Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊 The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊
We took the kids to baby's 20 week anatomy scan to We took the kids to baby's 20 week anatomy scan today and here's how it went. Have you ever brought kids to one of these appointments??
Bet you thought we were done!! 😂 We've kept it Bet you thought we were done!! 😂 We've kept it our little secret for a while but I'm so excited to let the cat out of the bag that baby #3 will be here March 2023 💙💗💗
When we know a new foster placement is coming, we When we know a new foster placement is coming, we might have a couple days or just a couple hours to prepare 😳 In any case, these are a few of the things we try to get done beforehand that help us to be more "in the moment" when he or she arrives. Would you add anything to this list?
The thing about not so simple times is that they r The thing about not so simple times is that they really make you appreciate the simple ones 🖤 

So grateful for this little fam of ours and let me just say, now that we live in the south, fall has definitely become my favorite season 🍂 The weather is 👌👌👌 meaning I can sit outside for more than 5 minutes and not break a sweat. There's so many fun festivals, and the kids go crazy pointing out all the spooky Halloween decorations and fall colors 🎃 I wish I could slow down the stage of life we're in but making memories like these will do the trick.
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Family, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler · November 12, 2018

How We Finally Got Our Toddler to Stop Fighting Bedtime

David has struggled with bedtime for as long as I can remember. There has never been a time when we could simply lay him in his crib or just read him a book and say goodnight. Never. We call him our little puppy because he is just that: an adorable little friend who never wants to leave your side, ever.

The fact that toddlers hate bedtime is like a Geico commercial: “Everybody knows that.”

What’s hard about giving people advice on how to get their toddler to go to sleep is that no one is starting in the same place.

Does your child refuse to sleep in their own bed? Maybe they initially go to bed fine but they get out 100 times per night. Maybe it’s just that the entire process seems to take 3 hours from start to finish. Everyone’s bedtime struggle is a little different, so let me tell you where we are/were at…

David has struggled with bedtime for as long as I can remember. There has never been a time when we could simply lay him in his crib or just read him a book and say goodnight. Never. We call him our little puppy because he is just that: an adorable little friend who never wants to leave your side, ever.

One of the things we’ve always heard was that kids need a routine. And we’ve seen for ourselves that our kids actually do best when they have a routine and when they know what to expect for the most part. So we created a nightly routine that looked something like this:

  • Dinner time
  • Playtime
  • 30 minutes to an hour of tv time before bed, although he would rarely simply sit and stare at the television this whole time. There was often a lot of playing with Paw Patrol going on in the background. This is also where David would also have his last food and drink of the night) Brushing teeth, changing into pajamas
  • Reading 1-2 books (depending on how long each was)
  • Prayer
  • “1 minute” of cuddling (“” because this was rarely actually a minute, probably more like 5 minutes, I just wanted to mentally prepare him for me to be with him only a short while longer)
  • I leave the room

And no matter how well the rest of the entire bedtime routine went, this is where it always broke down.

Except for a few times that it didn’t…

There were a few times where I could remember the entire bedtime routine going reasonably well like it normally would and being amazed at the fact that I just walked out of the room without a peep from David. Not only that, but he stayed there, in his bed.

So what was different?

Intentionality

What I started to notice is not what David did before his bedtime, but what Josh and I did before his bedtime.

Now, during David’s play/TV time, Josh and I would often start to do our own thing. Josh would often start gaming early in the evening after dinner and stop later to spend time with me and I would pick up working from the computer while David was “occupied.”

The thing is, even if David didn’t act like he missed us at the moment while we were all doing our own thing, he sure as anything showed it when it was time for him to go to bed. On the nights when I didn’t pick up work right away and I intentionally spent time with him while he was watching his movie or playing before bed- those were the nights that he went down without a problem. I would play the games he wanted to play, ask him questions and talk with him, we would even sometimes clean up together. As long as we had a short while of quality time together before I said, “Ok, David, time for bed!” he really did 100x better. As if to say his “love cup” was full and he was good for the night.

Mentally prepare them

Now, of course, I always remembered to start mentally preparing him for bedtime. Usually about 15 minutes beforehand and then again at 10 minutes and 5. I would try my best to make going upstairs and brushing our teeth fun and exciting rather than about the fact that we were turning off the TV at this point. Sometimes I would tell him to race me or I would start talking to him about what book he wanted to read in bed that night. Keeping the mood light throughout the process was/is important even if he somehow gets water all over the counter while he’s brushing his teeth or if he thinks of 100 things he needs to do before he gets in bed. Keep. It. Light.

Tone

Another thing I noticed and made an effort to change was my tone. Kids are pretty intuitive and they can pick up a lot even in just the way we say something. I realized that when I was asking David to do things during his bedtime routine (or just in general) that I would often phrase it like a plead or a request. Now sure, I might be “asking” him to pick up his toys, but a parent, am I really asking? Nope. He needs to pick up his toys and if he ignores or disobeys, there’s going to be consequences. The same thing goes for bedtime. When I would say, “David, pleeeaaaase get in bed” I was telling him that he had the authority to choose whether or not he had a say in the matter and I just really hoped that he’d choose to obey.

Instead, I started saying things like this: “David.” *wait for eye contact* “Get in bed, please.” I made sure that the tone in my voice was stern but kind. Of course I was only stern if I felt like I needed to be (you know you can tell when they’re thinking about starting to throw a fit).

Mentally prepare, again. And again. And again.

