Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??
This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m s This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m so grateful for it.

On the one hand, there’s so much to do to get ready for little one to join us—it’s been a while since we’ve had a newborn! I’m spending most of my free time writing and nesting, nesting and writing. 

And then on the other hand, I’m feeling pretty ready to have my body back. And by that, I mean just to be done literally sharing it with another being. You start to miss things after a while like being able to breathe when you lay on your back or not getting indigestion for eating a few grapes. 

Overall, there’s so much to be thankful for. Each little inconvenience is a blessing and I’m happy they’re there. I’ll also be happy when they’re over. For now, I’m just savoring being a mom of “older kids” (8 and going on 6) that can grab their own snacks from time to time and put on their own shoes. We’re going to be heading back to square one in a couple months and I’m sure there’s a lot we’ve forgotten!
Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
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engaged, Guest Post, Marriage, Relationships · February 16, 2017

3 tips for effective communication with your husband

 

I want to thank Jerry Stumpf, from Jerrystumpf.com, for taking the time to share his thoughts on Living the Sweet Wife! He and his wife are marriage counselors and Jerry blogs to encourage couples to communicate effectively and have the marriage of their dreams! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts and check out Jerry on Facebook and Twitter! 


Women often lament the poor listening skills by their husband. They often tell us, “If he would just listen to me!”

The problem is not that he is not listening, his actions are not how you need him to listen! Let me explain this a bit more, and then show you 3 straightforward approaches to point him in the right direction within your conversations.

Most conversational matters stem from our inability to see our spouse as being opposite from our own skill sets. As a woman, you have extremely sensitive abilities to tune into a conversation and listen, extremely focused on the presenters remarks. In the briefest of seconds, you hear direction, emotional concerns by that lady and you perfectly perceive your part in the discussion.

Men, well, we are equipped with abilities which seem at odds with yours. These are not right or wrong abilities, they contrast your own capability. Your husband is “wired,” that is his internal makeup, as your protector, provider, and supplier for the family. When you invite him to a casual or important conversation with you, he is immediately ready to assist you in conquering the “dragons” that he sees which threaten your well-being. That’s a good trait, but one different from your own competency.

We easily understand each other’s physical differences when we see each other naked. However, when God says, “male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27), this goes much deeper than our skin formation, it is woven into our very DNA. Let me delve VERY LIGHTLY into this contrast and give 3 painless approaches in protecting your husband which will bring value to his core. These tips will help you effectively tune into his conversations and encourage his thoughtful participation when you need him to be attentive in yours.

I am amazed how women can discuss and solve complex subjects without writing down one note. Women can tune into one another with laser precision, talk through various subjects, while staying in harmony with each other. When there is confusion, it seems a simple task to clarify those confusions, redirect ideas, and then draw succinct conclusions which satisfy each participant in the discussion.

This process goes on no matter the environment- kids, school, sporting events, shopping, church, etc. and with any number of women from dissimilar social or interest backgrounds. There is a common link that connects you via verbal interchanges.

Easy! Right?

For you, yes. but not so for men.

A man listens to these conversations very bewildered, as we are not equipped to accomplish the same verbal exchange.

We, men, need our notepad, our specific direction as the discussion begins, our steps to accomplishment, and of course, a conclusion all tidied up so we understand our role in the conversation. Within our marriage, we want to set everything right in your world as the protector, provider, and supplier of what the family needs.

So I am sure you are way ahead of me. A huge chasm exists between a typical married couple where men and women hunger to enjoy meaningful dialogue.

As a loving, dedicated wife, how can you assist your husband to be a bit more conversational and not so MALE in verbal exchanges where he understands precisely his role in each conversation you two have from now on?

Here are 3 (easy) to implement habits to direct him without manipulation or pushing your agenda upon his tender psyche.

1 |  Identify your husband’s activity in every conversation

At the present, unless you have clearly delineated his part in your conversations, he listens and responds as a man, duh! So give him unmistakable guidelines where he will tune into your words, instead of crafting solutions. We men must learn to hear with our heart and not our head as we strive to love you as you crave.

This is a whole new discipline for your hubby, with a sharp and sometimes painful learning curve. Remember you are asking him to readjust his inner “wiring” to be better equipped to understand your needs.

This is very Biblical. Check out I Peter 3:7 as the Apostle tells husbands to “live with their wives in an understand way (manner)” We are to do our best to learn our wife’s desires, needs, and traits.

This is a change for him so be as clear as possible what you need, to feel he is actively engaged in your discussions.

Grant your husband room to adjust to this new environment. Authentic love seeks the other person’s best interest, so assist him to adjust to this change. Once he adapts to his new activity, he will be at peace since you are given what you need to feel at home in your conversations. His learning curve should be presented as his caring for you.

2 | Be willing to adjust a bit as well and attempt to turn the situation around; listen to his generated discussions as he needs you to.

Keep in mind to focus on his male needs when he brings something up and when he seeks your input. Be ready to generate specific ideas or tell him you will get back to him with some ideas later when you have some suggestions. Then, as you acquire ideas, share them with your man.

Be willing to say to him, “Well you might try…”, “Have you thought of …” or some pertinent idea that fits the issue he raised. He asked you insights because he values your ideas- so do not simply listen, nod an affirmation and walk away when you see a pause in the conversation. This is very disrespectful to your husband’s heart. He is looking for points to solve an issue so give him validation that you heard him and a solution or two is all he needs.

3 | Make it clear that sometimes you need his feedback and solutions for solving a problem, or to examine a circumstance that troubles or perplexes you.

