10 ways to show your man you still think he’s awesome
It’s my belief that, at some point, every woman in their marriage (or if you’re dating, engaged, what have you) becomes a cat wife. Now, pretty much everyone loves kittens. Kittens are cute, they’re fun, they like you back. But eventually they all become cats and they kind of just do their own thing, they stop caring about cute stuff, stop playing, they get a mean side, and forget how to show love. *Cat lovers (and my aunt Carolyn)- please no hate mail.* But hey! There’s hope. Most of us really want to show our husbands that we love them but it’s not as easy as flowers and chocolate. (It’s not that easy for women, why would it be so easy for men?). Anyway, here are several things I do to tell my man that 1. I think he’s awesome, 2. I’m still in it to win it, and 3. I haven’t let go of myself just yet!
Lipstick.
Lipstick used to scare me. I’m pale and blonde and have gone through many phases in my makeup-wearing life but have always avoided lipstick. Until a couple of years ago when I realized that in pictures, it looks like I have no lips. This made me sad so I started wearing lipstick and I realized, “Hey! Lipstick isn’t scary!” Especially with so many natural colors out there. Even if I choose to skip the eye makeup on a Saturday morning, I’ll dab on a bit of lipstick in the driveway before I head out. Just that two seconds of prep makes me feel pretty and a little bit more put together which overall puts me in a better mood. And you won’t be the only one who notices!
Wait up, and go to bed together.
Because of the nature of Josh’s job, he’ll now and then have to work late. Like, I should have been in bed hours ago, late. And I always work mornings. Or wake up to a baby who is super excited to get his banana and start the day before the sun comes up. Either way, there is almost never a time when I don’t stay up and wait for Josh to get home. He works 12 hour shifts. How depressing would it be to come home to a dark house that wasn’t happy to see you? My husband, who isn’t exactly Shakespeare when it comes to expressing his feelings, has told me that it means a lot to him that I stay up with him and hang out for a little while before bed. I know it makes his work day that much better when he has someone who loves him waiting for him at home.
Brag about him (and let him hear you).
This is one of the single most bestest things you can do for the morale of your significant other. Any and every man has the innate desire to feel respected by others. Respect, to them, is pretty much the equivalent of love to us (women folk). Now, telling your man you’re proud of him is great too. Really great. But telling your friends you’re proud of him, now that’s awesome. Even better, let him hear you. It doesn’t do much good if he doesn’t actually know that you’re proud of him. You can even feel free to make him blush a little. He’ll secretly like it. Check out what Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says in his book Love and Respect. Honestly, my marriage would be very different without it.
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
This goes hand-in-hand with the whole respect thing. In fact, you’ll see Dr. Eggerichs talk about it in the book I just mentioned. Giving your husband the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean that you need to shut up and never say a peep about what bugs you, concerns you, or what great alternative ideas you have. It means showing him in little ways that you trust him and love him enough to be vulnerable to his ideas. Or to not assume that he is out to make your life harder (You know, those thoughts you jump to when he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor 3 feet away from the hamper…). Instead, just move the clothes, assume he didn’t see the hamper, and address it up in a nice, funny, respectful (etc.) way.
Make his favorite dinner once in a while.
My husband is from the great Pacific Northwest. He grew up where eating salmon was like eating chicken for dinner. And I grew up with fish sticks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but now I just don’t eat anything that lived in the water. Not even shrimp. But, I’m sympathetic to my sometimes homesick husband and now and then I’ll surprise him with a salmon dinner using his mom’s recipe. And I’ll kind of play with it and dump lots of teriyaki sauce on it. But hey, he LOVES it and he appreciates so much that I would make a meal, that I would never eat on my own, just for him!
Boys like toys, let him get something he wants.
I’m going to proceed with the assumption that we know how to be wise with our money and know when the spending needs to stop. With that understood, it’s ok to let our husbands feel a little spoiled now and then. I’m going to be vague about this, but I recently, finally, said yes to Josh getting something that he’s always wanted. It was one of those things where you know you can’t buy it unless your spouse is on board too. I held out for a long time because it just wasn’t a thing that we needed. But, after a couple months and being super proud of Josh for getting a great job, I told him that I was finally on board with getting this thing that he wanted. He now has his new ‘thing’ that he’s been waiting for and he knows how proud I am that he has been working so hard for our family. Win win.
