3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar
Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Th Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Then swipe ↩️ to get a look at the handsomest kid I know!
I've never been a huge fan of new years resolution I've never been a huge fan of new years resolutions. My thinking has typically been, "If you want to change for the better, just start." But I will say, this year I want to do better at always seeing the bright side and the opportunity - of taking responsibility. I have a tendency to play the victim when things don't go my way or if my goals are more difficult than I expected. This year, I want to joyfully and patiently work towards my goals as well as enjoy the moments of rest in between. I also want to give more of myself and my resources: to my family, to our church family, and to those in need. 

What's a goal of yours for 2021?

"She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.  She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.  She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

Proverbs 31:15‭-‬21 ESV
So we're past the longest night of winter, that me So we're past the longest night of winter, that means it's almost spring right??
I will never be a cold weather person 🥶
Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas ever Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas everyone!!
It started when we were younger and you were mine It started when we were younger and you were mine
MY BABY 
😭
And it's now stuck in your head you're welcome 🤗
How often do you let your kids in to what it's lik How often do you let your kids in to what it's like to manage life as an adult? To work, budget, to eat healthy not because you have to but because you want to, to give to others, to spend time in the word, to forgive even when we don't feel like it...

I think it's so important to model and help our kids see the every day choices that are not always easy but make a huge difference in the long run. Ie. eating out less = more $$ in the bank to buy meals for the homeless or to bring a child in who need a home. Josh and I don't always feel like cooking, but it's easier when we remember we're working towards greater things ❤️

In a world of instant gratification, what are we teaching our kids to work and wait for?
  • Family
  • Marriage
  • fitness
  • travel
  • Life & Finances
  • Home
  • Blog
    • Family
    • Marriage
    • fitness
    • travel
    • Life & Finances
    • Book
  • About
  • Contact
  • Shop Presets

Living the Sweet Wife

  • Home
  • Blog
    • Family
    • Marriage
    • fitness
    • travel
    • Life & Finances
    • Book
  • About
  • Contact
  • Shop Presets

divorce & separation, Marriage, Relationships · January 25, 2017

How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage

Please keep in mind that this post is not intended for those who seeking help with a physically abusive relationship. If that is the case, then outside help should be sought immediately and someone who is able must intervene on your behalf.

Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again.

Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I’m here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again.

1 | Understand that just because he says it, doesn’t mean it’s true or right

Take time to practice telling yourself that you’re not how your husband makes you feel. Does your husband make you feel stupid? You’re not. Does he make you feel like you would be lost without him? You wouldn’t be. Does he make you feel ugly? That’s not up for him to decide. These are things that you need to be able to grasp yourself before you’ll ever be able to convince your husband of them. If you inherently know that you are smart, no matter what your husband tells you, you’ll be able to filter through his disrespect and respond in a much more productive way than just internalizing his words and being hurt. That’s not to say that being secure in who you are makes you unbreakable. Being disrespected by someone so close to you is always going to be very hurtful. But it doesn’t need to damage your view of yourself.

This also isn’t to say that you’re perfect. It’s extremely important to give yourself grace and room to not be perfect, but that also doesn’t mean that whenever your husband and you disagree, that you are inherently right, just because. Hear what your husband is saying. Determine whether he’s crossing the line into disrespectful territory, and then filter his words accordingly. On the off chance that your husband is just trying to help you be a better person, try humbly accepting his criticism. But if his standards and expectations of you are unmeetable, you might have to refer to my next point.

2 | Have a safe, wise friend

Sometimes, when we’re constantly being faced with disrespect, it can be easy to forget what “normal” is like. And although I think most marriage problems can and should be resolved between you and your husband, if you feel like he is constantly disrespecting you, having a safe and wise friend can be extremely helpful in reminding you that you are not alone, you are not how your husband makes you feel, and they can remind you what “normal” is; you know, how people and couples should treat each other.

I was in a relationship once where I was constantly talked down to and made to feel like I would be a hopeless wreck without him. It really had a strong affect on my self confidence until I had a job where my boss was my reminder of “normal.” Well, she wasn’t really “normal,” she was actually one of the most encouraging people I had ever met. She reminded me that I was smart, that I was a hard worker, and that I was valuable all by myself, without needing anyone to help me. She and I became close friends and having her in my life allowed me to face my relationship with a new kind of confidence. With my new confidence, I now knew that sometimes when he spoke, he was right and had good things to say, and other times he was wrong and I had to learn to filter that out and gently but confidently let him know that he was wrong. (More on that later).

