At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about setting goals. Honestly, setting goals is easy. You can set any goal you want to. You can write it in a journal, keep it to yourself, or even tell your friends.

But how often do we actually set a plan with smaller, short team goals to build upon while reaching our end-of-year goal? At the end of the year, we typically think back on whether or not we met the goal we set at the beginning, and the result just is what it is.

Instead, I want to help you learn how to make a plan to *realistically* reach the goals you set at the beginning of the year.

✍️ Quantify your goals (ie. I want to write X blog posts this year, I want to make $X this year, I want to make 3 new friends this year, I want to be able to lift X lbs this year).

✍️ Now that you've quantified your goals for the year, break that number down by the month (if you want to make $12,000 for your small business by the end of the year, you'll need to make $1000 each month. You can also break this down further into smaller, weekly goals).

✍️ Now, outline the steps you'll take on a weekly basis to reach your monthly goal.

✍️ Also note some hindrances you think you might face and how you plan to navigate them.

✍️ Revisit your goals on a weekly and monthly basis and consistently track if you're meeting your goals, exceeding them, or if you need to change your strategy in order to hit your mark.

✍️ Keep a journal of your wins and woes - it's important to recognize what's working well and mistakes that you can learn from!

These are all things I've learned in my work as a content marketing manager at a growing startup where measuring growth is *extremely* important. 

It may seem intimidating, but I've found that being organized in this way actually helps to clear my head and provide clarity on what I should prioritize and how I can realistically reach lofty goals.

Love you guys and hope this helps!
3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar
Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Th Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Then swipe ↩️ to get a look at the handsomest kid I know!
I've never been a huge fan of new years resolution I've never been a huge fan of new years resolutions. My thinking has typically been, "If you want to change for the better, just start." But I will say, this year I want to do better at always seeing the bright side and the opportunity - of taking responsibility. I have a tendency to play the victim when things don't go my way or if my goals are more difficult than I expected. This year, I want to joyfully and patiently work towards my goals as well as enjoy the moments of rest in between. I also want to give more of myself and my resources: to my family, to our church family, and to those in need. 

What's a goal of yours for 2021?

"She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.  She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.  She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

Proverbs 31:15‭-‬21 ESV
So we're past the longest night of winter, that me So we're past the longest night of winter, that means it's almost spring right??
I will never be a cold weather person 🥶
Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas ever Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas everyone!!
It started when we were younger and you were mine It started when we were younger and you were mine
MY BABY 
😭
And it's now stuck in your head you're welcome 🤗
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Marriage, Relationships · October 9, 2018

How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Marriage

If I’m being very honest, there’s been more than once in our marriage when I’ve felt very alone. Times when I stood unaccompanied in my kitchen staring at the cabinets thinking, “Ok, God. It’s just you and me now.”

During these times, I knew that I had given my word to stay married to my husband until the end of my life, and I had all but resolved that from here on out, I would just have to live with the choice I made. I figured I could either be depressed, constantly wishing things were different and allow my disappointment to control my feelings, or, I could place my hope in Christ alone and live in the joy that only He can provide.

I decided to do the ladder. I decided to go on about my life, living peaceably with my husband, not starting the same fight again and again. At first, although we weren’t fighting anymore, I would often feel resentment for the lack of change I wanted to see. See, during those times, I was angry that Josh wasn’t the husband I had imagined I’d be with one day. Instead, I found out the hard way that he was a real human being just like myself. A flawed, and sometimes selfish human being.

During that time, instead of finding what I so desperately wanted from my husband, I learned what it truly meant to be content in Christ. Eventually, my anger with my husband subsided. Eventually, I began to pray for him. And eventually, God humbled me.

One of the things God taught me was that I had expectations for Josh that he never actually had for himself; and when my expectations weren’t met, it showed in my anger and bitterness towards my him. Something I didn’t realize was that I never even communicated these expectations with Josh until I was already angry that he wasn’t fulfilling them.

For example, I never communicated with Josh that I simply expected him to have an extremely strong work ethic. That’s what I had seen in my dad growing up and I simply expected any husband to be like that. And while Josh has always worked hard at his job (he’s received several promotions and employee of the month awards) he always had the mindset that home was for rest and family. My fault was in never appreciating the fact that Josh wanted to spend time with his family instead of rushing onto the next project. Something my father-with-a-strong-work-ethic could have been better at if we’re being honest.

