You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first time last night and I was so impressed!! I decided to freshen them up during Sunday nap and record the process for you.

Literally all you have to do is wrap your very slightly damp hair around a sock and then fold it up over the curls over night. The sock kept slipping out from my hair so I used a claw clip to hold it in place and it wasn't uncomfortable to sleep in. Then I like to brush them out a little and add some texture spray and you're good to go!

 Tag me and let me know if you try it!!
Every. Single. Time. Every. Single. Time.
You ever feel like you're dying for a change and t You ever feel like you're dying for a change and then even everything's changing you're like HOLD ON I DIDN'T MEAN EVERYTHING AT ONCE. Yeah, me neither 🤪🫠
POV: You have 3 boys, 7 and under and it's bathtim POV: You have 3 boys, 7 and under and it's bathtime 🧼
Summer slow down 🌻 Summer slow down 🌻
Taking care of home, one hungry mouth and thirsty Taking care of home, one hungry mouth and thirsty plant at a time 🙃 🪴🪴
This weekend the boys are staying with their baby This weekend the boys are staying with their baby sister’s foster family. It’s a nice visit for them to be with her (she is oh so cute and sweet) and it’s essentially a respite weekend for us. 

Man, it’s like I forgot how simple things once were. And I never realized it in the moment, either. Two well-connected children since birth are a heck of a lot different than four kids—two well-connected and two traumatized.

We had a movie night with David and Ev last night (something the boys wouldn't normally sit for) and went for a hike up on Paris Mountain this morning and then got our fav BBQ for a weird lunch/dinner at like 3:30 🤪 Good BBQ doesn't wait for the right time of day 😂

It's a definitely a change of pace from the rigid schedule we keep when the boys are with us and I'll admit it's been nice to slow down at least for the weekend. 

We pick them up tomorrow afternoon and I can't wait to hear how their weekend was with sissy + her foster fam!
Everyone needs a creative outlet. This is one of m Everyone needs a creative outlet. This is one of mine. What's yours? 🌸🌺🌻🌼
I've held onto this photo and rewritten the captio I've held onto this photo and rewritten the caption a hundred times trying to think of a concise way to describe the last couple months. 

The reality is, it's messy and hard. The best and easiest days are the days where we stick like glue to our routine. The boys do so well with structure. Even rules that they hated at first, they now love bc they've come to expect them and knowing what to expect gives them a sense of control and safety. 

I have to say, I'm so thankful for the training we got before starting this journey bc we use it daily. And then there's times when Josh and I just need to take turns locking ourselves away in a quiet room for a little while just to take a breather. 

We're also learning the level of attention that David and Evy still need from us. We've started letting them stay up an hour later than that boys each night just so they can get some individual time with us and decompress a little. 

I have to admit, it was hard on Josh and I at first. The constant (and I mean constant) opposition, defiance, screaming, hurting, etc. was just exhausting and stressful. But I can honestly say that we've gotten a grip on things and I feel like we're a really strong team. Even in the hard moments, we are way less stressed and we just redirect the kids or give consequences without getting overly emotionally involved in what the harmful behavior was. I know that's vague but you'll have to trust me I guess ha. 

Continue to pray for Josh and I, David and Evy, and of course the boys. Our needs are all pretty different but we need prayer all the same 💗
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Marriage, Relationships · February 25, 2016

4 Signs You’re Doing Too Much for Your Husband

 

Here are a few ways we are telling our husbands that we really don’t trust them:

4 Signs You’re Doing Too Much for Your Husband

Do you ever find the words, “It’s ok, I’ll do it…” leaving your mouth before you can even think twice about it and then you end up thinking “Whyyyyy did I say yes to that?!?!?!”

I’ve been told before that I have pretty natural mom skills. It makes sense, I have a wonderful mom! But… in some of those mom skills hides the curse of feeling the need to take care of everyone, even if they don’t really need it. I find myself jumping in and thinking as though I’m needed when, in reality, I’m not. With these mom skill comes the tendency to question my husband’s judgement. And yeah, sometimes I may totally know how to do something better than him. Like manage our finances, or cook dinner. And sometimes I have to hide my cringing face when I see him put that weird spice in with the chicken and I have to hold myself back from jumping in and taking over because I like how I do it. I know that sometimes it is better for me to eat chicken that tastes kind of funny and have let him cook the meal- when he said he would- than to have jumped in and have it the way I like it.