Be cautious when choosing this friend, though. Be sure they’re not simply going to be someone you go to who will gossip with you about your husband until you momentarily feel better about yourself (and worse about him). Your friend will need to be someone who can hear your story, and without judging or becoming consumed with mama-bear anger for you, give you the advice that you need to hear. They can pray with you to give you strength in a hard situation and they can even be the one to help you find someone to intervene on your behalf. But be sure that this friend is first and foremost going to be respectful of your marriage and want you and your husband to succeed.

3 | Be slow to speak

While we can’t necessarily control the words that come our of our husband’s mouth, we can control how we react to them. And there’s actually a lot of power in that. If your husband makes a backhanded comment, even if, on the inside, you feel like lashing back, try to pause for a moment, remember your standards for him, and say something like, “Hey, please don’t talk to me that way.” Or maybe, “I’d prefer if you worded that more kindly.” Responding this way, no matter how hard in the moment, will do a lot in terms of putting the fire out, instead of fanning it with an angry retaliation, without compromising your standards for how you want to be treated.

One of the biggest things you can do to help bring an environment of respect back into your home is to first show respect. We often think that in order to give respect, it must be earned. But this is often a cause of the breakdown between a husband and wife- moment of disrespect upon moment of disrespect. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs can explain this much better than I can in his book Love & Respect. I read it and it literally changed how I see my marriage and my husband. It opened my eyes to how important respect is to him and, as opposite as it sounds, respect needs to be given to husbands unconditionally just like love needs to be given unconditionally. But, like I said, he can explain it better than I can. Go get that book and read it!

4 | Give him the benefit of the doubt, cautiously

Just because your husband will occasionally say something disrespectful, that doesn’t mean he meant to be disrespectful. He may actually have no idea how his words make you feel. I get a lot of stories from women who think their husband (even their newlywed husband) is a horrible person for something they said to them. But I just can’t understand how all these women were tricked into marrying horrible, disrespectful men. Maybe he actually just has no idea that his words and actions hurt. It could also be that he’s saying something that might have been perfectly acceptable in his own family, but would never be ok to say in yours, leaving you thinking, “How could he????”

When I first met my husband’s family (back when we were dating) I honestly couldn’t believe how they talked to each other. They openly teased and made fun of each other, called each other names (not bad ones, but ones like “chippy cheeks-” the Damon side always had big cheeks- or names like “fatty”). My family wouldn’t in a million years call someone “fatty.” But then I realized how they reacted to being called these things and being teased. They actually liked it. Everyone in their family felt the same about their banter- they all knew it was out of love. And they understood that just because you called someone “fatty,” it didn’t mean you literally thought they were fat, you were just pointing out the fact that they were on their 3rd donut.

Once I understood this, I began to realize that the seemingly hurtful things my husband had said to me, things that I internalized rather than laughed at, shouldn’t have been taken so seriously at all. Now, instead of internalizing his words and feeling hurt, I’ll come back with a cheeky (no pun intended) comeback that we both end up laughing about, now that I’m able to give my husband the benefit of the doubt that he’s just trying to have fun with me.

Although you may have different circumstances, try to ask yourself why you think your husband says the things that hurt you. Could he be just trying to play with you? Or is he stressed out at work and doesn’t know how to express it? (Which, of course, isn’t ok, but it is a place to start when trying to find a solution).

If you feel like your husband is stable enough to talk about the things he says, don’t wait until you hate his guts to say something!! So many of us women would much rather he just “get it” because, of course, he should know that he crossed a line. But, say, if he doesn’t know, someone’s going to need to tell him. And when you do, remember, if it’s respect you want, it’s really important to first show respect. Treat your husband exactly how you would like to be treated, that way he will never have room to say, “Why should I respect you when you don’t respect me?” Lead by example.

5 | Remind him that you expect more

It’s also so extremely important to show your husband that you have standards and expectations of your own. It’s entirely ok to say something like, “I’m not ok with the way you’re speaking to me.” Following that, you could also even say, “I expect better from you.” I think it’s really important to let our husbands know that we believe that they can be kind with their words. We’ve seen it before and we would like to see it again. This all goes along with giving your husband the benefit of the doubt. You know that he can be kind, but something right now is going on in his mind that is causing some sort of anger and bitterness to spill over. Your husband might not be able to control all of his circumstances, but he does have a choice in how he reacts to and processes them.

