in your own marriage. If they don’t- maybe it’s time they should!

Now a lot of married couples would probably tell you that they can talk to their spouse about anything. But is that really true? I’ve actually come across a lot who have a hard time even bringing certain subjects up in their own marriages. Cross-check this list and see if these subjects come up regularly in your own marriage. If they don’t- maybe it’s time they should!

1 | Finances

You knew this was going to be in this post somewhere, so might as well get it out of the way. While a lot of married couples have one person who is more “financially minded” (that would be me in our marriage) it’s uber important to be on the same page with your spouse about your finances. This includes this like: what you spend your money on, how much money you spend on those things, what your savings goals are, etc. Of course those are really broad, but as a rule of thumb, the more open you are about money and the more you’re able to stay on the same page, the less frustrated you’ll be later.

Being the financial person in our marriage, Josh used to trust me with all things finances and never checked our bank account- like never. And being an impulsive person, this wasn’t always the best thing for our savings account. Not that I would spend much at all, but I found myself making lots of little impulsive purchases here and there that would really add up at the end of the month. Things like gourmet coffees from over-priced coffee shops, new clothes and makeup from Target that I didn’t really need, snacks that probably only looked good because I went shopping hungry- that kind of stuff. But- I realized that what I was doing was hurting our bank account. So I asked him to check in on it here and there. Now, knowing that my husband actually looks at our bank statements and wouldn’t support my decision to buy yet another outfit from Target, I have an easier time putting it back on the rack than I used to. And our bank account is happier this way as well. The same principle has always applied to him, it’s just an equal playing field now.

You and your spouse should BOTH have a good idea of where your money goes. #marriage #sweetwife
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My point is, while one person in your relationship might be better at handling money, both you and your spouse should have a good idea of where your money goes. That’s all.

2 | Critical things

No, not like mission critical. More like constructive criticism. Josh and I were watching the show Arrow on Netflix the other night and a piece of relationship advice was given that went something like this: “Find someone you never have to apologize to.”

Josh and I immediately looked at each other and said, “Uhhhhhh… that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works…”

What she meant by saying, “Find someone you never have to apologize to,” was that you should find someone who understands you so much that you never have to apologize for not being there for them, because they’ll understand that you had a good reason. Except that’s really really not how life works. Am I right? What if your significant other actually doesn’t have a good reason for letting you down? Are you going to simply understand why they did what they did and not hold them to a standard to where some of their actions are considered unacceptable?

I mean, as much as it’s great practice to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt (read more on why I think so here), there also comes a time and a place to hold them to a standard. Now, I’ve talked about this issue before (you can read about it here). But for this to work at all, your standards with your spouse are going to need to be mutually understood. Otherwise, if your standards are different, your words will only sound naggy and go in one ear and come out the other. So, that being said, don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your spouse how they could improve (where it matters).

3 | Feelings

The other day I was speaking with a married woman who I have been close to for a long time. She told me that she tries to communicate with her husband, but there seems to be a wall there. Although she’s able to ask him to change and do something differently in their relationship, and he doesn’t reject her when she asks, she still never actually sees the changes she asks for. So while my friend is being open with her husband about what she would like to see change (which is great!) she feels extremely hurt by the fact that her requests are being ignored.

Knowing her husband, like many other husbands, I don’t think he is intentionally trying to ignore my friend. He’s actually a really good husband- and she thinks so too. But what my friend finds hard to do is express how her husband’s actions (or lack thereof) are hurting her. Yes, she’s told him what she would like to see change, but when the change never came, she has a hard time letting him know how that makes her feel. And having a good husband who does most other things right can make it even harder at times to let him know that he is disappointing you in this one way that actually matters a lot.

My advice to her and women who find themselves in similar situations is to tell your husband how his actions are making you feel. He may simply not realized how important your request is and by letting him know that his actions hurt he’ll be given the second chance to understand the importance of what you’re asking and then hopefully, follow through!

4 | Bedroom Stuff

And I’m not just talking about the sheets you put on your bed. A lot of people come to and seek out other marriage blogs for advice on how to handle certain things in the bedroom. Which is totally fine and great! But marriage blogs can only give you so much advice for your life behind the bedroom doors. The rest is really going to be up to you and that spouse of yours.