Eat well and exercise.
I’m not saying you need to be an all-star athlete or be one of those scary body builder women. You know the ones. But “trying” for your significant other goes a lot further than just wearing makeup. Making the effort for a healthy lifestyle tells you, your husband, and others that you care about yourself and you want to be able to have fun and enjoy life for a long time. It tells them that you haven’t given up and you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself. And this isn’t a selfish notion. By choosing a healthy lifestyle you’re choosing to do what’s in your power to live a longer, active lifestyle with those you love. And who wouldn’t want that?
Don’t frump it up.
If your goal is to be comfy, there’s cute ways to do that. Comfy doesn’t have to be your go-to, oldest, baggiest sweatshirt. It can be a pair of leggings and a warm sweater, a maxi skirt and t-shirt. Even athletic wear can be just as comfortable and way cuter than a baggy pair of sweats. Little choices like this make a big difference.
Text him during the day.
Now, if you’re already texting him every hour, this tip isn’t for you. If you tend to be more like a cat and forget to show affection, especially when you’re preoccupied during the day, this is for you. A little bit of genuine love can go a long way when the work days are long and stressful. A simple, “I miss you,” or, “Planning a fun night tonight,” might be all it takes to lift his spirits and give him something to look forward to. Make it so he can’t wait to come home!
Pray for him, and let him know that you are!
When you think of it, why wouldn’t we do this for the one we hold most dear on this earth??? For real. Try to, when you’re saying goodbye in the morning, say a quick prayer for each other at the beginning of your days. And then, as you think of him throughout the day, say small specific prayers for specific needs you know he may have (not just physical needs). If you let him know that you do this, he will know that you’re not only thinking and caring about him during your day, but you are calling on God to show him grace and to give him wisdom. Who wouldn’t be thankful for that?
How do you show your husband (significant other) that he’s the bomb? Leave your thoughts in the comments below and if you totally loved this post, share with your friends!
UGH! I have turned into a CAT!! LOL Thank you Chelsea for this post! I hope more wives read it! I already do some of the things mentioned, am working on some of the others, and plan on starting to do the rest! My man definitely deserves more from me =) He works hard to take care of our family and deserves to know that I (and the kids) appreciate all his efforts!
Amen to that. I feel the exact same way. I am doing most of these things in the list but I am going to make an extra effort to cover those things I’m lacking. Great post!!!
these are some simple yet such effective ideas. i am really bad about being too comfortable in my sweats when im at home..but i clearly see his face lit up when i actually dress up.
I’m yet to get married, but these tips seem to be on point, so I’ll definitely save them for later! Thanks! 😀 Xo
I let him parent solo! I think a lot of ladies find it hard to let these take the reigns, but it’s made our relationship so much stronger.
Love that advice! Awesome way for dad to build confidence as a dad and for mom to lean trust!
Yes, Yes, Yes. Relationships take work and we need to remember all the little things we did to win each others hearts and continue them through the years
These are great! Thanks for sharing! I’m not married yet, but they definitely apply to me and my boyfriend! I seem to do a lot of these, but some can use more work thats for sure! Thanks for sharing!
Love this advise. My boyfriend is for another 3 months away for work and it’s been really hard for the both of us. My friends asked me how we make it work, especially since we’ve only started dating a week before he left (we’ve been going out for 3 months before that though). I always tell them trust. I have my moments when I think it’s not working out, he’s not texting or I feel forgotten. Those feelings are honestly only for a moment and my boyfriend finds it amazing that I do not come down on him about no having texted me for over 24 hours or for not being able to Skype that night. Trust in my eyes is always the key thing. When your spouse knows you trust them enough to let them leave for such a long time (6 months on our end), then I believe the relationship will grow strong.
This ones a bit like “wait up, and go to bed together”. I drop everything I’m doing and go greet him at the door when he comes home after work. I give him space until he’s put down his stuff and taken off his coat & shoes, and then we hug. I know it means a lot to him because he’s told me so, and also our evenings feel “off” if they don’t start this way.