Then, I made sure to mentally prepare him for each stage of bedtime. When we were brushing teeth, I would say, “Ok, now we’re going to read a book before we have 1 minute of cuddling.” When we were about to read our book I would say, “Ok, after this we’re going to have 1 minute of cuddling and then it’s bedtime.” And just before the cuddle sesh, “Ok, David, I’m going to cuddle for one minute and then I’m going downstairs to be with daddy and you’re going to sleep.” I would also prepare David for what an appropriate response would look like: “When I leave you’re going to stay in your bed. You don’t need to go to sleep right away, but you’re not going to come out of your room.” (Of course, you may have different rules for your kids but David is such a night owl that Josh and I decided it’s ok if he plays in his room before going to sleep).

Be consistent

Lastly, we made sure to be consistent and clear about consequences. If Josh and I tell David to stay in his room and he comes out, it’s not a coaxing game to try to get him to stay in his room. There are consequences for disobedience and David does best when he knows what to expect and that Josh and I are on the same page. In our own parenting, we didn’t find spanking to be very effective at all with David, so instead, we tell him that if he comes out of his room, he’ll get his blanket (Blankey) taken away. When I do this, I usually stand outside his door holding onto it for about 5 minutes or however long it takes for David to calm down. Then we have a talk and go over what we expect from him and let him know that the next time he comes out of his room, he’ll lose his blanket for the whole night.

Have we done that before? Yep. How many times? One or two. Because he figured out we were serious and he really likes that blankey. Of course, there’s been a couple times when he actually has a good reason to get out of bed like going to the bathroom. In which case we tell him that that’s ok (when it actually happens).

Of course, every parent is going to have their way of handling things with their kids. The main takeaways here are 1). Intentionality, 2). Tone/mood, and 3). Consistency.

I would LOVE to hear your best tips for getting your toddlers to go to (and stay in) bed! Share your experience and tips below so I and other mamas in need can read and maybe pick up a thing or two. And let me know what you thought of our tips here!

 

David has struggled with bedtime for as long as I can remember. There has never been a time when we could simply lay him in his crib or just read him a book and say goodnight. Never. We call him our little puppy because he is just that: an adorable little friend who never wants to leave your side, ever.

In: Family, Kids, Motherhood, Toddler · Tagged: bed, bedtime, bedtime routine, book, child, consequences, consistency, dad, disobey, intentionality, kid, mom, out of bed, parent, parenting, punishment, routine, sleep, tantrum, toddler, tone

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Comments

  1. Jenny says

    December 10, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    Bedtime can be a struggle! My husband worked late for a long time so i was usually doing bedtime with 3 kids myself. i decided to turn it into a time I enjoy instead of a time i dread, and it became so much easier for all of us! when it’s time to get pajamas on, i get excited and talk about how good it’s going to feel to put our comfy jammies on. i tell my kids how much i love reading with them and how they’re going to love going to sleep after a long day. i compliment them on the books they pick out, on how they’re kneeling beside me for prayer (even if they’re not being totally quiet), and how good they are at letting their bodies relax whIle I read and SIng to them…i like to think of it as “positive Brainwashing.” LOL.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️

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Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill Naturally, when we see a need, we rush in to fill it and fix it. On top of this, it’s hard for us to ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden to others. 

But in the process of meeting everyone else’s needs and neglecting our own (especially our need for rest), we often become bitter towards the ones we’re helping.

Instead, one of the best things we can do as a wife or mother is to assess our own needs and make sure to leave space to meet them ourself or to ask for what we need. 

It might be time to rest, help with the next meal, time alone to pray and meditate on God’s word, or allowing yourself to leave a task un-done so you can “selfishly” enjoy a hobby of yours like the rest of your family gets to do. 

In the end, making room to find joy each day may be one of the best things you do for your relationships.
30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet yo 30 weeks and counting down the days til we meet you. We *think* we've finally settled on a first name after non-stop back-and-forth and brainstorming. Any guesses?? Or.. what are your favorite baby girl names right now??
Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be s Saturday highlights 🖤 We've been trying to be super intentional with the time we spend with David and Evy recently, knowing that big changes are just around the corner! We pray with them, ask them what questions they have, take the time to explain things. I'm hoping they'll be set up pretty well for the transition of little sis coming in March but most of the work will happen after she gets here! How did you help littles prepare for baby?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️ Merry Christmas from the Damons! ❤️
The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊 The 12+ hour drive is worth it 😊
We took the kids to baby's 20 week anatomy scan to We took the kids to baby's 20 week anatomy scan today and here's how it went. Have you ever brought kids to one of these appointments??
Bet you thought we were done!! 😂 We've kept it Bet you thought we were done!! 😂 We've kept it our little secret for a while but I'm so excited to let the cat out of the bag that baby #3 will be here March 2023 💙💗💗
When we know a new foster placement is coming, we When we know a new foster placement is coming, we might have a couple days or just a couple hours to prepare 😳 In any case, these are a few of the things we try to get done beforehand that help us to be more "in the moment" when he or she arrives. Would you add anything to this list?
The thing about not so simple times is that they r The thing about not so simple times is that they really make you appreciate the simple ones 🖤 

So grateful for this little fam of ours and let me just say, now that we live in the south, fall has definitely become my favorite season 🍂 The weather is 👌👌👌 meaning I can sit outside for more than 5 minutes and not break a sweat. There's so many fun festivals, and the kids go crazy pointing out all the spooky Halloween decorations and fall colors 🎃 I wish I could slow down the stage of life we're in but making memories like these will do the trick.
If I was a... according to Josh 😋 What would yo If I was a... according to Josh 😋 What would your spouse say?? #ifiwasachallenge

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