All that to say, here are a few ways we are telling our husbands that we really don’t trust them:

You don’t let him do anything

I remember one time asking my husband to send out a package at the post office. I remember after a couple minutes of giving him directions and answering questions, I eventually just said “Nevermind, I’ll do it.” To be honest, he was relieved that he didn’t have to make the extra stop. But I realized then that, just because I did this certain thing more than him, doesn’t mean it’s impossible for him to learn. It doesn’t mean he can’t do it. And I’m creating way more work for myself because I don’t trust my husband to handle it. I’m sure some of you may have much better examples than me, but I’m sure we’ve all done this at one time or another, making life harder on ourselves because we feel that, “If you want it done right, you should do it yourself.”

Always questioning

While subtle, this can be a major way to undermine your husband’s leaderships skills and ability to make decisions on his own. I have seen way too many marriage dynamics where the wife is the head of the family and makes all the decisions and the husband is made to be just another child who happens to earn an income. No one wants a marriage like that. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to ever question your husband. In fact, questioning is actually a really good skill to have, being that it enables critical thinking and the ability to discern bad situations from good ones. BUT. When we constantly question our husband’s judgment and ideas, we subtly say that we don’t think they are good or smart enough.

Arguing

This one takes it a step further than simply questioning your husband’s ideas or judgments. When we argue with our husband, we are saying “I really really don’t believe you know what you’re doing, and I believe I know better than you.” You know, sometimes that might be the case. Sometimes you may know how to do something better than your husband. And it’s okay to bring up an “argument” as to why you should do something differently. But it really shouldn’t turn into a heated argument. Sometimes a huge sign that you trust your husband is letting them make certain decisions and going along with them even if it’s not what you would decide. Please know that I am in no way advocating blindly following your husband into what you know will lead to a bad situation. We have brains and we can use them. But showing that you trust your husband will go a long way to build up his morale and confidence and will actually empower him to be more of a leader.

Bring up past mistakes (or at least think of them often)

Although people don’t usually change, they can grow. I’m not the same person I was when my husband and I first married, and neither is he. Not only have I changed somewhat as a person, I’ve also learned- like- a lot. And so has he! So if, maybe, he screwed something up in the past, give him the chance to try again. Give him the chance to learn again. When we always take on all the responsibility, we’re stealing away the opportunity for our husbands to learn and to lead.

Let’s be honest, what are some ways we do too much for our husbands (not in the sense that we clean up after them too much) but ways in which we become helicopter wives and watch and supervise their every move? Ever done this? What made you stop?

If you know a mom or wife who needs to read this, click the share buttons below!

Love you guys!

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In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: chores, expectations, grow, husband, job, let go, love, marriage, perfectionist, Relationships, responsibilities, responsibility, training wheels, trust

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Comments

  1. Raymond says

    February 27, 2016 at 12:16 am

    I actually wrote something similar a while back about a few points you made http://therelationshipblogger.com/what-to-do-when-you-have-a-bigger-dick-than-your-man (excuse the name, it was worded like that for a friend which I regret now!)

  2. Kim S says

    February 27, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    omg, i am so guilty of not letting him do things because i feel like my way is best. This causes big fights between us….always when we have a newborn baby. I totally need to learn to NOT be such an overbearing mom. I agree that that only way he’ll learn is to be hands on.

  3. Heather @ Simply Save says

    February 27, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    Great post…I’m sure a lot of people do this without even realizing and can relate!

  4. Lindsay says

    February 27, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    I am so with you here! I think a lot of women have trouble letting go of the reigns, but it ultimately puts them in a more stressful situation. My sister always did everything around the house and with the kids because she liked to have control and didn’t think her husband would do anything right. I made her leave the house with me for several hours over lunch and naptime, and guess what? He figured it out! We need to be more trusting of our husbands : )

  5. Marci Smith says

    February 27, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    I’m definitely guilty of all of these things. I’m working really hard to build my husband up and allow him to lead the home like he needs to!

