Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜
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Family, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Toddler · October 20, 2020

5 Healthy Boundaries to Set with Your Kids

There are a lot of different parenting styles out there. If there was a scale, you would probably catch Josh and I right smack in the middle when it comes to strict versus passive parenting. That being said, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, and even more as our kids get older, it’s that kid’s thrive when they have boundaries. Boundaries not only helped to establish expectations, but they build trust between kids and their parents. 

Here are a few boundaries I think are especially important to set with kids, starting from when they’re young.

Your bed

This is a new one for me and Josh! I’ll admit, we have not been the best in this area. Up until recently, the kids have been allowed to “sneak” into our bed each night, somewhere around 1:00 a.m. (I’m guessing, as I’m usually half conscious when they do). The reason Josh and I haven’t kicked them out sooner is that, to be honest, Josh and I cherish these moments and we know the kids won’t want to do this forever. That, and because they weren’t starting the night in our bed, it wasn’t exactly hurting our intimacy if you know what I mean.

That being said, we get horrible sleep. And getting horrible sleep makes us less productive in the morning. Ok, maybe throughout the whole day. So, we’ve decided to build a boundary around our bed. On Tuesday nights, the kids are allowed to sleep in our bed (and they don’t even have to sneak in). But, the rest of the week, the kids are expected to sleep in their own beds. Or at least in David’s bunk beds. 

Mom & Dad alone time

Going further than just having our bed to ourselves a night, Josh and I are pretty clear with the kids that we need alone time together at night. The way we make this make sense to the kids is by saying that Daddy and I are best friends, and if we want to stay best friends we need to have a loan time together 🤣

Honestly, I’m pretty sure they get it and for the most part they’re able to accept it.

Wording

What I mean by this is that the way the kids talk to us as Mom and Dad is going to be different than the way they talk to their friends. Well we don’t try to be strict simply for the sake of being strict, we do expect them to speak to us in a respectful way. For example, we’re teaching Evy to respond to us with “Yes” or “No, thank you” rather than a “Mm Hmm” or “Mm mmm.” 

This also has to do with how they respond to hearing “No” from us. Do they keep trying to ask for what we just said no to? Do they start whining and stomping their feet? Both of these in it are unacceptable. While we started giving warnings for this type of thing, the kids have by now I heard it from us enough to know what we expect.

One of the downfalls I often witness in parents with their kids is too many warnings and much less follow-through. This is something I’ve definitely been guilty of in the past that I’m trying to work on. What parents need to understand, and what I’ve had to learn myself, is if warnings come without any follow-through, kids will learn that they can push through the warnings and either continue with their poor behavior without any consequences, or even continue with their poor behavior to get what they want.

What’s worse, and what we’ve learned in our adoption training, is that kids respond best when they believe their primary caretakers are competent. And, at the end of the day, kids see consistency and dependability as competency. If kids know they can wear down their primary and caretakers by simply not listening or abiding by warnings, they won’t believe them to be competent or dependable. This doesn’t mean the kids will always take “No” for an answer and be happy about it. But it does mean that they will learn to trust what you say and respect that you mean it.

Self-responsibility

David and Evy are now 6 and 3. And while our expectations of them have changed with their age and level of maturity, we’ve almost always allowed them to feel some level of responsibility. Most recently, we expect them to help here and there with our dog, Rainy, putting laundry away, sometimes helping to put away dishes, and by cleaning up their toys. 

Sure, this practically helps out Josh and I a lot, especially seeing as David is actually surprisingly good at tidying up. But beyond that, it helps the kids understand that what they do affects more than just themselves. If they don’t help clean up their own mess, it means someone else has to, which isn’t particularly fair. Now, of course, as their mom and dad we do spend a lot of our time picking up their messes which is appropriate for moms and dads. But we believe that giving them gradual, age appropriate, responsibility will help them to be empathetic and responsible young adults in the near future. It’s all about helping to develop the kids / young adults / adults we hope for them to be in the future. 

Personal items

Kids are born with the mindset “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.” 

Sometimes as parents, I think moms especially, we feel guilt for not sharing some of the things we enjoy with our kids. The thing is, our kids simply don’t need to be privileged to have all of the same things we do.

For example, Josh and I will have the occasional “cheat night” where we share some ice cream. On a couple occasions, we’ve accidentally left evidence of our cheat night on the kitchen counter after the kids wake up the next morning. They then say something along the lines, “Heyyyyy why didn’t we get ice cream???” To which we reply, “It was Mommy and Daddy’s turn to have a treat.” And that’s about all the explanation they need.

The truth is, the kids eat way more sweets than we do. And we don’t always need to share our sweets with them. Just like we don’t make them share their sweets with us. But this goes further than simply sharing food; it might be special household items, self-care items, maybe even screen time. 

Whatever it is, I think it’s important for our kids to understand that they are not entitled to everything we, as adults, get to do or have. But, we do try to play fair as much as we can. 

What boundaries would you add to the list? Have you established any that have been especially helpful to you and your kids? Share them in the comments below!

In: Family, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Toddler · Tagged: healthy boundaries with kids

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Comments

  1. cabinet-mosobleirc.ru says

    October 30, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    Be on the lookout if your child replaces offline activities he used to enjoy with more screen time, if sleep begins to suffer due to late night tech usage, and if in-person interactions (like having family dinners) get usurped by devices. As with most parenting topics, constant, open communication is key to helping your family reap the benefits of technology without experiencing too many of the negative effects.

  2. Emily says

    December 16, 2020 at 7:08 pm

    this was so informative—full of grace while keeping your ground as their care-taker/parent!

    I love how it can be simple like “it was mom and dads turn for a cheat night” and that’s all they need. It doesn’t always have to be a full on explanation for why you as their parent choose to do something.
    it’s important to convey things as your child grows older and needs a little more depth, but sometimes it’s simply a short answer & that’s that.

    I loved this. Thank you

  3. Cathy says

    June 12, 2021 at 7:06 pm

    Such great parenting advice. My kids have been green and have their own children now. So I’ve been an empty nester for quite dine time. This advice is timeless.

    • Cathy says

      June 12, 2021 at 7:09 pm

      Sorry about the typos. Green = Grown, and Dine = Some. Oops! 🙂

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?

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Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜
Josh and I have been doing a lot of reading on par Josh and I have been doing a lot of reading on parenting recently and I love so many of the lessons we've been learning on creating structure while also being empathetic to your child's needs. 

One of the concepts that's stuck with me is how we should "sandwich" our criticism or corrections with positive things. Kids can get discouraged pretty easily but we can help make sure they feel reassured and loved by complimenting them and noticing & verbalizing their growth as well. 

So for example, saying, "I'm very proud of you for putting away your toys. I want you to work on not bossing around your sister - I'll be the parent in charge. Ok? But the way you put your clothes in your drawers was great!"

Idk about you but I would love if other adults sandwiched their criticism too 😂

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