There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?
What’s something you wish you did more since hav What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

I remember a time when life was a blur of getting out of the house to go to work, managing the front desk at a small optometrist’s office, pumping in the bathroom at work, and getting home at 6 (some days, 7:30) for what little cuddles David had left in him before his bedtime at 8. And then you wake up and do it all over again. It was in those early days that I couldn’t remember who I was. And even if I had the time to “be myself” again, I’m not sure I would even choose to do the same things I had liked a few years earlier. I was changing and growing but rarely had the time to even think about how or why. 

Fast forward a few years, and I can say it *does* get easier. It is possible to give much of yourself to your family while still reserving some energy to nurture your own spiritual, physical, and mental health. Of course, when you have a baby that doesn’t want to be anywhere but in your arms, that gets a little more tricky, but that phase doesn’t last long, I’ve learned. 

It was during that crazy time when our first baby was still a baby that I said, “That’s enough! I have no idea who I even am anymore and I’m curious to find out.” So that’s when my blog was born. And from there, it took to Instagram and from there, writing books. 

It’s still a balancing act that I don’t get right much of the time, and most of the time it looks more like a pendulum, where I sway from being a great mom to a mediocre one but a great writer and vice versa. But all that to say, even in the baby era, you can take the time to rediscover who you are, what you love to do, and nurture those areas in your life. 

What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

—

Shout-out to the makers of this GORGEOUS dress that I could literally live in 💙 @daughtersofindia
It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're around that smile 🥰
A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a f A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a few placement calls but they've fallen through (that's how it goes!), we're kind of doing baby-led weaning with Cleo?, Josh and I have been setting up my new desk and I've learned more about keyboards than I ever needed to know 😅 So grateful for this family of mine.
The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without hi The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without him. He grounds us, speaks truth, and shows incredible love and kindness to each of us. I could not think of a better partner for life. 
@joshuadaviddamon
I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's on I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's only one night away, the last time I spent a night away from the kids was over two years ago and the last time I was away from Josh was maybe four?? 

I'm very lucky to feel like I can leave for a couple days without having to worry that the kids will have everything they need, shoutout to @joshuadaviddamon 🩷 

But I will miss them a tonnn. But hey - maybe a night without having to make bottles or little legs kicking me in their dreams will be nice?? Just for one night, tho 😉
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engaged, Marriage, Relationships · May 15, 2016

3 Things a New Wife Should Worry About

A few of the things a newlywed wife should worry about in marriage

You know, before I started writing this blog post I had another post entirely in mind. I started writing… got about two sentences down, and then couldn’t for the life of me think of what else to say. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. But finding a way to express the ideas in my mind all of a sudden became entirely impossible. So I took a break from writing and started doing a couple things around the house. As I was washing my hands an entirely NEW blog post title popped into my mind. Something I had never thought about writing before. I ran to my computer and started typing. And then this post was born! I have sort of a love-hate relationship with my spastic, impulsive, creative mind. I can feel uninspired for weeks. And then write 3 posts in a matter of days.

This post has newly married ladies in mind. I can remember the first couple months my husband and I were married. We had a lot going on back then and there was a lot of adjusting to do. Stay tuned for the follow-up post colon three things newly married women should not worry about.

Taking life too seriously

Hey, I get it. When you’re newly married, there’s a whole lot of change. You’re living somewhere new, you have new responsibilities, new expectations, you’re free, but not totally. It’s a whole new dynamic to get used to and, frankly, it can be a bit overwhelming at first. Especially when you start to see your new husband do things that you never thought would be a problem. Like how he never really notices that mess that drives you crazy. Or how he forgets to tell you things. There’s a ton of new things to get used to in newly married life and one of those things you’ll have to get used to is not having things done the way you expect them. Now given, there’s room for your husband to grow and mature too, and if he loves God and loves you, then he will! But it’s a process, for sure. Give yourself and your new husband a little extra grace for the first several months to a whole year. Be honest, confront in the moment (instead of 3 days later when you can’t hold it in any longer, but always treat the little things… like they’re little things.