I love your ideas! I use a few of these when work and life start taking over our lives. I’ve been married 21 years and my husband still gets excited when he reads a special text from me during the day. Also telling him something specific that you love about him will boost your husband’s confidence. Don’t just assume he knows, they love hearing it.
Being sweet, kind, considerate, respectful, thoughtful and loving to your husband is all well and good, but you do know that it’s not 1950 and marriage/relationships are a two way street, right?
Not every guy enjoys the taste of lipstick or anything, except a bare lip.
Why would he need you to brag about him and you doing it so he hears you? Is he not confident in himself.
“Respect, to them, is pretty much the equivalent of love to us (women folk)” Um no. Respect is respect and love is love and again, two way street.
Why are “letting” him get a new “toy”. Two mature adults should be able to sit down, take a look at their budget to see if the “toy” is affordable.
Eating healthy and exercising is for me and me alone. It’s an added bonus for the hubby, but that’s it. I could care less what anyone else thinks.
“If your goal is to be comfy, there’s cute ways to do that.” Not all busy women (single, married, moms, etc) have time to “prep” and “cute it up”.
Don’t you think it’s a bit much to constantly be texting your guy that “you miss him”. What if he’s at work or driving? Wouldn’t you get the same reaction or better when he came home to a special surprise?
I mean no disrespect, though it sounds like it. I have been married a very long time and I can tell you, most of that will wear off and as long as you have a strong, solid relationship, you won’t need the lipstick, prepping, bragging, etc. The passion, love, flirting, sexiness, kindness and everything in between will be there.
I guess we live under two different assumptions in marriage then, which would make most opinions thereafter quite different. Some people might imagine marriage as a two way street where each person does their part and is self sufficient and is confident in themselves and frankly doesn’t need the other person for much of anything except maybe financial stability, companionship, and help with kids or whatever. But most of the time life doesn’t roll that way. And when it doesn’t, what happens then? I don’t believe for a second that marriage is 50/50. When my husband drops the ball (which he will) I’ll be there to pick it up. And when I mess up (which I will) he’ll pick up the slack. In this post I wasn’t trying to say that we need to have dinner on the table by 5 and untie the Mr.’s shoes when he walks in the door. I’m simply giving ideas for what WE can do to make the man we love feel special and loved. Because, as I mentioned, we can forget to show that sometimes.
And yeah, my husband gets insecure from time to time. So do I. If you take time to read studies and surveys of men, you’ll find that a lot of them feel like imposters or phonies in the work place and/or at home, they just do what they can to try and hide it and not talk about it. And that’s not my own opinion, I’ve taken that from several sources. I strongly encourage you to look into the book I mentioned called “Love and Respect.”
As far as the comfiness thing goes, I was mostly trying to explain how to be cute without prep. Basically just choosing leggings over sweats. Trust me, on days I don’t work, my hair is up in a bun and the makeup is minimal, if I put it on at all.
As far as exercise goes, I’m honestly not sure you read past the heading of this paragraph, as I make it quite clear that exercise is for yourself to live a long, happy, healthy life with the ones you love and to show that you care about yourself.
Same goes for texting as I said, “if you’re already texting him every hour, this tip isn’t for you.”
To be quite honest, this post is for women who want to learn and improve their marriages and make their husbands feel loved and if it’s you’re opinion that you or your husband don’t need any of this advice, then that is fine and I wish you a happy loving marriage. But I do know that many men and women have come to benefit from these words being as not every relationship functions the same. I welcome questions, challenges, insights, and comments, but I would appreciate open mindedness and a willingness to learn as well. Otherwise there’s not much of a point in reading these kinds of things anyway.
Tom & I have been married 39 years! I loved what you suggested and have done many of them. It saddens me when I hear of friends who’s marriage isn’t as good as ours, and often wonder if they need some tips. So some of these would be helpful! My mother, before I walked down the isle, told me that sometimes my husband will want sex (she didn’t use that word) and I wont, but sometimes I should do it anyway….and she said she found that those were some of the best times. I will tell you, I have learned that she was very wise. Another thing that my husband is still talking about is the time he came home from work, (after being empty-nesters) that I sprayed my cologne in the garage, and up the stairs to our room…you can figure out the rest. Be fun, do something different once in a while. Enjoy life. He’s my best friend, I love doing things and going places with him.