  6. H.Evans says

    February 28, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    This is true.Another thing is you ask him to do xyz like the dishes and then you go redo them.Stop.Don’t do it.If he vaccums wrong at least it is done.If he scrubs the tub wrong at least he did it.If you must redo it do it when he is away

  7. Jenny says

    February 29, 2016 at 4:33 am

    Love this post! I definitely agree wholeheartedly. My fiance doesn’t offer to do house work very often but when he does I usually say “no I got it” when I should just welcome the help.

    xoxo, Jenny

  8. Melissa says

    February 29, 2016 at 2:15 pm

    Oh man. I have to remind myself of this. It seems like it’s a mix between letting them do it and patiently supporting/reminding them. I went from being in charge of everything while my hubby was finishing his clinicals to giving up the reigns completely. Which also didn’t work out completely. Being a true “helpmeet” is such a hard balance. Thanks for the reminders!

  9. Heather with WELLFITandFED says

    February 29, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    Mine is going in behind him and touching up the job he already did. Talk about demeaning. he has done it to me a few times in the recent past and t is infuriating. Ha ha. I have made a point not to do it anymore!

  10. Casey Capra says

    July 8, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    Wow, these are great thoughts… I’m a new wife and always looking for tips like these!!!

  11. Tired of being told how to be a "better wife" says

    July 19, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    I’m sorry but why do we need to cater to stroke their egos. I’m so sick of seeing all these posts about “how to be a better wife”. Where are all the posts about “how to be a better husband”. This is creating a culture that it is our job to make our husbands feel important and secure and not let their egos get low. I respect my husband and he respects me, not because we “stroke each other’s egos” but we know where our strengths lie and aren’t offended when we need to ask each other the best way to do things that they are good at doing.

    • Amy says

      July 29, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      I get where you are coming from; I was there two years ago. I ended up leaving because he wasn’t mentally stable enough for a family. (Nothing against those with metal disabilities, but I need to be able to feel like my kids will be alive when I come home.) I read these to help myself with my second marriage, to remember to not do everything! Really, this is the best one I’ve read, because it doesn’t tell you a hundred things to do, just one: let your husband help! We take on enough as is without taking our spouse’s duties too.

    • Kristin says

      August 26, 2016 at 7:32 pm

      There are a ton of posts out there, if you go searching for them. If you’re finding them all on Pinterest, it’s because Pinterest is mainly women re-posting things for women.

      Men make the same exact complaints about all the posts for men being better men, gentlemen, etc, and are crying, “Where are all the posts like these for women!” And I tell them, “trust me, they’re there.”

      You can go find the ones for men if you look (take a two second search on Google for “ways to be a gentleman” or “be a better husband” or “things every wife needs”). They just don’t get thrown around on Pinterest because Pinterest is so female-dominated.

      I see absolutely nothing wrong with stroking your man’s ego or building him up. That’s what marriage is for, and yes, we expect it both ways, but we can’t control their part–only ours. Sheesh.

    • JennW says

      September 1, 2016 at 3:07 am

      This post is great and if your respectful marriage was so wonderful nothing would have led you to read this post or wonder why there aren’t any for men. Every wife is a king maker, or should be. You call it stroking his ego, I call it love and respect. And btw, most women have no problem stroking anyone’s ego except their husbands, which is a big problem. Everyone should read this post and live by it.

      • Jean says

        December 8, 2017 at 3:26 pm

        Dont exalt yOur husband honey!!

    • Linda says

      September 10, 2016 at 9:39 pm

      Well said. Same can be said of cheating or degrading constantly.

    • Stacie says

      March 12, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      I think you’re missing the point of a marriage. It IS your job to reinforce your faith in your spouses ability to make decisions. Call it “stroking their ego”, but life gives us enough blasts to our confidence; if your spouse or significant other can’t help make you feel as if you can live like an adult, then what’s the point of being in a committed relationship? My dad and stepmom have been married for over 30 years and are more in love today than they were yesterday and do you know what they attribute that to? The thought they have each morning when they wake up…”What can I do to ‘out serve my spouse today?” This isn’t to be mistaken with the notion they believe they should cater to every whim and demand of each other; it simply means how can they make the other ones life that much better throughout the day. They work very hard to reassure one another that they are important, valued, intelligent, strong, attractive, wanted AND needed (although not TOO needed, because then it becomes an entirely different thing.)
      So, yes; do your job of making your spouse feel incredible, because, at the end of the day, don’t you want to feel the same? Yes, I completely agree with the idea that it shouldn’t solely rely on them; it’s up to YOU to make yourself feel good too. However, you’re sharing your life, love, fears and insecurities with them. Let them boost your ego once in awhile and return the favor from time to time, as well.