Also read: 10 Things I Learned in My First Month of Marriage

To show you an example of what I mean by this, when Josh and I were first married, I thought that every action he did that annoyed me needed to be confronted. Otherwise I was letting him establish bad habits that would carry on throughout our marriage- and that terrified me. Because of this fear, I took everything he did to mean something about his character. If he left his clothes laying out, he was lazy. If he joked when I was trying to talk to him, he didn’t respect me. In our first few months of marriage, I took so many little things to mean BIG things, so many things way too seriously, and I ended up not being a very good friend to my husband. To be honest, I wasn’t very much fun to be around. I realized that my husband wanted a partner, lover, and friend in me and what I had been giving him was a mother and a housekeeper. After our first year, I realized that not every action of his meant something. I began to look for why he would do the things he did. Maybe he left his clothes on the floor because he’s tired and he’ll pick them up later. I guess I do that sometimes too. Like I said before, remember to treat the little things like they’re little things.

Learning to confront well

This is a biggie. One of the biggest things I talk about with new married couples is how wives don’t know how to confront their husbands well (or at least that’s what I’m thinking as I inwardly cringe at the overly dramatic story they retell to me). Now, I am a HUGE advocate of open confrontation in marriage. But many times we associate the word “confrontation” with the word “fight.” Which is fair, being that the definition is this: “a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties.”

But that doesn’t sound much like a marriage. Or at least one that I would want.

So I’ll say this: Confrontation is a GOOD thing! But not in the way we usually think of it. When confronting in marriage, I try to follow these guidelines:

1. First, before saying a word to your husband ask yourself these questions:

How big of a deal is this- really?

Are my emotions playing into my judgement?

Is this something I am guilty of also?

Is this a reasonable expectation for my husband?

Answer all of these questions to yourself before you bring up anything to your husband. Easier said than done, but WORTH IT. It will save you a lot of apologies later, I promise.

2. Confront quickly.

This is a hard skill to learn for some people *caugh* me *caugh*. Yeah, I was that person who would bring up something up 3 days later out of the blue because I had let it bother me for that long and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer! Don’t be that person.

I find this happens most often when a husband will say something hurtful to his wife (whether knowingly or obliviously) and then move on without apologizing. The wife will turn his words over in her head for days without telling him that they were hurtful!

Instead of letting your husband’s words linger in your mind for days, tell him right away that his words hurt and you expect more from him. You know the kind of man he wants to be and the words that he spoke to do not emulate that type of person. Giving a man a calling and letting him know that you think he is capable of reaching it and that you don’t expect anything less is a great way to get a man to see and accept that you want more from him (because you believe in him!) without seeming naggy when you ask him to change his actions.

Also read: 10 Ways to Handle Conflict and Confrontation for the Best Possible Outcome

3. Keep your cool.

When the time comes to confront your man, there’s probably more emotions running through your mind than you know what to do with. I mean, you’re confronting him for a reason, right? There’s probably something he’s doing that is either hurtful, unhelpful, or inappropriate (to varying degrees) that makes you feel the need to confront.

Depending on maturity level (you can judge where you’re at), the goal of your confrontation is hopefully to come to an understanding of a new way of doing things that accommodates and pleases both you and your husband (rather than simply trying to make him feel like a horrible person). That being the case, the fastest, most direct way to get to that point is to keep your emotions in check while confronting his actions.

“Playing house”

Your first few months of marriage are when a lot of boundaries and expectations are explored and established. At first, you may be excited to “play house” and you may not mind doing a few extra chores or favors for your new husband, but sooner or later, it will get old. I have known several new wives who are so excited to be new wives that they really don’t mind playing the role of housewife for the first few weeks. But after a little while, their expectations begin to settle in again and they realize that they’re probably took on a little bit of the role of mother rather than wife and partner.

Also read: 4 Signs You’re Not Letting Go of Your Husband’s Training Wheels

To keep yourself from making this mistake and establishing boundaries and expectations early on, talk with your husband about what you expect him to help out with- and be specific. Don’t say, “I’d like you to help out around the house” and then become annoyed when he doesn’t do the job you imagined him doing when you said that. Men need specifics. Instead say, “I’d like you to be in charge of taking out the trash most days, and I’ll be in charge of laundry most days.”

Given, there may be times when you’ll need to be understanding and step in and take over one of his jobs if there’s a time when he needs a little extra help (and grace), and hopefully he will be willing to do that for you as well. But in the meantime, having your specific expectations communicated will save you a lot of annoyance and nagging conversations later!