Very helpful article and a very good reply Chelsea
hi there. i read this. it is good to the point of pricking your conscience good. i know i need to do this and bums me out that i can’t all the time. not your fault by any means…just my imperfect flesh. but we can all make improvements…
the person who commented above is not married. if they are…it will not be for a long time.
Great reply to this lady.
I agree with all the suggestions in your post. I have read the Love & Respect book and it literally changed my marriage.
I have one suggestion – Sex.
If I want to make my man feel loved I wear no p.j.’s that night and he gets the hint.
A man needs lovemaking like we need communication. I believe so anyway.
I love a long conversation about the future, some reminiscing – etc. But I also need some quick talks about essentials.
I think of our love life the same way. I think my point is getting across here! 🙂
I just discovered you on pinterest, and I personally LOVED your advice. I grew up in a very “liberal” way, but was thankfully saved by God through an unplanned pregnancy right after college, listening to Dr Laura as I took care of my newborn as a single mom, and then reconciling and marrying the stranger with whom I got pregnant. I stayed at home and homeschooled, and our baby will be 18 in May. She is finishing her sophomore year at college. My whole experience began with an understanding that what I’d learned about ” independence” within the context of marriage was deeply flawed. Also, the book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, came along at just the right moment about five years in. I have kept those lessons with me. There is nothing better than using our amazing power as women to support our husbands and propel them onward and upward!! Thanks for this article. So good and so cool at the same time 🙂
Yeahhhh, you go, girl! Get that “hater”, 50/50, two-way streeter! Nice reply. Very professional and to the point. And might I add, I totally agree with your ideas! Minus the lipstick I guess, since he and I both dread it! 😉
I agree with you Chelsea!
Every marriage is diferente, since every person is unique.
I apreciate your tips. I think I will use all since confidence is my biggest problem. Been cute for my husband is another thing i have failed. Even though he says he loves my inside person he apreciates beauty.
I am like a cat and forget to show afection. But always though that guys did not need to hear it. Though they noticed. And that Was enough.
Obviusly i Was wrong.
Thanks again!
Galia
I TOTALLY disagree with KAT!!! i am 24 and married and this is not 1950 for sure.this is 2016 and all of this still applies.i agree with everypoint you wrote about treating your husband with love. Because as you said many men feel like imposters at home. And a little lipstick does make them feel special and happy cuz they know we got pretty for them. And there is no problem with that. And about the toys. Many men has different interests. My hubby loves fishing. And sometimes he would ask to buy stuff that i think are not so important but i get them for his happiness.just like he would never say no to what i want.or need.ever. this article is amazing and it has highlighted almost everything that happens in reality. Marriage is not 50/50. Its about being one. And facing everything together.to help eachother. And sometimes to let go of your own opinion and trust your partner. And i absolutely love the part about waiting up for him and praying for him.my hubby and i exchange a quick kiss and a hug when leaving for work and coming back home. And putting a smile for him when he comes home after hard work is rewarding for both. So yea. This is all true. And we should always remind ourself to show more effection from our side .and we will get it right back from them.
My husband and I have been together for 22 years (and married for 10). We’re technically not in the “honeymoon” stage anymore, but nonetheless NONE of this has “worn off”, but clearly it has for Kat and her husband, and for that I am truly sorry.
Judging from your comments above, nobody ever taught you about respect, in relationships or otherwise. If they had you would know that IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY IT AT ALL and that even though you “mean no disrespect”, the words you wrote are blatantly disrespectful.
My husband and I have been married 22 years and we’re just in our early 40’s. My man possesses old fashioned values and he appreciates these kinds of things, such as in this article. He loves it when I put on dark lipstick, if nothing else 😉 and then he likes to mess it up. In my opinion, it’s about getting to know the person you’re with and expressing your love and feelings in a way they understand. This is a little difficult, in most cases, you have to listen and be observant and if you are living in your own little world, the other person might feel neglected. After all, isn’t attention the reason we even noticed the other person? My man’s love language is touch, mine is encouragement and it’s not in my nature to invade another’s personal privacy and oneness but I reach over and massage or rub his arm or back, chest or head and he just melts. It’s just as difficult for him to say encouraging things to me since he is a command man and tends to lead more often without looking back to see if you’re keeping up, in a sense, but he says encouraging things to me knowing that is what I need to know that I am needed and loved. BTW, sweat pants are ugly on everyone and should only be used for exercise, as they were intended, or while your significant other is not around and maybe the 1-2 worst period days of the month, that way you have room for bloat and you won’t stain your cute stuff.