6 | Get help

Yeah, this had to come in here somewhere. There are some times when there will just be nothing that you can do or say to change your husband’s behavior. But there might be something someone else can say that might sink in. You know how we talked about our standard of “normal” earlier? Well, you might not be the only one who is liable to forget how people should normally treat each other. Your husband probably forgot too and in that case, he’s going to need someone other than you to remind him how to be kind again. Counseling may be an option, but sometimes all your husband needs is a good friend to speak honestly with him. Try having a trusted friend who wants to see you guys winning at marriage talk to your husband. Then, remember to have your own open conversation as well. If things persist, then counseling may be necessary to help remind your husband what “normal” is again.

Have you gone through periods of disrespect in your own marriage? What are practical things you did to help pull your marriage out of that dark place?

Remember to share this post on social media to help a wife who might secretly be struggling with disrespect in her own marriage.

Love you guys!!

Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again.

Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again.

In: divorce & separation, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: abuse, benefit of the doubt, circumstances, confide, confront, counseling, disrespect, expectations, fights, friend, help, intervene, kind, kindness, love, love & respect, marriage, prayer, Relationships, Respect, security, stress, verbal, verbal abuse

join the club

You’ll Also Love

Victimhood in Marriage: Our StoryVictimhood in Marriage: Our Story
If you’ve never explored Cupcake Vineyards cans before, give it a try! I love the convenience of a grab-and-go wine to bring on our dates and they pair perfectly with warm summer nights and good times! Try Cupcake Vineyard's cans for yourself!3 Ways I Create Quality Time With My Husband
What We Finally Did to get our Toddler Potty Trained in a Week

Comments

  1. Jerry Stumpf says

    January 25, 2017 at 2:29 pm

    Chelsea, a helpful post!

    I agree with the premise of # 2 – (friend) but if a man is already acting out badly, (disrespectful) a woman needs to be very careful what she shares with others. Many men are hyper sensitive to their private life being mentioned to someone else which could make the matter worse.

    If a woman only speaks about her low self-image, that would not be inflammatory. Often though, women seek another female to “unload” their baggage without understanding how it aggravates her husband. Even husbands who truly love their wife often feel violated if a wife turns to her mom or a friend to seek help for problems in the marriage.

    Any woman has the right, and as you point out, the need to gain help for herself. My caution is to be careful as to “how” to proceed and not “if” to proceed.

    Also, I appreciate your initial remarks concerning abuse. Our advice is the same, any person being abused should get professional help today, this hour!

    A large part of our coaching is to encourage a spouse’s self-esteem. So this post struck a good nerve! Have a blessed day!

    Reply
    • Lorraine Smith says

      September 3, 2020 at 3:06 pm

      Good Advise Jerry,,, most of these columns are just not helpful.. Abusers are always abusive in all deeds.. i feel my husband is disrespectful that is why i look at the article,, not learn who to tell.. its not good to gossip about family. No real advise on the article in my opinion.

      Reply
  2. Ayanna says

    February 1, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    This is a great post and so on time for me. I am the friend you are referring to in #2 and have been praying about what to say and how to support her. This has given me some great points and things to focus on.

    Reply
  3. Donna Williams says

    February 2, 2017 at 8:19 pm

    I am not in agreement. Disrespectful words even in “teasing” hurt, especially in public. I read a scientific study that showed that if a couple said disrespectful things to one another in public they were more likely to divorce. We are to lift one another up, not tear one another down. A man is to love his wife like Christ loved the church. I don’t remember Christ ever calling one of his disciples, Smelly Fish, Blow Fish Cheeks, Skinflint tax collector, or ANYTHING disrespectful even in “fun” or “teasing”. Women are to respect their husbands. “Teasing” words are not respectful. Lift each other up, tell each other what you like about each other, if you have something bothering you about your spouse, don’t go to a “friend”. Go to your spouse who is supposed to be your best friend and gently and lovingly discuss the situation. Forgive one another as Christ forgives you. Be gentle with each other. Remember, God gave this person to you as a help mate, to love and cherish.

    Reply
    • Shelly W. says

      October 17, 2019 at 2:13 pm

      I agree with this comment entirely. Thank you!

      Reply
    • Faith says

      October 29, 2019 at 9:31 am

      100 percent correct!! I took a lot from it.