      • Sarah Taylor says

        March 13, 2017 at 11:05 am

        Yes!. I couldn’t have said it better.

  12. Kathy says

    July 29, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Guys need to be needed, if you do everything and especially if.you take control away from them,or are critical of what they have done they will stop trying to please you and probably start to withdraw from you. Its not about stroking egos. If you love him and he loves I,its good to try to keep in mind that its a relationship and as such needs to be a work in progress. Each person giving 100 percent not expecting the other to do anything but love you. Out of true love, all other things will come about. Been married to the same man for 30 years.

    • Jean says

      December 8, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      December 8, 2017

      We have got to stoP being mean and bitchy to GirLs and women. Please stop this. The husband and the wIfe botH, need encouraging and uplifting. Both need ego stroking. See, We have just been so busy brainwashed Women and giRls to exalt men and it has DESTROYED the femaLe’s seLf esteem, so much so that we ignore our needs and begin worshipping our dads and our husbands! This is wrong!! .
      Lets teach the husbands to sroke their Wives eGos too. Lets remind husbands of the body ailments that thier wives go thoeugh all the time. We are to stroke Both egos.
      Its a new day peopLe. Women are not Going to be taken for granted and DISRESPECTED anymore.women are the real backbone of the family and other grouPs. Hiw do tiu think a lot of situations dont turn DISASTROUS? WOmen!

  13. Hugo says

    July 30, 2016 at 11:12 am

    There is something that is called “over responsible” and it is something that is not good for any relationship, whether it be the wife or husband that acts in this manner. Check out “over responsibilty” on google.

  14. Italianbelly says

    August 21, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    I’m guilty of a few of these points and I completely agree with everything you’ve said. It’s just hard to let go of the control freak in me sometimes.

  15. Sheri says

    September 20, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I’m sooooo guilty of this! Luckily, my husband realizes it’s not just him. I try to “fix” everyone and everything. Always “That’s okay, I can do it!”
    Or going behind him and “improving” a little bit.
    Sometimes it’s hard to leave things as is, when
    my OCD nature kicks in.
    I need to read this on a daily basis. Maybe I can retrain myself (and hubby) to work together more. He can’t learn if I won’t let him help.

  16. scratchkittiex says

    September 21, 2016 at 12:16 am

    I have to disagree with the first statement. Not every relationship is the same and not all of us consistently have two people bringing in income. There are some people out there, like me for example, who does not justify spending more money than what I could bring in on day-care. I stay at home with my kids, home-school my oldest, take care of errands and household duties, as well as going to school full-time. I feel proud knowing I am able to take care of errands and tasks that my husband does not do during his free time. Its not because he is selfish, lazy or just wants to task everything off to me. My husband is a Kitchen Manager and he works a lot more than just 40 hours per week at the restaurant, and the time he is not at work, he is consistently working on his music, producing/mixing/mastering his music, filming for videos, putting art together for his album/social media/website, and a laundry list of things just to be a musician. Of course, I help him during this process, but its because I support him and his music. He does the same for me with everything I believe in, so I feel this compromise is only fair, especially if it leads to him getting a record deal!

  17. Becky Henshaw says

    January 13, 2018 at 6:14 am

    My husband ANd I have been married for 20 years I cheated on him in the first year 17 years later he left me for my best friend came back to me and then left me again a year-and-a-half later he wanted to come back now I have huge trust issues. How do I trust again?

  18. ginger says

    April 11, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    WOw, i wish this was not me that i need to clean up, replace things my spouse breaks, go to his rescue by stopping everything i’m doing and bring to his work something he left at home, overnight his computer that he forget to bring to a out of state business meeting, have key fob replaced (over $300) when he forgets where he left his keys….. I recently found out he had attention defict disorder as a child and still has it as an adult. i don’t want to act like his mother, but he refuses to get help for his condition. i’m wondering if i am giving him too much grace or enabling his bad behavior. help!

    • Lex says

      July 24, 2019 at 6:15 pm

      You are enabling his behavior. By continuing to help him live his life without experiencing the ramifications of his actions and instead, shouldering them yourself, you are enabling him to continue to ignore his disability. You’re not his mom, you’re his wife. you’re not responsible for picking up after him, just for loving him through the journey of diagnosis and treatment. xx

  19. Jessica says

    May 14, 2018 at 10:07 am

    I read this article feeling like im in the Boat of Role reversal here where my Husband doesnt give me the benefit of a doubt or secon chances. Im Not tryng to make my a vicTim! But what advice do you have For someone who Feels they are in the opposite postion here?

