Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
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Marriage, Relationships · February 11, 2016

10 Lessons I learned in My First Month of Marriage

A few of "Huh..." moments I had within my first month of marriage.So, as some of you may know, newly married life is pretty awesome. Yeah, there’s hard times too. Maybe moving away from family (or joining an already established family) or starting a new job or just new responsibilities in general. Partner that with learning all this new stuff about the love of your life that isn’t as glamorous as you once thought. Despite this, marriage is still pretty cool. Here are a few of “Huh…” moments I had within my first month of marriage.

1 Sleeping in the same bed is the best thing ever

Seriously, the best. I still look forward to getting in bed and putting my freezing cold feel on his freakishly warm body.

2 The way my husband spits out his toothpaste is disgusting

We all have our quirks, and we all have our own way of spitting out toothpaste. Josh’s is the same every single time. I don’t have to plug my ears anymore, but I still have to go to my happy place.

3 Dishes don’t do themselves

Neither do a lot of other things. Like fixing your car, getting rid of that bug infestation they failed to mention when you moved into your first apartment. We were on the younger side when we got married (both 21) and hadn’t experienced a lot of life yet. But the best way to learn is to throw yourself in and learn from experience (whether by choice or just doing what you gotta do)!

4 Loads of laundry is more literal than you realize

I hate laundry. And while you and your hubs will probably try to share housework, there’ll probably be some things that are unspokenly your job. Laundry is mine… but I still don’t do it.

5 Having one car is totally doable (depending on your work situations) and will actually let you spend more time together

The more we had to work, the more valuable our short car rides were together. I found myself reaching for Josh’s hand more and wanting to apologize for the dumb thing I said earlier before we had to say our goodbyes for the day. I learned to cherish the short moments before we parted ways.

6 My husband is more stressed than he let’s on

They’re not lying when they say “Hindsight is 20/20.” I used to have no idea why Josh would freak out when I would spend more money than anticipated at the grocery store, when, to me, I was just buying the basics. I know now that he was stressed about being a new provider. If your husband seems hung up on the little things, ask yourself if he could be stressed, and then try to be reassuring. They need to know they’re doing a good job at being a husband.

7 “Intimacy” makes men sleepy. “Ok, well… goodnight then…”

“Pillow talk” becomes more of a pat on the head and then the sound of snoring a few minutes later. It’s ok. I know he loves me. My point is, sex is great; but chances are, it’s not going to be like the movies.

Little problems don’t go away, they get worse…

I’m going to be pretty transparent here (with Josh’s permission) and say that before we got married, Josh and I both knew that he had a bit of an anger problem (but was never violent). And I guess I thought things would just kind of get better when we got married? And they did! But not before they got worse… It took a lot of prayer on my part and a lot of self awareness and prayer on Josh’s part to overcome. And we’re both so thankful that we can finally use the word “overcome” when we talk about it today.

9 Everybody poops

I think this came as more of a shock to my husband. But every marriage will have their own standards of when the bathroom door needs to be shut and when it’s ok to leave it open.

10 Don’t read into your husband’s actions too much, he really does love you

When we were first married, everything my husband did meant something about his expectations and respect for me. Or so I thought. Sooo many fights that left my poor husband thinking l, “Whaaaat just happened???” Men are usually pretty simple. Yeah, you’ll come by some bad habits that have a root problem that needs to be dealt with. But thinking the best of your spouse and assuming that he loves you and respects you will save you a lot of unnecessary conflict.

So, what did you learn in those early days?? Got any good newlywed stories to tell? Share them in the comments below! And don’t forget, if you loved this post, share with friends!

In: Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: expectations, husband, marriage, married life, newlyweds, Relationships, wedding, wife, young love

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Comments

  1. Christine says

    February 11, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    It is very interesting what you learn when you get married. Some days can be frustrating, disgusting and crazy. But it is the best thing and I wouldn’t change my married life for anything.

  2. Jenna says

    February 11, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    This is great. My husband and I had one car for our first 5 years of marriage and it worked out great, it’s nice to get to spend some extra time together.

  3. Amberly says

    February 11, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    If only dishes would do themselves…. 🙂

  4. Amanda | Maple Alps says

    February 11, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    Loved this post! Really though. Thanks for sharing from one newlywed to another 🙂

  5. Shaylee Field says

    February 11, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    I’m going to be a newlywed next year so I had to read your post! We’ve already lived together for 5 years though so most of these things I am VERY aware of already lol 😉

  6. Jenny says

    February 12, 2016 at 3:32 am

    SO true!
    I currently live with my fiance and learned some of these already haha.
    Laundry is also my job…oh boy.

    xoxo, Jenny

  7. Mattie says

    February 12, 2016 at 6:04 am

    Such an honest post! I love it!
    I’m not married, but so many things to look forward to! haha
    ~Mattie
    http://www.mattiesmakings.com

  8. Keating says

    February 12, 2016 at 10:29 am

    Haha #7 made me laugh. My husband falls asleep super quickly at night whereas my anxiety keeps me up long after he’s fallen asleep. So if I want something more than a kiss goodnight, I have to act on it fast before he falls asleep! haha and I very much wish dishes just did themselves. Laundry too. My life would be so much easier! Great post 🙂

  9. Carmen says

    May 26, 2016 at 6:59 am

    This post is so cute! I laughed a few times! Everything is so true, probably didn’t laugh at all those things when it first all happened but now I can look back and laugh with my hubby. which is a blessing!

  10. PETRECE RILEY says

    June 5, 2016 at 5:20 am

    Omg! Thank you for sharing. I am in my fourth year of marriage with two kids ages 2 and 3 and so it hasn’t been easy. However, after reading this i am encouraged and hope to see more of these types of discussions.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜

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