      Reply
    • Disrespected women and it’s funny to him says

      May 29, 2020 at 1:12 am

      Right!

      Reply
    • Vwede says

      August 20, 2020 at 12:41 pm

      I agree 100%, thanks

      Reply
    • Rachelle says

      August 31, 2020 at 2:54 pm

      Agree! Self control is also a factor. I can control myself and think before I speak. Why can’t my husband do the same? I can’t forget the names my husband has called me.

      Reply
  4. Date Mortin says

    February 23, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    What a great article, I believe you women are female chauvinist. I suffer a great deal of disrespect from my wife. I often get told by my family, her siblings and her parents that I shouldn’t let my wife treat me this way. Spot on article ; )

    Reply
  5. Joyce vail says

    January 2, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Actually found your article in the right time! Ama ing how God works! Will follow you on Instagram for sure! I di feel you gave wisdom & understanding. I am gratfUl! Will get that book you suggested,”love & respect”i am one person that believes all things WOrk out & it starts eith us!

    Reply
  6. Mr. Smith says

    September 13, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    I’m reading this article and replacing husband with wife. My wife has little respect for me and I’m starting to realize I’m in an abusive relationship. I’m suppose to feel like I screwed up all the time. I’m suppose to feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I’m supposed to feel like I’m pathetic. If something goes wrong, not only am I told about it, it gets ground into my soul. I’m not a husband, I’m a yes man and it sucks.

    I need to do something and this post has provided some good tips. It’s been 16 years of saying “How high?” when asked to jump. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Denise says

      January 5, 2020 at 8:16 pm

      Hi.
      Have you talked to your wife, to let her know how she’s making you feel? If not, please do…before you jump ship. She may not realize just how hurt you are and she may change if she realizes she’s on the verge of losing you.

      Reply
    • Sandra C. says

      April 9, 2020 at 4:40 pm

      Mr. Smith, I feel the exact same way, only I am the wife. My God, I can do nothing right. He will start a conversation with “John said I should buy one”, and I’ll say, “John who?” and “buy what?” and he’ll jump all over me, like I should know exactly what he is talking about with no prior information. It’s just things like this all the time! If I trip up on a word, he interrupts me in mid sentence, yells at me and screams “stop stuttering”. I am not exaggerating. He is a bully and doesn’t respect me. He is always demanding I contact this person or that person to ask them for a favor. It’s never anything I want, but he wants it but doesn’t want to look needy and ask for it, so he badgers ME to do it for him. When I say no, he becomes irate and accuses me of being argumentative?? What??

      I feel for you Mr. Smith. I, like you, don’t know what to do anymore. In fact, this has gone on for so long (20 years) that I’m certain there is nothing that is going to change this man’s behavior. He is selfish, controlling and heartless. If I didn’t have so much of my wealth wrapped up with him, I would leave him in a heartbeat.

      Reply
      • Nancy says

        May 6, 2020 at 3:26 pm

        Sandra, I’m in the same boat. I have to stay because I have children. I’m telling myself to wait till my children can be on their own then I’ll go.

        Reply
      • Kellie says

        September 3, 2020 at 12:56 am

        Sandra, my husband only has part of traits you discussed. He will tell me some information like “What did you think of that?”, and I will ask “Think of what?” and he will get angry that I don’t know. Then, if I say I really don’t know he says something like “We were just talking about it”, and then may or may not finally tell me what’s going on….it may be a subject we discussed 1/2 hour ago and we had discussed other things since then. I really think it’s because his memory is fading and he doesn’t realize he’s not telling me the whole story. So I can empathize, but I don’t know the solution.

        Reply
    • Judy says

      April 22, 2020 at 4:32 am

      Same here.. I’m sorry ur going through something like that I know exactly how it feels.. yes I’ll tried talking to my husband about it n he doesn’t want to hear it.. Not much I can do… Wishing u the best hope ur able to talk to ur wife n she can hear u out.

      Reply
  7. Ms Smith says

    October 9, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Sometimes an unkind word spoken is worse than a punch in the gut. Multiply those unkind words with multiple gut punches and you end up with someone who is being just as abused as the victim of physical abuse.

    Isn’t as deadly you say? Really, there are thousands of women, and yes men, who are addicted to drug, alcohol or what have you in order to deal with the daily verbal assaults. Many commit suicide or even homicide.

