How I came from a pornography addiction and co-dependence to writing a Christian marriage and relationship blog
So while equality for women is kind of a huge talking point right now, the thing I’m going to talk to you about in this post still veers towards taboo, for women that is.
I mean, everyone knows men struggle with lust and pornography. A lot of people would think that, more often than not, those things go hand in hand. But we women? Na, we’re better than that. Or maybe a better word for it is “purer” than that.
Except for when we’re really actually not. Then what? What’s a (Christian) girl supposed to do when she’s struggling with something that only boys and men struggle with?
Stay quiet about it. Or at the very least, skirt around it by saying, “I struggle with lust…” during those intimate sharing moments at women’s’ Bible study. And then stare at the ground hoping no one actually knows what you really mean by “lust” but at the same time really really hope you’re not the only one.
Growing up, pornography was not the only area I struggled in. In high school I had not one, not two, not three, but four boyfriends. Except if you knew me, you never would have thought I was the type of girl to date around. And I wasn’t, really. I think the shortest of all those relationships lasted 7 months (yeah, I didn’t like being single for long). I like to blame it on my INFP status (Meyers Briggs, anyone?) and being the type of person who always longs for deep intimacy and closeness with a person. And while I’m extremely blessed to say I was a virgin on my wedding night, there was a lot of fooling around that went down before that night, even with lucky boyfriend number five.
He wasn’t really lucky, though. He was actually really, really different.
Déja J says
This entire post is purely & genuinely beautiful. From the paragraph where you speak about your experiences in accordance to Luke 9:23 to the very ending Scripture in 1 Timothy; God couldn’t have used you any better the way you basically spoke my truth for me! You brought me to joyful tears. I had gone through almost the same thing with breaking up with my boyfriend because I just didn’t think that God wanted us to be together because we were not living right but both had it in our hearts to do it, eventually, & the closer I’ve gotten to God, I believe it was the timing in which was off. I believe that He wanted to change both of us individually first, but even after we decided to get back together, God is still working this thing out for us, bringing us closer to Him despite the decisions we’ve made. The way you speak about your beautiful relationship leading to your beautiful marriage & family.. it just gives me continuous encouragement & hope, believing that we are doing the right thing. Why? You said it so perfectly, because CHRIST is all that matters. That is where I have truly & continue to find my true freedom in my everyday life (still working on it lol) & in my relationship.
I thank God & you so very much for this.
I Pray God Continues to Bless You and Your Family & Loved Ones Always.
Love you my sister in Christ,
Déja, thank you so much for you kind words! I know that there are so many people out there with similar stories and that I just had to share mine to let others know they aren’t the only ones. Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” I’ll pray this for you and your boyfriend tonight!
Teresa Miller says
Wow! Raw and real. Thanks for your honesty and encouragement to others to fight this struggle as well. I know this is an area many women have problems, I used to as well. I am happy to see that you are able to speak about it unfiltered while offering advice in a very sweet and non-condescending way. Thanks!