Also read: The Huge Problem in Every Marriage That No One Talks About!

Are you a new wife? What are some things that you have had to learn and change in your first few months of marriage? Been married for a while? What are things that you used to take seriously when you were first married that are no big deal now?

Leave your own stories in the comments below and remember to share with the newlyweds in your life!

Guys. I have another website called New Kid on The Blog that I made to help people like you create blogs just like this one! Blogging is my favorite and I think you could do it, too! Click the link to start your own blogging adventure!

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In: engaged, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: confrontation, expectations, fun, homemaker, husband, life, maid, marriage, married, naggy, newlywed, partner, wife

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Comments

  1. Rachel G says

    May 18, 2016 at 9:51 am

    It’s funny because my memories of the early days of marriage are really, really vague. It’s so good to remember not to let things that are truly just little things turn into big things. Someone told me years ago that their best marriage advice is to simply choose not to find your spouse’s habits annoying, and that’s been something that has shaped me a lot. With tiny things that all come down to personal preference (i.e. my husband prefers to sleep with his head at the foot of the bed)…I can simply choose not to be annoyed by his random habits and instead just be happy that he’s mine, weird habits and all. 🙂

  2. Hannah says

    May 18, 2016 at 11:04 am

    This is a super helpful post! Everyone, regardless of how long you’ve been married, can use these tips. I’ve been married almost two years now and I definitely could still use some of this!

  3. Chelsea says

    May 18, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    I guess what I’m sort of worried about is how things will change when I get married next year. We’ve already been living together for the past 3 years so that won’t change. I guess just being used to the idea that marriage is for life and if I get angry, I have to keep my cool and learn to forgive.

    • Chelsea says

      May 18, 2016 at 4:44 pm

      Yes, staying calm and cool is so important! It really makes every fight a lot shorter and way more “to the point”!

  4. Mayra Murillo says

    May 18, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    These are all good points to make but I feel like things do need to be expressed if they bother you. It is not about a confronting him or letting him establish a bad habit, but he could honestly not even know that he is doing it. I think for me it is all in the way that you express things. Don’t accuse or pick away but rather calmly bring it up.

    • Chelsea says

      May 18, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      That’s great Mayra! It’s easy to assume that your significant other should know why we’re upset but so many times he has no idea why. I’ve needed to be reminded several times that my husband is not a mind reader.

  5. Jenn says

    May 18, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    Totally agree. I love how you talked about asking yourself questions before you confront a situation. I need to do that more. When I got married, something I had to change was compromise. I have always been able to compromise but I had to adjust my expectations quite a lot, especially with newly living with someone. I got used to it all, over time. Nice post.

    • Chelsea says

      May 18, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      It really does take time and a whole lot of patience and understanding! I’ve even found that sometimes I have higher expectations for my husband than I have for myself! Hence the need to ask questions. Thanks for reading!

  6. Chrissy says

    May 18, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    I guess making compromises and learning to be patient and understanding are key to a good relationship when married and living together. Accepting one another and all ones little habits makes it a lot easier – it just sometimes takes time. But you grow as a couple and you learn to take things a little less serious as the years go by.

  7. Carmen says

    May 19, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    Hi Chelsea, nice to meet you! I found your blog through the blog &+ biz BFFs group. Even though I am not married yet, this list is still very useful. I enjoyed reading this post and am looking forward to reading your other posts!

  8. Debbie says

    June 3, 2016 at 12:06 am

    The article is good and the advice is good, but your spouse has to willing to listen and change. Your lucky if he is, if he isn’t then you are out of luck and the things you talk to him about you will just have to learn to live with. It will irritate you to no end because you think ” if he loves me he will change”, well don’t hold your breath. I’ve been married for 38 years and I learned after the first month of marriage that he didn’t care how I felt. He’s going to do things his way and that’s that! If I didn’t like it tough learn to live with it. So if you have a husband who loves you so much that he is willing to compromise, you are very lucky. But if you knew his faults before you married him, then don’t expect him to change after you are married. Sorry to sound like such a downer,but life is tough and doesn’t always turn out like we hoped it would.