    Children living in that type of environment are just as likely to choose a similar relationship for themselves as those who live in an environment that has physical abuse.

    My comments do not come from someone without experience. Furthermore, no counselor worth their degree is going to encourage anyone to remain in an abusive relationship, physical or emotional, when damage is occurring. Get out, then seek help. In that order period.

    Reply
    • Nneh says

      May 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

      AWESOME ADVICE!!
      Emotional abuse is as BAD as Physical Abuse… Name calling is a form of Emotional/Psychological abuse and should not be tolerated either way. My husband grew up in a physical /emotional abusive home( his father was abusive and he lost his mom to Depression from it all). He is no better than his Dad and when I remind him of that from the stories he told me, he gets very upset. It is sad that our children see this. They need a better example….. We should be better examples for our kids.. I told him he should stop blaming his dad and be the one that BREAKS that cycle of Abuse….

      Reply
  8. Rick Messina says

    January 1, 2020 at 3:55 am

    I tell ya I feel like a odd ball. I was googling diff situations and it would be like “wife doesn’t work, or clean, hubby works, does laundry and cook why does wife one min act one way but when one gets def and screams and is disre when I take care of it all. Or why wives lie on good people for sympathy and att . What’s sad I can’t find any of that in a wife’s role at all. I find all the topics but it’s all men doing it. Why
    In the hell is my situation a rarity. I don’t get it at all.

    Reply
  9. Denise says

    January 5, 2020 at 8:16 pm

    Hi.
    Have you talked to your wife, to let her know how she’s making you feel? If not, please do…before you jump ship. She may not realize just how hurt you are and she may change if she realizes she’s on the verge of losing you.

    Reply
    • LL says

      July 19, 2020 at 2:24 pm

      Hi I love my husband but he is a different person when he is around his children. I have try my best best to talk to them over the years. As a stepmom and I have brought it to his attention that his children don’t like talk to me. I have been there thick and thin at one point when I was just me and him there for them. But now they are older and it is worried because Iam tried of trying.

      Reply
  10. Anihari says

    April 8, 2020 at 4:19 am

    Hi it’s a great post and exactly how I am feeling these days. My husband has this weird attitude and argues h
    Just to put me down. My personality is on the softer side and without reading the post I have tried all the methods you mentioned above. However he does not even consider this king of what I said and just walks away from the conversations. All I do is cry out loud, that’s just my way of expressing my helplessness and anger maybe. U have two girls and during birth my pregnancies I have had episodes where I am losing myself and feeling super down. He does come around for max 2 days and things steel back to square one when we argue. All the things he says are hurtful and sometimes provoke me to get into an argument.Now what u do is just walk away from the conversation and just mind my matters. He still comments but I just try to succumb it and not react. Any advice what j should do?