As I more and more surrendered my marriage to Christ, God taught me to hold my expectations with an open hand. Josh wasn’t a horrible person just because he didn’t meet my expectations. Not even that, but when I looked deeper, I realized that my expectations for him were often ones I didn’t even have for myself! When I worked full-time hours, I also liked to come home and relax for a while.

God has taught me to start appreciating the differences between Josh and I. I took it upon myself to learn more about his love language and his personality type. It helped me to understand more about why he did the things that he did. Guess what Josh’s love language is? Quality time! So you can also guess how he felt when he came home from his job and I tried to put him to work? He also felt alone and like I didn’t want to spend any time with him!

There could be a hundred different reasons why you might one day wake up and feel completely alone in your marriage. It could be that your husband broke your trust or constantly fails to live up to your expectations. I want to ask you to evaluate your expectations. Are they the same expectations that God would have for your husband? Look deeper into the psychology of why your husband makes the choices he does. Make an effort to take a short walk in his shoes, give him the benefit of the doubt, and ask God to open your eyes and allow you to understand your husband.

Of course, it could very well be that your husband is dropping the ball. In that case, start with prayer. Pray for change in your husband’s life but also ask God to give you an accurate view of yourself and remember the times when you drop the ball. Do your best to communicate your expectations without any ultimatums attached. Let him know that you love him no matter what, but you know he can do better.

Also read: If I’m a Christian, Do I Need to Put up With My Husband’s Crap?

Then, be content. Encourage him and say thank you when he makes an effort to change. But, keep in mind that he is not perfect and he will make mistakes. Don’t nag him when he does! We all need room to fail and as frustrating as it might be, showing him grace (rather than nagging) when he fails after communicating your expectations will only make him appreciate your support that much more.

In the end, if our joy is founded in Christ, we put much less pressure on our husbands to be Mr. Right. Showing grace will ultimately be so much easier because you will remember the grace that Christ first showed you.

 

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: alone, conflict, conflict resolution, divorce, expectation, feel, husband, love language, marriage, prayer, Relationships, wife

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Comments

  1. judy (cape town - south africa) says

    October 9, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    chelsea, i love how you are open and direct in addressing these topics that i personally (and other wives – I’m sure) EXPERIENCE. i sometimes don’t know where to take my questions to/who to share it with in fear of being judged. i also love how you are able to ALIGN the faith and practicality (taking into consideration our human nature) in addressing them.

    Thank you for what you are doing and please continue to do so – it makes a big difference to someone who needs it.

    Reply
  2. Ntombenhle says

    October 10, 2018 at 6:20 am

    Thanks my problem with my husband is money he earn no more than myself but I don’t know what he doing with his money he buy groceries only with R3000 and he earn R18.000 a month he doesn’t have a car we have 2 room house. am stressed and he do want to talk about the money.

    Reply
  3. SUe says

    October 13, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    I’ve been married for 30 years and my husband and I have 5 children. i totally get the feeling alone aspect of marriage. My husband haS a very strong work ethic, but it was never about the next project or job. It was/is always about providing for his family. And just as much about making it possible for me to be a stay-aT-home mom. We wanted that for our children instead of two Parents working outside of the home. When I aSked him about it yesterday, he implied that it was not about choice, but about what was needed to provide and keep me home. He is absolutely devoted to his family. And i know there were many times he wanted to be around more. It wAs a sacrifice on his parT. With kids in college and weddings to pay for now, the demand seems to be unending. I find lonelIness comes And goes,but this is our life and we wouldn’t change the joys it brings.

    Reply
  4. Ayanna says

    October 19, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    Thank you for being so open and honest about something so many of us face in marriage. I used to have unstated and unrealistic expectations of my husband as well that also lead to many problems for us. With releasing those expectations and learning to put God both at the center of my life and our marriage, changed everything.

    Reply
  5. laycistercians says

    April 22, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! Marriage can only be as deep and grounded in God as you desire it to be by how much you seek and pursue god together as a couple.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Your Marriage says:
    November 13, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    […] article was written by Chelsea Damon and originally appeared on Living the Sweet Wife. Check out more from Chelsea on her blog or […]

    Reply
  2. How to Overcome Feeling Alone in Your Marriage | All About The Kitchen And Home says:
    November 29, 2018 at 9:37 am

    […] article was written by Chelsea Damon and originally appeared on Living the Sweet Wife. Check out more from Chelsea on her blog or […]

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about setting goals. Honestly, setting goals is easy. You can set any goal you want to. You can write it in a journal, keep it to yourself, or even tell your friends.

