Hey friends. Have you ever been to a wedding where on one of the tables somewhere at the reception there was a box, pile of blank paper, and a couple fancy-looking pens? You wonder what it’s for and look up to see a small sign asking you to write your best marriage advice for the newlywed couple. If you were the couple getting married, I’d like to know if you’ve ever gone back to read what people wrote. If your wedding was anything like mine and Josh’s, the thoughtful notes got packed up with the tulle during the cleanup hustle and bustle and you never got the chance to really read and think about the newlywed advice that was given to you. If that’s the case, then you’re in luck. I asked my dear friends and ladies in the Sweet Wives Facebook Community for their best marriage advice for newlywed couples. Read what they had to say below.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Also, people are more important than things. Family is more important than the material things you have together.
I would say to remember that life after your wedding day is not going to be much different than it was before (apart from living together maybe). I say this not as a negative but more as a positive. Just don’t forget to build your relationship upon the attributes you want it to reflect after the “big day”. If you’re used to making decisions just for yourself without much consideration for the other because you’re just dating, those habits may find a way into your marriage as well. Build your house upon the rocks, not the sand.
Focus your eyes on God/Jesus and not your Spouse. Your Spouse will surely disappoint you where as God never disappoints. If both choose to do this then you will grower closer to not only God, but to each other as well.
Thus each begins to look internally concerning themselves with being the the best spouse for the other, instead of looking externally at the other and being overcome with despair and disappointment.
Forgive your spouse quickly. Oh…and go on lots of dates.
When you are angry, walk into a different room, give yourself 5 minutes and go back and talk it out. That, and ask “why” a lot. Like, “Why do you feel that way?, why is it important to you?, etc. you should always seek to learn more about your spouse.
Let it go.
Extremely tough to pick one since I teach on this regularly. But Ultimately it would be to love Jesus MORE than you love your spouse for that will always help you to love your spouse the way God intended.
Other big focus points would be 1) never look to your spouse for what is designed to be provided by God. 2) your spouse is not ever the enemy (no matter how angry you may feel). 3) if you always have to be right, it means your spouse has to always be wrong 4) forgive – period!!!
Grace lots and lots of it, and to talk about “expectations” like the unrealistic ones haha.
Let it go and ask yourself if it’s really worth getting angry over! If you can’t honestly say that you’ll be angry over this 48 hours from now, is it worth it?
Remember that when you wake up in the morning, there is only one pair of pants in the closet. If the husband wants to lead his family the way the Lord intended, he needs to put on those pants, and not leave them for his wife.
Laugh a lot. Forgive even more.
Set weekly goals to improve the relationship (communication, love language, etc). Don’t stop trying to improve things.
Maybe not as profound as everyone else… but enjoy each other in the “just you two” days!
Kids are wonderful and precious and (a different kind of) fun, but so were the kid-free years early on. Make some memories in those days when it’s just you two, because it doesn’t last forever, and it really is a sweet time. At least in my experience. Obviously, some come into marriage with kids already or choose not to have kiddos.
To read For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn.
Do not get so wrapped up in your husband or your marriage that you lose sight of who you are and your really good friends. You and your marriage will need to support and love of those around you.
Become an active listener and work on developing your communication skills to suit your relationship.
Don’t expect things that are unrealistic from your spouse and communicate every step of the way in the ups and downs. Put the other first even when it’s not being done to you, lead by example.
Communication is key. Don’t fight over finances. You either have the money, or you don’t.
Your marriage is going to change and feel different over time – especially when having kids. And to remember that those changes are normal and to embrace them.
Patients is key! And remember true love is also a choice we make not a fuzzy feeling we get, so even if times are hard you will always have love!
To relax and trust God and the plans he has for us.
Lower your expectations, very low…. the disappointment is painful. Say something pleasant and loving to him each day. You do your part, eventually things settle in comfortably
Think long haul. While each problem may seem so big, when you look back over the years it isn’t that big a deal but those little good moments string together and become a huge thing. No one remembers who forgot to pick up milk but you do remember those first moments in the delivery room when your husband held his son or daughter for the first time or those fun nights when you lost power in your first apartment and ate takeout by candlelight.
He can’t read your mind despite how well he knows you.
Pray more for your husband. Develop diligence in the Lord BEFORE getting married. Devotions together are amazing but you need a strong personal prayer life to receive the grace you need to be the wife he needs.
Been married a little while? What’s your best marriage advice? Leave yours in the comments below!
I really love these pieces of advice.
Thanks everyone for sharing.
I notice that married couples are hardly patient with themselves quite unlike others. Why?
When my husband and I married our priest said that people are not loved because they make themselves perfect. He said, “People are loved when they render themselves vulnerable.” I never forgot those words and I believe they are true. Also, when you marry, your spouse is not normal. It takes a while to establish your own norms. I believe that when we marry and combine different family traditions, we create healthier ways just as we do when we combine a variety of genes.