Talking openly about your sex life is easier the earlier you start, but this can be done later in life, and you can get to the point where you feel comfortable doing it- with practice. If this is something that doesn’t come naturally to your in your spouse, but you want to try to talk about it more, start light. Be sure that you and your hubby are in a comfortable setting and don’t lay whatever is on your mind too heavy on him if this is not something you usually talk about. Try to keep it light at first and listen to what he has to say about sex as well. Then, after you both become more comfortable talking openly about your sex life, don’t be afraid dive a little deeper, always remembering to keep it an open discussion.

5 | Funny things

Many marriages fall apart for many different reasons. A lot of those reasons have to do with the standards and confrontation and honesty we talked about above. But, marriages can also fall apart even when it seems as though there is nothing structurally wrong at all.

In my experience, marriages can sneakily begin to disintegrate when a couple forgets how to laugh together. I’ve even gone through a period like this (specifically when our son was very young). To be honest, I was tired and stressed out and still adjusting to being a mommy who was needed at what seemed like every second of every day. Laughter began to seem like a distraction from getting the things done on my very long to-do list and I began to ignore it or even find it frustrating when my husband would try to have fun with me.

When I learned to live in the moment and enjoy those small moments with my family, I saw that my to-do list didn’t change, but my attitude sure did.

Living in the moment&enjoying the small things doesn’t change my to-do list, but it DOES change my attitude #momlife
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6 | Future Things

Ah, this is one of my favorite things to talk about! And I don’t think this is a hard one for many young-ish or new couples. But for many who may find themselves living in what seems more or less like a daily routine, the future may be something you haven’t talked about in a while. While my last point points out that it’s really important to also live in the moment, it’s wonderful to have dreams and plans and a vision of the future with your spouse, no matter how long you’ve been married!

One of Josh’s and my favorite things to do is put David to bed and get a bench and set it up in our open yard and talk while looking up at the stars. We talk about life and what’s going on in the now, but we love to talk about what our family might look like in the future, where we could possibly travel some day, the possibility of moving closer to our families. All that good stuff.

This being said, it’s also important to always remember to be content. If you’re always living in the future, but things end up not going as you planned, it’s important to roll with the punches and be thankful for everything that you do have and the experiences you have shared together.

7 | Spiritual things

Really, “spiritual things” should be something you talk about way before you ever decide to get married. But if you’re married and reading this and realizing that spiritual things actually never come up, don’t worry, there’s still hope. Now, I find that couples are either on the same page with their spiritual beliefs, or, if they’re not, their beliefs are usually seldom talked about in order to avoid yet another passionate argument that always ends the same way.

Being a Christian, we read in the Bible that we shouldn’t marry anyone who doesn’t believe God’s Word like we do. And that’s not because we’re better than those who don’t believe. But because when the Apostle Paul wrote those words, he knew what it would look like to have a marriage between two people who believe and value very different things. Yes, you can make it work. But wouldn’t you want a marriage where your spouse believes the same core things that you do? I mean, not believing in the same values, spiritual beliefs, and convictions as your spouse is a HUGE thing to not have in common! And if you plan on making a relationship like that work, there’s going to be a lot that you don’t talk about- you know, in order to keep the peace. Because eventually, trying to get your spouse to believe what you believe is going to grow old. The same arguments are going to grow old. And- truth be told- they’ll either stop because you and your spouse decide to separate or because you decide to be silent about those things.

So, if you- Christian- find yourself in this place, the most you can do is live out your faith the very best you can and pray for your spouse. Christianity is never going to look more attractive by trying to convince someone that it is.

John 3:34-45 says, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

8 | Embarrassing things

Yet another one of my favorite things to talk about with Josh. This is actually something that often falls under #5- funny things- for us. But embarrassing things can be more serious as well. For the most part, try to be open and set the example that it’s ok to laugh at yourself from time to time- or quite often like me. It’s also quite alright to start off the conversation by simply telling your spouse that you’re embarrassed but you would like to talk to them about whatever it is anyway.

There are lots of things on this list that any couple could find embarrassing to talk about if not done openly and often enough. But being open about most things will take the embarrassment out of many potentially awkward subjects. I like to tell people that conversations are only awkward if you believe they are. If you and your spouse seek to be open and understand each other in most things, then awkward conversations won’t really be a thing you have to deal with.