4 books every man and woman should read:
“Five Love Languages” “How To Be His Help Meet” “How To Be Her Help Meet” and the one mentioned in this article. And if you happen to be in denial, “Battlefield Of The Mind”
Kat, you took the words right out of my mouth.
AMEN.
I do not agree with your rebuttal to this article. I have found success in many of the things this writer talks about. I’m sure it doesn’t feel comfortable for everyone to apply these things but I don’t think that you need to combat the things that she says. It’s going to help a lot of women look at things differently. And no not everyone has been feels confident in himself. My has been a particular shackles with his confidence in here and he bragged about him dozen wonders. We’re all on our own journey in our own way and iwhen someone shares their positive two cents it can be helpful.
I am 62 years young and have been in love and married to my husband for 34 years. Don’t be discouraged Chelsea by different opinions from women, everyone’s marriages are different. I fix myself up every day, even on casual days, I love makeup and lipstick, wear cute or elegant clothes, keep my hair blonde not grey, make a special meal for my husband at least once a week (salmon is his fave too, as he grew up in the northwest also), and at least once a day I tell my guy that I love him (whether by text, old fashioned card, or in person. ) We hold hands in public, and my marriage is stronger, more loving, and so much more now than when we started. Men do need encouragement; they do need to know we are proud of them; that they are very important to us; and, when we let them know, they respond likewise. You just keep encouraging young women. We do not live in the 1950s, that is true, but we certainly need some of those standards brought back into the lives of our marriages and our families. May your day and your words of encouragement continue to bless young women of today’s generation and may your live and joy for your husband and family just grow stronger with each beautiful day you are gifted with.
This made my day, Terrie. Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. There’s so much to learn from those who have been married longer than ourselves and are still happy and loving! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
All my best,
Chelsea
Agree 100% Terrie. Chelsea, your post was a great reminder of the things we can choose to do to make our husbands happy, even after 20 years of marriage. Not it is not 50/50. I give 100% to my husband and find that when I do, I benefit from that. My marriage is about loving my spouse and making sure he is happy. In return, he does the same for me because he is a happy man. My children see the relationship we have and the greatest compliment my 16-year old gave recently was “I’m not getting married if I can’t find a man as good as my daddy.” My heart overflows.
I enjoyed reading these tips. I so needed to read this.
I need to work on a lot actually. Thanks for tips!!
I really enjoy this. They are really simple and I’m sure he will notice and appreciate it. Thank you.
What a great list of ways to show our hubbies we love them & are thinking of them! I usually attempt to look cute no matter if I’m home all day – sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. 😉 I love that you mention bragging on them, too!
I’d love for you to share this post – and others – with us at the 100 Happy Days linkup. It’s every Thursday-Sunday. Here’s a link if you’re interested: http://lifeofscoop.com/100-happy-days-week-14/
Have a wonderful weekend!
It was great to be reminded of these little things we can do. Making my loved one feel good about himself and making him feel loved in turn makes me feel good as well. Thanks for the tips.
Thank you for that refresher on what so easily becomes that comfortable zone in relationships! We all need to hear this because I have seen way too many times people getting bored in their marriage and it ending badly…we need to date our spouse and treat him the way we want to be treated but more importantly the way God expects to treat him, with love, respect and encouragement!
My husband and I just celebrated our six year wedding anniversary this past December. Now we have a beautiful little girl who just turned five this past October. I have now realized I’m the cat!!!! Wow i mean I would tell my husband thank you from time to time but after reading this I don’t do nearly enough. My husband is about as romantic as a female praying mantis. But I do have to thank the marines because they did make my husband a man a real man not that any man isn’t a man but they help my husband give himself purpose that I don’t think he would have found without the marine corps. So I thought all this time that saying thank you was enough that I was showing my husband I loved him but I remember in the first year when I would make him lunch I would put a cute little note saying sweet things and I guess just one day I stopped and never continued doing that but thank you for these tips because now I have a few great ideas to help show my husband that I’m grateful for all he does and had done and that I love him just as much if not more than the day we said “I Do”.