    Reply
  11. Savannagh Jones says

    April 17, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    My husband of 14 years is chronically angry man. He is over the top angry over stupid things, acts aggressively at inanimate objects, is overly opinionated (like how people who talk about politics) and talks at me, rather than to me. He is a road-rage driver, and gets angrier when I ask him to consider my safety While I am in the car. I have expressed to him that I feel unsafe when he speeds and tails people or flips other drivers off because it could cause someone to retaliate and I could be the one getting shot. I told him he can drive however way He wants when he is alone, but to please consider me, my feelings and to keep me safe. He often says he is so intelligent that he sees things other people don’t see. But if he were so intelligent, then why is he so mean spirited, rude, condescending? He works from home, so isn’t around his co-workers like he used to be. I hated it when he started working from home. He talks incessantly even when he sees I am reading. Often he talks about things that I can’t engage with so it’s like he wants an audience. Every day he smokes pot, and he is just not getting how his being high creates division spirituality between us. I have stopped asking him to stop smoking pot, which he thinks I am finally Ok with it. But I am not. Ever since he started working from home and smokes pot daily and all day sometimes, we have stopped going to church. He complains often how the preacher is this or that or the worship team doesn’t play the right songs. Blah blah blah. Excuses excuses excuses. He is lazy around the house but then his mom always did the cooking and cleaning. I have acquiescenced for the sake of having peace. He has derailed my ability to work from home as he constantly interrupted, disrupted me and client work. So I am trapped and for some reason can’t find a job even though I have excellent skills. He is a know it all, so no point in going to counseling. Every day I pray that his company will make him go to the office. But now with Covid-19 that won’t Happen.
    There are good things about him but the bad traits are extremely over bearing. Even people – strangers – have said things to him About his aggression, or that he is over the top. I don’t get it. He has so much to be grateful for, we have a ton of money in the bank, no debt, he has a dream job and getting paid well. but he is always angry and frustrated. He expects the world to cater to him and things are suppose to flow well for him 24:7. I cringe when he talks especially when he is talking about himself and how smart he is. I cringe when he goes on his tangent about how everyone else is just too stupid or short sighted to know how to do this or that. self aggrandizement. He tells me he loves me daily, and I am not worried about him being unfaithful because no woman would want an angry man who is self absorbed and know it all, and needs an audience 24/7. I’m like,” please ! Take him!” He just doesn’t see me as a human being. I’m like a side kick or a pet. When I stand up for myself he attacks me and goes pretty low. I know who I am, and laugh inside as to how small he is IF he thinks he can belittle and berate me. I ignore him. I told him he talks so much, it is hard to know what part I should listen to or if he just is talking a lot. What causes this ? Is he a sociopath ? I am the longest relationship he has had. He was married before but that marriage ended a few years later and badly. He just doesn’t get how his behavior, words, smoking pot damages relationships. He should be thanking God for me and take initiative to help me around the house and to be humble. I’m stuck. I Vacillate between loving him and being compassionate to wishing he would leave me for another woman so she can tell him what a D- – – he is then he will take seriously what I have been saying to him all these years. Enough said. Respect a man who has a bad habit of bulldozing over me and continuously disrespects me no matter how nice, giving I am! Ok I will just be a floorMat!

    Reply
    • Nneh says

      May 4, 2020 at 10:05 pm

      COVERT NARCISSIST…. is the only thing I can think of now after reading your post. Sorry that I don’t have no advice for you as my case is some how like yours. He wants me to quit my job because he thinks I am dating the BOSS.. He is kicking me out of the house because I refuse to quit my job…..( mind you– he really does not help me financially and spends money on fancy things). He is well educated and accomplished but always so angry..
      Prayers for God’s Guidance and Direction.
      Please — there is so much information on QUORA.. It has helped me alot.

      Reply
  12. Judy says

    April 22, 2020 at 4:34 am

    Same here.. I’m sorry ur going through something like that I know exactly how it feels.. yes I’ll tried talking to my husband about it n he doesn’t want to hear it.. Not much I can do… Wishing u the best hope ur able to talk to ur wife n she can hear u out.

    Reply
  13. Joleine says

    April 24, 2020 at 1:21 pm

    My husband keeps telling me that I do not respect him. But at the same time, I’m at the mercy of him behaving violent at home if he is angry. If I share how I feel, he tells me that I do worse. I caught him cheating once and even though we worked things out, he keeps making demeaning vulgar comments at me and dragging my parents into the arguments. I feel so small, hopeless and helpless. Even if he makes a mistake, he somehow relates it to an action of mine and does not take any responsibility. My brain keeps throbbing and I feel suicidal. Please help.

    Reply
    • Kellie says

      September 3, 2020 at 1:02 am

      Joeline, that sounds so difficult! My husband can be a pain, and when we argue, he also always brings it back to being my fault. Then if I point out it isn’t, he starts repeating this phrase “It’s all my fault, everything’s my fault” and tries to bring on a guilt trip. I can’t win no matter what I do. But your husband sounds much more difficult. Please hang in there and talk to a professional as they can give you the advice I am not trained to do. I need advice myself!

      Reply
  14. Cynthia says

    April 29, 2020 at 7:28 am

    Such a great post, I totally agree, but what happens if he’s always gossiping his wife to his friends and doesn’t stop talking down on you. But rather happier whenever you bring forth either large cash to spend for the house or buy him gifts, do all you can to make him happy, only for you to realise he’s only happy when he’s getting so much of everything from you. And I realized my husband never forgives easily too.. What do I do??