Think of anything that I missed? What other topics should be on this list? Leave your thoughts in the comments below and share this post with the married couples in your life!

Now a lot of married couples would probably tell you that they can talk to their spouse about anything. But is that really true? I’ve actually come across a lot who have a hard time even bringing certain subjects up in their own marriages. Cross-check this list and see if these subjects come up regularly in your own marriage. If they don’t- maybe it’s time they should!

http://chelseadamon.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/8-things-every-married-couple-should-talk-about-openly-and-often.png

In: Dating, engaged, Marriage · Tagged: bedroom, beliefs, conflict, confrontation, constructive criticism, conversation, couple, criticism, feelings, finances, funny, future, husband, marriage, married, money, sex, speak, spiritual, talk, values, wife, words

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Comments

  1. Ty says

    March 15, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Such a great reminder, it’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday. Spending time talking about the important things is so important in this digital world ❤

  2. Yasmine @ Mommy Cries Too says

    March 16, 2017 at 4:26 am

    Chelsea,
    This is a great list. I’m the same way with the small purchases so I try to go shopping with my husband. There’s no way I’m buying another lipstick with him standing behind me. Especially because I have about 30 that I’m too shy to wear.
    Talking about your childhood can be another good one. It’s allowed me to learn so much about who my husband is and why he behaves certain ways. He isn’t big on feelings so this is the next best thing.

  3. Heidi says

    March 20, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    My father passed away suddenly at the end of January. Although it is a difficult discussion to have, I would add “end of life” subjects like: life support and funeral wishes, to this list.

  4. Scoot says

    March 21, 2017 at 12:43 am

    So what if you thought about maybe half of these deeply before you got married young and agreed with as a couple. Now 13 years and 3 kids later, you might work well with only one or two of them? Deciding either to split up or to live in daily pain (maybe not forever, but often years) for the sake of continuity and family can be one of the most devastating hopeless scenarios you experience in life. Choose wisely.

    • Chelsea says

      March 21, 2017 at 1:01 am

      Hi Scoot,

      Are you saying that these things should only be discussed and determined once? And not as a couple changes and grows?

  5. Peter E says

    March 28, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    Hi,

    I’m a guy. #3 hits the pin on the needle for me. My GF and I have recently separated. Each year she asked me for changes in our relationship. I didn’t reject the idea of making changes. But Year after year she kept reminding me of her request. I had thought I was being a good BF. I wasn’t clear on understanding her expectations. Until recently she drew the line. She told me how much my actions were hurting her. I had no idea how much pain I was putting her through until it was TOO LATE.
    My advice from the other side? I wish I read this article sooner to understand things from her perspective.

  6. Trish says

    April 26, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Set straight each other’s definition of cheating. Mine has always been if you can’t say or do or text or email what you’re doing with another girl right in front of me…..its cheating. Unfortunately, my husband’s definition of cheating was….unless he is caught red handed with his hoo haa actually in the other woman. Well then he wasn’t cheating.

  7. Sandi says

    October 20, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Who will care for the child(ren) in case of both of your deaths. Also wills, prenuptial agreements, how and who will handle emergency if you both work, such as kids getting sick in school, pipes bursting in the house. It seems trivial but you would be surprised how much this can effect a relationship. Also talk about investments. I known this comes under finances, but most couples just think about savings and bills when you say that.

  8. miranda says

    June 13, 2018 at 1:29 pm

    Really good post Chelsea. I think you pinpointed some key areas in a healthy marriage. sharing on my FB page:)

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
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  • Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again. How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage
  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??
This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m s This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m so grateful for it.

On the one hand, there’s so much to do to get ready for little one to join us—it’s been a while since we’ve had a newborn! I’m spending most of my free time writing and nesting, nesting and writing. 

And then on the other hand, I’m feeling pretty ready to have my body back. And by that, I mean just to be done literally sharing it with another being. You start to miss things after a while like being able to breathe when you lay on your back or not getting indigestion for eating a few grapes. 

Overall, there’s so much to be thankful for. Each little inconvenience is a blessing and I’m happy they’re there. I’ll also be happy when they’re over. For now, I’m just savoring being a mom of “older kids” (8 and going on 6) that can grab their own snacks from time to time and put on their own shoes. We’re going to be heading back to square one in a couple months and I’m sure there’s a lot we’ve forgotten!
Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊 The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊

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