Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Dating, Family, Marriage · April 23, 2016

How to fix your stressed out man

Anyone ever had to deal with a stressed out man in your life? Well if you have, you know it sucks. Because we know that men, as simple as they like to be, actually become really complicated when it comes to stress. And it can be so darn frustrating because that’s where we feel we can be a pro at helping and talking through it! But chances are if your man is stressed, he doesn’t like to talk about it much. So what’s a girl to do?

 

Anyone ever had to deal with a stressed out man in your life? Well if you have, you know it sucks. Because we know that men, as simple as they like to be, actually become really complicated when it comes to stress. And it can be so darn frustrating because that’s where we feel we can be a pro at helping and talking through it! But chances are if your man is stressed, he doesn’t like to talk about it much. So what’s a girl to do?

First of all, we need to realize that men don’t always stress out about the same things as women. Or if we are stressed about the same thing, we approach it differently than the man in our life would.

Secondly, take note of the signs of a stressed out man. Chances are he’s not going to come to you in tears wanting to talk about it.

Is your husband ( boyfriend, etc.)…

  • Quiet… too quiet
  • Starting to get “short” with you
  • Never wanting to talk about work (or the thing you think might be stressing him)
  • Getting set off by seemingly small things?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, your husband could be stressed!

Take a look at a few of these suggestions below and see if you can’t relieve some of the stress off your man.

Do more than you normally would

Gender roles aside, every household or relationship has generally accepted roles or responsibilities. In our house, I do laundry (kind of) and my husband mows the lawn. If you notice that your man is stressed out by something going on in his life, whether it’s a big decision to make, family problems, something at work, etc., try to take on a little bit more responsibility than you normally would. This doesn’t have to be a long term thing, in fact, it (in most cases probably) shouldn’t be. Stress shouldn’t be something that cripples your man long term, but if a little extra act of love helps to ease his burden, by all means, why not?! If I’m stressed at work, coming home to an immaculate home makes me feel so much better! It doesn’t fix the problem, but at least it doesn’t give me more problems!

Apply this:

Think of a chore or responsibility that your husband usually does and do it for him one week, let him know that you know he’s stressed and you just want to help!

Talk to him about how you care more about your relationship with him than you do about the things he can provide you.

Here’s a quote from one of the two books I’m so glad Josh and I read before we got married, For Men Only (I read For Women Only. Actually, I read both. I had to make sure what they were telling him was true. It was.)

“While most men think that a woman wants financial security, what she wants even more is emotional security. That is, she wants to feel close to you, to know that she’s your non-work-time priority, to know you’re committed to her, and to have you involved at home. And although she does want financial security, wants you to be fulfilled in your work, and appreciates your efforts to provide, she’d willingly endure financial struggles if that’s what it took to have more of you (such as if you wanted a lower paying, more family-friendly job).”

When I first read this, I was kind of boggled by the fact that my husband could possibly think that I care about him having a good paying job more than I care about being close and having time with him! In fact though, many men operate under the belief that their wives will be unhappy with them if they can’t give them a certain standard of life. But many women, myself included, would be totally cool with giving up some unnecessarily things in life to get a better, healthier relationship with a not-stressed-out man!

Apply this:

Be flexible about your lifestyle, be willing to make changes. Tell your husband that you are proud of him, but you care more about his happiness and your relationship than the money he brings in; let him know you’d be willing to make changes if it would mean a happier husband!

If he does talk, listen, listen, listen!

As a wife, mom, employee, blogger, etc. who has gotten used to a slight, constant, caffein jitter, my mind can run 1000 mph in every direction. When my husband does start talking about what’s stressing him out, for whatever reason, it’s usually in the car. Unfortunately, that’s when my mind is especially hyper-active. I’ll usually listen to what he says, give a short reply, and then ask him the unrelated question that brewing in my mind while he was talking. And then he gets quiet again and I realized I lost a precious moment when my husband wanted to open up to me.

Apply this:

Be observant of your husband. Take notice if he’s acting any of the ways I mentioned in my intro. If he is, watch out for when he opens up to you. Many men will be ok with talking to you about what stresses them, in their own time. And when that happens, listen.

Another important thing to make sure you DON’T do is freak out about the fact that your man is  actually sharing his feelings with you. Play it cool, listen, empathize, and then maybe introduce some of the points previously mentioned.

Make your home a safe haven

This can mean many things to many families. Ever hear the quote, “Make him look forward to coming home”? I believe that is sooo important in many marriages! In 8 of The Worst Marriage Habits I talk about how important it is to be happy to see your guy when he comes home (or when you come home)!

Besides just being happy to greet your husband, make your home a generally happy place. Choose joy even when you’re exhausted, it will set an example to your husband to be positive and choose joy when he feels overwhelmed too. This isn’t to say you always need to have a smile on your face and never talk about your problems. By all means, be real and honest. But choosing joy and creating an open, loving home life will always be an option at your fingertips.

Apply this:

Always be open and honest, but also choose joy. Make your home a happy place to come home to and let your man know you’re happy to see him.