Thank you, Kat.
I LOVE this 🙂 This is so great, and to the point. Great advice for showing love!
Just discovered your blog/website and I am in love! My parents have shared this kind of wisdom with me my whole life, but hearing it from you really makes it click. Thank you for putting out great content! Please keep it up 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this post. I’m getting married in a few months and found these tips helpful for now and more so for the future! I definitely do not want to become a mean cat!
Great tips! I try to do most of these but have a hard time with letting him get “toys” which for my husband are just fancy board games from Europe, but being a frugalista I sometimes forget he needs that entertainment too. Thanks for the list.
You have hot this cat right on the head. As one becomes older, and in my case partially disabled, one can become complacent. Thank you for this shake up call.
This is a really well-written article. I love the one about bragging about him – I often find myself teasing my fiance in front of our friends. I do it out of fun and love but sometimes I realize that maybe deep down it makes him feel bad, and instead I should be building him up.
The only point I disagree with here is the lipstick one. I know that couples often become too comfortable around each other, and that attempting to keep the magic in a relationship may mean keeping up your physical appearance. But once a man sees a baby come out of your shredded-up nether regions, I feel like the need for makeup is somewhat superfluous. And I do hope that my future husband will always love me even if I look like I have no lips. If he’s marrying me for my lips, we have a major problem. 😛
I don’t know. Maybe makeup is even more necessary to get the shredded up nether regions pic out of his head. 😉
I love bragging about my husband because I think he is the best person in the whole world! However I always feel bad doing so because my friends aren’t as lucky as I am! Would love for you to join us at the #HomeMattersParty it’s a fun place to link up! Pinning this and tweeting!
Great post, but no need to hate on women who enjoy lifting and body building.
Oh I don’t! I’m one of those!
i absolutely LOVE THIS!! thank you so much for these reminders!! you seem like an awesome person and wish we could be friends!! 🙂
This is the best post I’ve ever seen regarding marriage and keeping it alive. I’m 61 years young and been married 25 years to my sweet husband who is 8 years younger. I recognize some of the cat qualities in me that I need to change. Thank you for your refreshing reminder.
I came across this article on Pinterest, and it was a great read! I love finding other women who are passionate about building a strong and healthy marriage with their husbands. It’s always so cool to see a wife seeking to learn more about her role and to make herself better for her husband and family (and self) through reading great marriage books, and seeking the Father.
I loved your tip on waiting up to go to bed with him. That’s so great that you do that knowing it is important to him, even though you have to be up early! It has been important to me from the start of our marriage 4 years ago to go to bed together as a way of staying connected. All of your tips were great!
My husband and I have read many marriage books, including the book Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerichs. I wanted to say, kudos to you for navigating that book to peel out the good and healthy advice. I, personally (along with many other Christian’s in my circle) had a lot of foundational issues with that book. Not at all in the sense that it was advice we needed, but didn’t want to hear, but in the sense that there are some obvious biblical context flaws built into it, as well as a few pieces of more damaging advice, that are difficult to ignore. However, as a wife I have been able to take the pieces that are absolutely good ideas and try to implement them into my marriage for the betterment of our relationship. But I have to admit, I have a hard time recommending it to others to read without prefacing it with a warning on certain sections that I have further studied and searched with God. I hope that makes sense!
Another great book I would recommend if you haven’t come across it yet is “Fun Loving You” by Ted Cunningham.
Anyways, thanks again for the great article, and I appreciate you writing these posts as a way to build up other wives in their marriages!
I love your passion for marriages….N ur ideas r just so realistic, it’s only fair that we try and make the most of our married lives for our own sakes n our children’s sakes. Thenx a lot Chelsea may God bless u
That’s a great advice.. I must tell you.. I have been reading things on marriage on Pinterest lately. And whenever I have liked the write up.. I realise it’s you who had written (I had not been noticing the blog.. But Chelsea and Josh write up at the end made me realise that). I am trying to be a better wife.. the girl my husband fell in love with.. And these tips remind me of courtship days when I did most of these things. Thankyou for the reminder (thinking of making his favourite dinner).