  20. Megan | Ginger Mom and Company says

    April 14, 2019 at 5:36 am

    I was definiteLY one of the ones who needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing it.

  21. Prahna says

    September 2, 2020 at 10:03 am

    Hi well first of all i just let my mind go and googled my feelings (thoughts) At the moment and researched article in google all located this article “answering my question” badly enough im too much o a woman being born female an coming from a single mom with three girls all us A year apart and being single since the last one was born with county help and trying to grow well i get pregnant from a Mexican boy really young 20 then turning 30 with already 2 boys and still
    L with this Mexican under county help since i just got
    LAid off an always solving our status never letting my family down I just feel not goood for him ot him not good for me im smart cant so more for me first left school to care for Sisters who had opportunity to study i was to much of a rebel my mom said after struggling on elementary with a non english mother and luck for my sister they did have me to help them was alone other that all this i end up pregnant from my kids dad and got together With him 28 at that time 2012 now me 30 him 36 still with visa me more full And intellectual what could i do

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You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first time last night and I was so impressed!! I decided to freshen them up during Sunday nap and record the process for you.

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You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first You asked! I tried these sock curls for the first time last night and I was so impressed!! I decided to freshen them up during Sunday nap and record the process for you.

Literally all you have to do is wrap your very slightly damp hair around a sock and then fold it up over the curls over night. The sock kept slipping out from my hair so I used a claw clip to hold it in place and it wasn't uncomfortable to sleep in. Then I like to brush them out a little and add some texture spray and you're good to go!

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Every. Single. Time. Every. Single. Time.
You ever feel like you're dying for a change and t You ever feel like you're dying for a change and then even everything's changing you're like HOLD ON I DIDN'T MEAN EVERYTHING AT ONCE. Yeah, me neither 🤪🫠
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This weekend the boys are staying with their baby This weekend the boys are staying with their baby sister’s foster family. It’s a nice visit for them to be with her (she is oh so cute and sweet) and it’s essentially a respite weekend for us. 

Man, it’s like I forgot how simple things once were. And I never realized it in the moment, either. Two well-connected children since birth are a heck of a lot different than four kids—two well-connected and two traumatized.

We had a movie night with David and Ev last night (something the boys wouldn't normally sit for) and went for a hike up on Paris Mountain this morning and then got our fav BBQ for a weird lunch/dinner at like 3:30 🤪 Good BBQ doesn't wait for the right time of day 😂

It's a definitely a change of pace from the rigid schedule we keep when the boys are with us and I'll admit it's been nice to slow down at least for the weekend. 

We pick them up tomorrow afternoon and I can't wait to hear how their weekend was with sissy + her foster fam!
Everyone needs a creative outlet. This is one of m Everyone needs a creative outlet. This is one of mine. What's yours? 🌸🌺🌻🌼
I've held onto this photo and rewritten the captio I've held onto this photo and rewritten the caption a hundred times trying to think of a concise way to describe the last couple months. 

The reality is, it's messy and hard. The best and easiest days are the days where we stick like glue to our routine. The boys do so well with structure. Even rules that they hated at first, they now love bc they've come to expect them and knowing what to expect gives them a sense of control and safety. 

I have to say, I'm so thankful for the training we got before starting this journey bc we use it daily. And then there's times when Josh and I just need to take turns locking ourselves away in a quiet room for a little while just to take a breather. 

We're also learning the level of attention that David and Evy still need from us. We've started letting them stay up an hour later than that boys each night just so they can get some individual time with us and decompress a little. 

I have to admit, it was hard on Josh and I at first. The constant (and I mean constant) opposition, defiance, screaming, hurting, etc. was just exhausting and stressful. But I can honestly say that we've gotten a grip on things and I feel like we're a really strong team. Even in the hard moments, we are way less stressed and we just redirect the kids or give consequences without getting overly emotionally involved in what the harmful behavior was. I know that's vague but you'll have to trust me I guess ha. 

Continue to pray for Josh and I, David and Evy, and of course the boys. Our needs are all pretty different but we need prayer all the same 💗
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