Ask questions, but do it in the right way

If you’re lucky, you might be with a guy who has NO PROBLEM opening up and telling you exactly what his worries and stressors are. If so, good for you. (Not sarcastic. With my awkwards sense of humor I usually have to specify. Sorry everyone).

But if your significant other is anything like mine, he’ll totally not want to talk about what’s bothering him. He’ll keep it inside. And then for some weird reason, not being able to find any matching socks becomes a really big deal and he’ll get totally put out over it (Or mayyybe something else is bothering him….)

Over time, I’ve learned that if I want to know what’s bothering my hubs, I can’t just ask. I need to pry. I’ve actually become really good at it. Here, I’ll teach you how to pry:

  • Don’t ask: Why are you stressed?
  • Instead, ask: So I know the year is coming to an end soon, does that mean work has been crazy for you?
^^aka, get sneaky with your questions^^
  • Don’t ask: Why are you mad right now??
  • Instead, ask: Is there anything I can do to help you right now or today?
  • Don’t ask: Why does this bother you?
  • Instead, say: I want to understand why this bothers you.

Encourage him to do something he finds fun

My husband is a man of many hats. One day I think he’s Johnny Cash, the next day I think he’s the nerdiest guy on earth. Just like mama needs her “me-time,” so does Josh. If I can tell he’s stressing out, I tell him to go play his guitar, or be a gaming nerd with his friends for the night. Just do something fun that reminds him of the simple pleasures in life and helps him to take a break from the stress.

Apply this:

Encourage your man to do something fun that maybe he hasn’t done in a while! Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be without you! I’ll bet you $10 bucks (ha, not really. That’s like two starbucks) that your guy would love to go out and do one of his favorite hobbies with you! Get him having fun and laughing and let him forget about his stress, even just for a little while.

Ok ladies, I’m really confident that if you follow some (or all of these tips), that you will be doing everything in your power to lighten the burden of stress he carries and remind him that you love him, and it’s going to be ok. That’s not to say that what he’s worrying about isn’t real. Men are usually pretty good at only worrying about the big stuff. But knowing that he’s not alone and that all the pressure doesn’t rest solely on him to fix it will be sure to bridge that gap of distance that stress can force into a relationship.

Let me know what helps your man get over a stressful day or more long-term problem? How do you show him that your home is a safe place to come home to? Leave your own ideas in the comments below and share with a girl in need of some pointers!

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In: Dating, Family, Marriage · Tagged: choose joy, encourage, family, happy, home, husband, joy, man, overwhelmed, questions, significant other, stress, Work

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Comments

  1. Diana Billy says

    April 24, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    You have a great talent to educate people. And I really enjoy your topic. Nice work

  2. Connie Brandys says

    April 26, 2016 at 1:10 am

    My guy goes fishing. Takes a vacation from work. Since he gets 4 weeks, this is not terrible to endure. And, he looks forward to coming home again.

  3. Melanie says

    May 1, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    Good ideas. My man gets stressed out a lot. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. Laina Turner says

    May 2, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Such good advice. We tend to overlook the little things.

  5. Healing Mama says

    May 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    I really love your tips. I agree with everything that you said. I think it’s so important to have these types of skills in a relationship because it can really improve the quality of the relationship. I love these tips

  6. Christine @ The Mostly Simple Life says

    May 2, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    Great tips! It helps so much to have fun together when one of us is stressed.

  7. Jenny says

    May 3, 2016 at 3:01 am

    My fiance seems to be stressed a lot so these tips are very helpful.

    xoxo, Jenny

  8. Angela says

    May 9, 2016 at 5:24 pm

    Thanks for sharing. My husband is a salesman for John Deere. Right now is their busy season and he is stressed beyond belief. I will try these tips on him!

    • Chelsea says

      May 10, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Good! It can be so hard to see your husband stressed and it can leave us feeling powerless and unsure how to help. Let us know how it goes! Thanks Angela!

  9. Vinita Gaur says

    May 18, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Thank you for the tips…I really need these…nowadays my hubby is too stressed because of his business..I’ll definitely try…thanks..

  10. Erin Kirk says

    October 5, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    I am new to your site and really enjoying your articles. I want to love my man the way he needs and the way God intends, and your insights are perfect! Thank you so much 🙂

  11. Zahirah says

    April 4, 2017 at 11:48 am

    I try to let him know how special he is by preparing his favorite food, leaving love notes in his pocket in the morning before he goes to work, or on the bathroom mirror for him to see when he wakes up in the morning. Take him to his favorite restaurant, go see a movie he’d really be into, even if it’s not on my ‘must-see’ list. Make a list of things I appreciate and value about him. I’ve noticed that during times of stress, men need to feel appreciated and respected more than usual.

  12. LANA says

    May 1, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you for your tips. I’ve learned a lot.
    We’re in a long distance relationship. He had an important interview yesterday and he kept silent after that. I sent him a message to ask if he’s doing ok, I hope his interview went well and let him know that I’m always willing to listen to him but hint that anytime he feels comfortable. That’s all I can do now. When he opens up to me, I’ll make sure he feel appreciated and that he has my full support.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
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  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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