A lot of this is funny to me. I’m the breadwinner in our home. My husband is a teacher, and is home long before I am, and leaves after I do in the morning. He welcomes me as I come in the door, and usually has dinner started. He does a bit more housework than I do because he knows I hate it, but we split it pretty evenly and I watch for nonverbal cues to make sure he isn’t overwhelmed, especially during finals. He likes it when I dress down with my messy bun and glasses and wipe off the lipstick, because that’s when the professional goes away and I’m truly myself. He does just as much for the kids as I do. He tends to need more communication, while I have a very strong sex drive.
Even if you have a relationship like mine, where it truly is a bit flipped, you can use the tips in this article. I ALWAYS brag about how amazing he is, especially in front of him. Always. Everyone needs to feel appreciated, and I make sure he knows how much he means to me. I leave little love notes for him, just like he leaves for me. I’m currently pregnant, and due in 3 weeks. Next week I’m surprising him by dropping the kids off with my mom, and taking him to where we got married so we can have a picnic. He’s been amazing for the last 8.5 months, always calling to check up on me when I had to travel for work, and giving me rubs and listening to me complain. All while keeping me laughing, the way he does. I just had to brag a bit, since I’ve truly found my soul mate, and he’s definitely one of a kind. 🙂
Being a modern woman and feminist does NOT have to get in the way of a loving marriage. You simply read tips like this and pull out what you can use. A little kindness, support, respect, and love can go a long way.
Praying for him is always my go-to. I know his job is hard and he most the time doesn’t feel appreciated there, so I just pray that God will keep his head up and let him know that he’s working so hard for the ones he loves most. Then on my way home from work I bring him his favorite candy or a scratchers just something small from the convienent store to show I think about him on these hot days while he’s in the shop. Love my man to pieces and shows the same respect to me, I couldn’t be more proud!
I just discovered your blog thru Pinterest today,and I have to say I love this article! It is easy to get into that comfortable zone after awhile and just forget those little things you each did. But I will tell you, those little things add up. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 years, this is both our second marriages, and we each had two kids with our respective ex-spouses that we are now raising together. My first husband was a very mean man and my 10 year old son suffers from PTSD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, which sounds as fun as it is sometimes. 🙁 But you know what, my man is never not there for me or my kids or my bonus kids. And I should tell him how proud I am of him and thank you more often. Too often we assume they already know how we feel, and maybe they do, but at doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy hearing it.. And no its not 1950 but maybe we need to bring back some of the marital values of that time ( not all of them- I’ve seen Mad Men lol) like how serious we take our marriage vows. And even though we haven’t tied the knot yet, we have lived as man and wife for a long time and between work and kids and school and daily stress sometimes we just forget about those little things. But isn’t that what we fell in love with? Some of it we still do, I still get up with him at 4 am to get him ready for work and pack his lunch, I never go anywhere, not even just to the corner store, without kissing him goodbye, and I know is one is weird, but I dish up his plate at dinner every night. I know that’s a weird one but he loves it, says it makes him feel special, and I watched my mom do the same thing with my dad, and they were crazy in love for 34 years until my dad was taken in the Oso Mudslide. I’ve had two marriages, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t, and yes every relationship is different but the love we feel for our spouse should be universal. Being a feminist and a modern woman does not mean we need to show men that we can take care of ourselves or that we don’t need them in our lives, its being vulnerable enough in front of our spouse to lean on them, to let them take care of us! My man knows how I feel about him and is very confident, but he still puffs up with pride when I brag about him! Thank you for reminding me to do those things a little more often, and not to take for granted that they know how we feel about them! Great article!