    Reply
  15. Danielle says

    May 8, 2020 at 2:45 am

    I totally understand because I have lived it every day of 18 years.( year one was great) My husband is angry, hot tempered , hyper critical, and shut off all intimacy over 5 years ago. When he gets mad, he goes for the jugular. He screams a laundry list of every thing wrong with me and why I am such a loser and disappointment to him. He is ultra sensitive, and I never know know what will set him off. I have fibromyalgia and crippling migraines and he shows me no mercy or empathy to the chronic pain. I believe the stress of being with him ( he recently retired) 24 hours a day is what is making me ill. I have no one to turn to since my Sister died. I have no means of support and he has tied all the money up in things I do not control. Now he wants to go on a RV trip for 2 months straight and if I tell him I cannot go, he will make my life even worse. I have given him support and love, but he seems to have nothing but contempt for me. Every year he gets more angry, and just trying to talk to him about it brings an episode that makes me regret saying a word. I am shell shocked and constantly on edge. It is so hard to see him be so sweet, attentive and affectionate to our two dogs , then rejects me and never has anything positive to say. I try to talk to people about it, but because he is nice to everyone else, I can tell they do not believe he could be so hateful to me. I just pray every night that one of us dies, because either way I will be free. I am 62, and cannot survive without means. I have gone to counseling, he will not go with me, because the one time we went together, the counselor said he shouldn’t make his wife afraid, that made him mad and he said he would never go back. The counselor told me I either have to leave or learn to deal with the abuse . I have had a migraine for over a week now. I wish God would take me.

    Reply
  16. Emmanuel says

    June 23, 2020 at 5:32 am

    Am in the same socks

    Reply
  17. LL says

    July 19, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    Hi I love my husband but he is a different person when he is around his children. I have try my best best to talk to them over the years. As a stepmom and I have brought it to his attention that his children don’t like talk to me. I have been there thick and thin at one point when I was just me and him there for them. But now they are older and it is worried because Iam tried of trying.

    Reply
  18. O'Reilly Shaw says

    July 20, 2020 at 11:33 pm

    A great content with the necessary things to do. As for me as long as you respect each others and your decisions it’s all good. It may be hard at first but in the long run you’ll get used to it.

    Reply
  19. Janet Moses says

    July 31, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    It’s so difficult being in a marriage with a husband who is so disrespectful. He never apologizes and does not want to discuss the problem. Gets angry for every little thing. He is just a horrible person who doesn’t care about my feelings been hurt. I am so emotionally and physically drained by all of this. Disagreements are over petty issues which he starts. He. Is just so heartless and only cares about himself even more so when he is having his outbursts. I don’t work and have chronic medical issues. It’s hard and really sad to be around someone like him. He uses every opportunity he has to belittle me and thinks it ok to do so and he is never wrong. I can’t say anything because he gets angry. He is a verbal physical and an emotional abuser. He speaks and talks to everyone else with respect but with me it’s the total opposite. He is very stubborn and won’t admit that he is the cause of the problem and try to solve it but just behave continuously like he does. It’s like he will be ok for a few days and then he starts being disrespectful. It’s a weekly episode in my marriage and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    Reply
  20. Ann Hibert says

    August 27, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    I feel for all of you. I have a similar situation where my husband is a god and beloved by all his colleagues and friends. Yet he teases me at my expense and will get angry if I call him on something and then refuse to talk about it. Whenever he is disrespectful he will tell me I’m too delicate or sensitive. He won’t take accountability, ever. And tells me i make him feel like a bad person. Why is he so sensitive? 30+ years and I am so weary of these episodes. They come out of then blue so I cannot predict them except he is worse when he is high and drunk. My grown kids kids see it and are on my side but live far away. I’ll try the above but don’t have much hope. Otherwise he is a good husband and we have equal finances. Help!!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Next Post >

How to get back to being healthy (when you’ve had a few too many cheat days)

Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

join the club

Recent Posts

3 Ways to Make the End of Summer a Blast for the Kids

3 Ways to Make the End of Summer a Blast for the Kids

3 Ways I Create Quality Time With My Husband

3 Ways I Create Quality Time With My Husband

The Best Tips + Packing List for Hiking with Kids and Babies

The Best Tips + Packing List for Hiking with Kids and Babies

Cultivating Quality Time With the Kids This Holiday Season

Cultivating Quality Time With the Kids This Holiday Season

My Etsy and Small Business Gift Guide for Her 2020

My Etsy and Small Business Gift Guide for Her 2020

5 Healthy Boundaries to Set with Your Kids

5 Healthy Boundaries to Set with Your Kids

Categories

  • Family
  • Marriage
  • fitness
  • travel
  • Life & Finances
Shop Presets

Instagram

3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar
Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Th Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Then swipe ↩️ to get a look at the handsomest kid I know!