    • Reland says

      June 22, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      That is so very true !

  9. Debbie says

    June 7, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    I have now been married 28 years and I can remember expecting things to be a certain way when we first got married- and when they weren’t I was a bit resentful…not good.

    Some of my learned observations:

    A. Do NOT make your spouse have the responsibility of making you happy…that is your job, not theirs. Just because they don’t fill your expectations in some things doesn’t mean they are out to make you miserable. Be happy on your own…:)

    B. Allow them to be human, because remember, you are too. What you don’t like about someone may well be
    their strength also …

    C. Just because it is something you don’t like doesn’t mean it is wrong, it could be just difference of personalities…so always think about it before you confront you spouse and weigh it in as whether it is just a personality difference – your way isn’t always the ‘must be done this way’ or else…:)

    D. Make a daily habit of concentrating on what you like about them, not what you don’t like. If something really is a problem, and it really is worthy of mentioning, do so with careful wording and expression…words cannot be retrieved when said in a rash moment.

    E. Try to do something nice for your spouse every day- a kind word, compliment, small gift, saying thank you for something they do or are, or doing something nice for them can be a great encouragement to them… It’s the really small things, not necessarily the big things that make a marriage happy.

  10. Jerry Stumpf says

    January 20, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    Excellent reminders and suggestions.

    Unmet expectation can be a huge roadblock on the road to healthy intimacy.

    Keep up the great work, as marriage today needs support!
    7 Pleasurable Ingredients to Create An Awesome Marriage http://wp.me/p50Bqq-hQ

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How to Feel Like You’re Not on Your Period

Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
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There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?
What’s something you wish you did more since hav What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

I remember a time when life was a blur of getting out of the house to go to work, managing the front desk at a small optometrist’s office, pumping in the bathroom at work, and getting home at 6 (some days, 7:30) for what little cuddles David had left in him before his bedtime at 8. And then you wake up and do it all over again. It was in those early days that I couldn’t remember who I was. And even if I had the time to “be myself” again, I’m not sure I would even choose to do the same things I had liked a few years earlier. I was changing and growing but rarely had the time to even think about how or why. 

Fast forward a few years, and I can say it *does* get easier. It is possible to give much of yourself to your family while still reserving some energy to nurture your own spiritual, physical, and mental health. Of course, when you have a baby that doesn’t want to be anywhere but in your arms, that gets a little more tricky, but that phase doesn’t last long, I’ve learned. 

It was during that crazy time when our first baby was still a baby that I said, “That’s enough! I have no idea who I even am anymore and I’m curious to find out.” So that’s when my blog was born. And from there, it took to Instagram and from there, writing books. 

It’s still a balancing act that I don’t get right much of the time, and most of the time it looks more like a pendulum, where I sway from being a great mom to a mediocre one but a great writer and vice versa. But all that to say, even in the baby era, you can take the time to rediscover who you are, what you love to do, and nurture those areas in your life. 

What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

—

Shout-out to the makers of this GORGEOUS dress that I could literally live in 💙 @daughtersofindia
It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're around that smile 🥰
A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a f A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a few placement calls but they've fallen through (that's how it goes!), we're kind of doing baby-led weaning with Cleo?, Josh and I have been setting up my new desk and I've learned more about keyboards than I ever needed to know 😅 So grateful for this family of mine.
The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without hi The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without him. He grounds us, speaks truth, and shows incredible love and kindness to each of us. I could not think of a better partner for life. 
@joshuadaviddamon
I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's on I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's only one night away, the last time I spent a night away from the kids was over two years ago and the last time I was away from Josh was maybe four?? 

I'm very lucky to feel like I can leave for a couple days without having to worry that the kids will have everything they need, shoutout to @joshuadaviddamon 🩷 

But I will miss them a tonnn. But hey - maybe a night without having to make bottles or little legs kicking me in their dreams will be nice?? Just for one night, tho 😉
It was just about a year ago that I sat in this ve It was just about a year ago that I sat in this very chair to take pregnancy announcement photos and here she is today, all smiles and two teeth. I can’t believe in the year year she grew in my tummy and now she’s here and we couldn’t imagine life without her.

Ps. I'm obsesseddd with her sweet sweater 🥰 @reesemyersco

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