He is no good at mind-reading, if you tell him repeatedly and clearly, his part is to listen (see #1 above) he might be a bit confused when you initiate a conversation and don’t ask for his input when that is precisely what you need. Maybe say something such as, “Honey, how would you …” or “Honey, I am wrestling with a problem and I could really use your advice. Let me share the problem and then would you give me your suggestions?”

As marriage coaches, Elaine and I have used this 3-step approach to help couples understand their roles in conversations. There are other ideas we share, however, this is a great starting point for your particular relationship.

When this three step process is adapted to your marriage, you two love birds can engage each other any time you need to share your feelings about any topic and both parties know their part in the conversation.

Here are 3 short assignments to add to your communication repertoire:

1| Ask your husband what are 4 ways you can show him how much you appreciate or value him as your husband.

2| Ask him to name 2 creative date night destinations that he would like for you to plan.

3|  How can I listen to you like you want me to listen?

Imagine how it will be when you turn back the clock to your private, intimate dates before you were married.  I’ll bet he could not get enough of your time alone to just sit and talk, right? Well he needs to get back to that experience again but this time with your help!

I appreciate Chelsea inviting me to share these 3 suggestions and some insights into your husband’s makeup to develop the very best marriage possible!    

Your friend,

Get in touch with Jerry here:

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Jerry Stumpf
Blogger, Author at Jerrystumpf.com
Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach, and marriage mentor.

Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, and interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many tools which captivate each other in deeper conversations.

Jerry has been married forty-three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

Cracking The Marriage Code was his first book. http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Jerry- Stumpf/e/B00QXSM2PO

He has written several FREE eBooks which can be accessed through an email request at : [email protected]

Husband to Hero In 10 Easy Steps and Seven Quick & Easy Steps To Show Love To Your Wife, Becoming The Wow Factor For Your Husband.
Latest posts by Jerry Stumpf (see all)
  • 3 tips for effective communication with your husband - February 16, 2017

In: engaged, Guest Post, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: conflict, confrontation, conversation, female, guest, happy marriage, listen, listening, male, marriage, men, open, protector, Relationships, skills, speaking, talking, women

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Comments

  1. Tayler Knudsen says

    February 22, 2017 at 6:27 am

    I absolutely love this! Especially point #2 was a huge eye-opener for me! I focus my blog on dating, and I am convinced that communication is at the core of understanding people, so these thoughts are so valuable!! Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂

    • Chelsea says

      February 23, 2017 at 2:55 am

      Hi Taylor! So glad you liked the post. I agree, good communication is essential!

  2. Ayanna says

    March 8, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    Great tips! I recently started doing #3 and it works wonders. I tell my hubby up front what I need or the type of feedback I’m looking for, and I usually get just that. And when he doesn’t have an answer, he’ll tell me he has to get back to me. Accepting that we communicate differently is so important. And I’ll definitely have to work on that assignment with my hubby.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??

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Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, Anyone see our other kids lately?? 😜 You know, it's so funny how some parts of the newborn phase have been like muscle memory and others have been like we've had our first born all over again. 

We were worried about how David and Evy would feel with this new family member but they have been so sweet that it brings tears to my eyes to put it into words. I was especially worried about Ev being supplanted as the youngest but, honestly, being the big sister suits her SO well and I think she's been loving it, too. 

I've also loved getting to experience this again with Josh. The way you band together during the newborn phase especially is very bonding. You rely on each other deeply and it's not always cute or pretty. 

Super grateful 💗
To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going To the best big brother and sister. Cleo is going to think she has the coolest, smartest, bravest big siblings in the world, and she's not wrong 😉
She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early She's here 🌷 Cleo Renée was born 2 weeks early on Saturday March 11 at 1:52 in the morning. 

Josh and I just had a feeling about that day (Friday), so we kept the kids out of school, went out to breakfast, and just spent our last day together as a family of four. 

My contractions started right after my 38 week appointment that morning and progressed throughout the day until around 4pm when I thought, "Mmk, I'm starting to really need to breathe through these. Better go in."

I was so convinced they were going to turn us away that it really didn't hit me that we were actually going to meet our girl that night until we'd been there for a few hours already. 

Baby girl ended up being 7lbs 15oz and 20in long!

We are all so in love. David and Evy are OBSESSED. A few times their friends have come to the door to ask them to play and they've said they'd rather stay home with the baby 😄

We are so blessed and thankful for this little girl ❤️
How to use a French hair pin. I love these things How to use a French hair pin. I love these things because they can hold up even my thick and chunky hair and I don't have a large clip sticking off the back of my head (don't get me wrong, I love a good hair clip, too)! Have you tried one yet??
This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m s This season of waiting has been weird. But I’m so grateful for it.

On the one hand, there’s so much to do to get ready for little one to join us—it’s been a while since we’ve had a newborn! I’m spending most of my free time writing and nesting, nesting and writing. 

And then on the other hand, I’m feeling pretty ready to have my body back. And by that, I mean just to be done literally sharing it with another being. You start to miss things after a while like being able to breathe when you lay on your back or not getting indigestion for eating a few grapes. 

Overall, there’s so much to be thankful for. Each little inconvenience is a blessing and I’m happy they’re there. I’ll also be happy when they’re over. For now, I’m just savoring being a mom of “older kids” (8 and going on 6) that can grab their own snacks from time to time and put on their own shoes. We’re going to be heading back to square one in a couple months and I’m sure there’s a lot we’ve forgotten!
Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊 The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊

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