trending now

  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
  • Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just write a long list to your spouse of all the things he does that drive you insane?? I have done this. 8 of the Worst Marriage Habits
  • Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again. How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage
  • the purpose of these is to learn a little more than you knew before. Take time to think about the answers to these and how they may relate to character and personality. You may learn a thing or two you didn’t know before! 20 Fun questions that will tell you more about your significant other

instagram

Follow @chelsealeighdamon

3 things I did this week to feel *better*: 1. I p 3 things I did this week to feel *better*:

1. I put the scale away. Don't get me wrong, I'm still working out regularly and watching my portions and sugar intake, but I'm not letting myself feel discouraged in the midst of building healthy habits. It's just not helpful and it's not about the number anyway.

2. Josh and I organized and decluttered the house. Is it weird that this really improves my mood while working from home??

3. I responded (ok tried to) to emails/texts faster. I'm the type who, if I don't know the answer or the best way to respond, I'll let it sit for a while and mildly stress me out until it's either too awkward to respond or I respond way late. I'm working on just responding quickly, even if it's imperfect. 

Do you struggle with any of these things?? 

Ps this is my favorite new @acta.wear top! Use my code CHELSEA20 for 20% off 👏
What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty What are you currently reading? I admit I'm pretty bad when it comes to picking up books but I love me a good audio book! It feels extra productive when I listen because it's automatic multi tasking 😄 I'm currently reading 1 Samuel, Atomic Habits, and Managing Up ☝️

Ps. Swipe for Chelsea Damon presets before and after! Grab the presets individually or in a pack at chelseadamonpresets.com (🔗 in bio).
#ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intention #ad 2021 for me is going to be all about intentional decision making and living joyfully in the in between moments. #ad ONE Bars give me the chance to fill up on something I know is a good choice, with only 1g of sugar and 20g (!!) of protein! Psst, the Blueberry Cobbler is my favorite 😋 Stock up on all the delicious ONE Bar flavors!

 https://lnk2.io/w97K9YV #TasteONEtoBelieveONE #YouveFoundTheOne @ONE1Brands #onebar
Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Th Swipe ➡️ to get a better look at that view! Then swipe ↩️ to get a look at the handsomest kid I know!
I've never been a huge fan of new years resolution I've never been a huge fan of new years resolutions. My thinking has typically been, "If you want to change for the better, just start." But I will say, this year I want to do better at always seeing the bright side and the opportunity - of taking responsibility. I have a tendency to play the victim when things don't go my way or if my goals are more difficult than I expected. This year, I want to joyfully and patiently work towards my goals as well as enjoy the moments of rest in between. I also want to give more of myself and my resources: to my family, to our church family, and to those in need. 

What's a goal of yours for 2021?

"She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.  She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.  She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.  She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.  She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

Proverbs 31:15‭-‬21 ESV
So we're past the longest night of winter, that me So we're past the longest night of winter, that means it's almost spring right??
I will never be a cold weather person 🥶
Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas ever Rainy in a nutshell 👉 😄 Merry Christmas everyone!!
It started when we were younger and you were mine It started when we were younger and you were mine
MY BABY 
😭
And it's now stuck in your head you're welcome 🤗
How often do you let your kids in to what it's lik How often do you let your kids in to what it's like to manage life as an adult? To work, budget, to eat healthy not because you have to but because you want to, to give to others, to spend time in the word, to forgive even when we don't feel like it...

I think it's so important to model and help our kids see the every day choices that are not always easy but make a huge difference in the long run. Ie. eating out less = more $$ in the bank to buy meals for the homeless or to bring a child in who need a home. Josh and I don't always feel like cooking, but it's easier when we remember we're working towards greater things ❤️

In a world of instant gratification, what are we teaching our kids to work and wait for?
So this happened 💚 What started as a blog turne So this happened 💚
What started as a blog turned into a way to help others, then turned into a book, and then turned into a way to support our family. We love our new city and  are so happy to be here!
1 Corinthians 1:11 "Follow me as I follow Christ."

Explore

  • About
  • Shop Presets
  • My Book
  • Contact

join the club

Shop My Favorites

  • Travel Essentials
  • Style Faves
  • Home Decor
  • Beauty Routine
  • About
  • Media Kit | Guest Posting
  • Privacy Policy & T&C’s

Copyright © 2021 Living the Sweet Wife · Theme by 17th Avenue