But how often do we actually set a plan with smaller, short team goals to build upon while reaching our end-of-year goal? At the end of the year, we typically think back on whether or not we met the goal we set at the beginning, and the result just is what it is.

Instead, I want to help you learn how to make a plan to *realistically* reach the goals you set at the beginning of the year.

✍️ Quantify your goals (ie. I want to write X blog posts this year, I want to make $X this year, I want to make 3 new friends this year, I want to be able to lift X lbs this year).

✍️ Now that you've quantified your goals for the year, break that number down by the month (if you want to make $12,000 for your small business by the end of the year, you'll need to make $1000 each month. You can also break this down further into smaller, weekly goals).

✍️ Now, outline the steps you'll take on a weekly basis to reach your monthly goal.

✍️ Also note some hindrances you think you might face and how you plan to navigate them.

✍️ Revisit your goals on a weekly and monthly basis and consistently track if you're meeting your goals, exceeding them, or if you need to change your strategy in order to hit your mark.

✍️ Keep a journal of your wins and woes - it's important to recognize what's working well and mistakes that you can learn from!

These are all things I've learned in my work as a content marketing manager at a growing startup where measuring growth is *extremely* important. 

It may seem intimidating, but I've found that being organized in this way actually helps to clear my head and provide clarity on what I should prioritize and how I can realistically reach lofty goals.

Love you guys and hope this helps!
3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar

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At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about At the beginning of the year, everyone talks about setting goals. Honestly, setting goals is easy. You can set any goal you want to. You can write it in a journal, keep it to yourself, or even tell your friends.

But how often do we actually set a plan with smaller, short team goals to build upon while reaching our end-of-year goal? At the end of the year, we typically think back on whether or not we met the goal we set at the beginning, and the result just is what it is.

Instead, I want to help you learn how to make a plan to *realistically* reach the goals you set at the beginning of the year.

✍️ Quantify your goals (ie. I want to write X blog posts this year, I want to make $X this year, I want to make 3 new friends this year, I want to be able to lift X lbs this year).

✍️ Now that you've quantified your goals for the year, break that number down by the month (if you want to make $12,000 for your small business by the end of the year, you'll need to make $1000 each month. You can also break this down further into smaller, weekly goals).

✍️ Now, outline the steps you'll take on a weekly basis to reach your monthly goal.

✍️ Also note some hindrances you think you might face and how you plan to navigate them.

✍️ Revisit your goals on a weekly and monthly basis and consistently track if you're meeting your goals, exceeding them, or if you need to change your strategy in order to hit your mark.

✍️ Keep a journal of your wins and woes - it's important to recognize what's working well and mistakes that you can learn from!

These are all things I've learned in my work as a content marketing manager at a growing startup where measuring growth is *extremely* important. 

It may seem intimidating, but I've found that being organized in this way actually helps to clear my head and provide clarity on what I should prioritize and how I can realistically reach lofty goals.

Love you guys and hope this helps!
3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar
Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Th Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Then swipe ↩️ to get a look at the handsomest kid I know!
I've never been a huge fan of new years resolution I've never been a huge fan of new years resolutions. My thinking has typically been, "If you want to change for the better, just start." But I will say, this year I want to do better at always seeing the bright side and the opportunity - of taking responsibility. I have a tendency to play the victim when things don't go my way or if my goals are more difficult than I expected. This year, I want to joyfully and patiently work towards my goals as well as enjoy the moments of rest in between. I also want to give more of myself and my resources: to my family, to our church family, and to those in need. 

What's a goal of yours for 2021?

"She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.  She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.  She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

Proverbs 31:15‭-‬21 ESV
So we're past the longest night of winter, that me So we're past the longest night of winter, that means it's almost spring right??
I will never be a cold weather person 🥶
Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas ever Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas everyone!!
It started when we were younger and you were mine It started when we were younger and you were mine
MY BABY 
😭
And it's now stuck in your head you're welcome 🤗
How often do you let your kids in to what it's lik How often do you let your kids in to what it's like to manage life as an adult? To work, budget, to eat healthy not because you have to but because you want to, to give to others, to spend time in the word, to forgive even when we don't feel like it...

I think it's so important to model and help our kids see the every day choices that are not always easy but make a huge difference in the long run. Ie. eating out less = more $$ in the bank to buy meals for the homeless or to bring a child in who need a home. Josh and I don't always feel like cooking, but it's easier when we remember we're working towards greater things ❤️

In a world of instant gratification, what are we teaching our kids to work and wait for?

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