I have only found this message on Pinterest tonight. I belief that many of the ladies are truly cats, including myself. I have had a stroke and cannot pull myself to do everything. However, many of the items you suggested are so wonderful. I enjoy telling everyone how brilliant my husband is. We have been married for 35 years, he is my one true special man. I agree with lipstick! I agree to not wear baggy sweats, unless required, leggings and a top or sweater are perfect. I try to allow him to his own toys (he is the man who will never grow up), and he is fun to be with. I must remember to pull in my claws cuddle up more and purr. Thank you for a brilliant message.
i agree with what you have mentioned…… my husband always says i don’t need to be told (i love you) every day, i don’t need a hug every day, i don’t need to be texted every day. i use to tell him several times daily i love him, so when i slowed down he thought about it and mentioned it, (you haven’t told me you love me today or given me a hug). he did like it after all…. he appreciates the hugs, the i love you’s, the texts. something as small as those three things brought us closer together. We were taking each other for granted to much, not giving any kind of percent back and we started going down hill. you need to praise one another, touch one another, and yes putting on that lipstick helped me feel a little bit better about myself, which yes you need to also take care of yourself, for your husband notices those little things you do for you. i got a lot from your comments and thank you.
I have been going through alot of counciling to improve myself and be the bigger person.This is great advice but I also have to deal with his PTSD, bipolar disorder,and him being considered a dry drunk. I myself have Chronic PTSD, anxiety, depression, and going through alot of other medical problems,but this is great advice and I am going to try and keep it up for his sake. I know deep down he is a wonderful man/ husband and provider. We both have gone through some of the most awful things you can think of, but we are still together. I love my husband more than anything. The one thing that keeps me going is thier is always someone else out there that has it worse than you. For better or worse and in sickness and in health. Thank you for the suggestions and comments. I think it will help him out alot. He is supposed to be on meds too,but he won’t take it. I started getting into essential oils to help the stress.Part of the problem is my oldest son he is mentally ill and he stresses both of us at times. We almost lost his life 3 times. Which doesn’t help the situation. Then he got promoted which is more responsibility. Your advice has opened my eyes up about how selfish I can be. Thank you for your advice. Please keep it up. I will get the book and read it . Thank you!;.
It really depends on your situation. In my case, my husband can be gone for long periods of time for his work. So one thing I do is fold his work socks (while he’s home) and stick index cards in each pair; they have things like Bible verses or vocabulary words or things to do (one thing this time was “buy yourself an ice cream” and I added the money for it) and I finished each one with “I love you.” Other times, I spend the time planning a special staycation for when he gets back; I’ll research different foods, do the shopping, and prepare the foods…and give at least a few rooms in the house a good cleaning.
Since my man and I moved in together we keep a notebook in the kitchen. We dont write in it everyday, just when the spirit moves us! Most tiMes it is love notes but sometimes its serIous stuff on my mind that i can lay out in a thoughtful manner and he appreciates that! Mostly though it is just about all the things we love and appreciate about each other and looking back at the notes we’ve written shows our history of love and growth together!
I leave extra cute notes in his lunch box from time to time and always lay out his work clothes for work the next day so he doesn’t have to. Also I tell him thank you for working for us, and that I appreciate him (:
I didnt read all the comments, but i did read the article. When you go throigh tough times, sometimes it takes that little bit of extra thought and time, and sometimes we have to almost force ourselves to make the effort to be a little bit extranloving. These tough time may be a major event in life or just little bits of taking each other for granted and that leads to almost contempt. We need these little reminders from others sometimes to kick us BACK into the loving mood we were in when we first got married. Marriage should never be 50/50. If I am only giving 50% to my husband how much of myself am i holding back? How much of himself is he keeping from me if he is only giving 50% we do sometimes need to have the other person pick up slack in certain areas but these should be occassional. Otherwise, the marriage wont last. The past almost 2 years have been extrememly trying on our marriage but it is time now to put that 100% back in. No more 50%. No more waiting for him to give me WHAT i think i need. Time to JUST show love and give.
Ps. I dont know why this is all caps and i cant see the screen to fix spelling mistakes. Sorry. 😉
Those were great. Thank you. Staying up late is hard but thats sweet that you donthatnfor hIm.
Im not sure why this is in all caps. The caps isnt evem on ..?
I always greet my giy at the door and make sure thoses things that annoy him (our dog) isnt greeting him right away.
My husband & I leave love notes for each other onon a chalkboard in the KITCHEN
I put special snacks in his lunch. How I dress to greet him at the door