Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜
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divorce & separation, Marriage, Relationships · February 24, 2022

The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Young

Should you get married young? Or should you wait to get married? It’s a tough question that, in my opinion, doesn’t have a right answer. Couples work out because of their humility, willingness to work together, ability to forgive, and set goals.

That said, there are positives and negatives to when you decide to get married.

Pros:

Growing with each other

When you’re young and you choose to join your life with someone, there’s still so much you’re still learning about yourselves. Many will see this as purely a negative (and we will talk about the negative side, for sure) but it is definitely a positive as well.

Two people who are older when they get married are bound to be more “stuck in their ways” for lack of a better way to put it. They’re used to doing the dishes a certain way, handling their finances a certain way, having their own friends, and their own level of independence. This can be good, but it will also likely lead to a lot of growing pains that an older couple will have to navigate carefully and intentionally if they’re going to make their relationship work.

On the other hand, a couple who gets married young will have the advantage of growing into who they are together and getting used to living together while they’re still more flexible.

Josh and I met at 18 and were married by 21. We were clearly not at the level of maturity we are now in our 30s but in many ways we were close from the start. We like to leave parties at the same time, have had the same expectations for finances and house cleanliness for as long as I can remember, and can just give each other a simple look and know what the other is thinking.

I’m not saying that older couples can’t do this, but it will probably be met with more friction later on in life.

Potentially bringing less “baggage”

Ok, I don’t love the term “baggage” because it implies that because someone has a history, they’re less valuable. Of course, we know that’s not the case. But I will say that longer personal histories often make life more complicated.

Of course, everyone is different and lives very different lives. But I think we all can agree that the longer a person lives, the more likely they are to have built a history with someone else. And that, too, isn’t negative in and of itself. But if that prior relationship is no longer a thing, there’s bound to be some painful memories tied to it.

All this to say, if you get married younger, you’re less likely to have lived a good amount of yourself with others, creating what could be painful memories that you have to take with you into your next relationship.

I want to clarify that I—in no way—see those who have been in past relationships and marriages as “damaged goods”. All people have intrinsic value that doesn’t grow or lessen because of the life they’ve lived.

What I am saying is that couples who start their lives together younger will likely not have as many broken relationships as those who get married when they’re older.

Having more energy in the early years

Ok so this isn’t universal but for the most part, it’s understood that when you’re younger, you have more energy. And it’s just nice to experience that phase of life with the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

You might have more energy to travel, volunteer, go out at night, even have kids.

Josh and I had two kids before we were 25. And that did come with it’s own negatives. We were very low income and had to live with his parents for a while while we saved for a home of our own. That being said, now that we’re 30 and talking about potentially having another, it sounds like a completely different ballgame. I’m used to sleeping through the night, taking care of myself, exercising in the morning. If we have another child, those things won’t be possible again for a while.

It’s all trade-offs but I’ll never regret getting married and having kids young.

You can plan your future and work towards goals together

When you’re young, it can be really exciting to talk about and plan your future together. What’s even more exciting is when you finally reach a goal you’ve been working towards and anticipating for a long time. This, to me, is a great plus to getting married young. But, sometimes couples will feel a lot of conflict if their plans don’t work out for some reason or another.

Cons:

You’re likely to start out poorer

According to the US Census Bureau, the median household income for 15-24 year olds is $46,886 and $71,556 for 25-34 year olds.

Take it or leave it, but the fact is that if you’re younger, you likely make less money. Josh and I decided to work this out together. Friends we know got married young as well and decided to wait to have kids until they both had stable jobs, owned their own home, and were otherwise debt-free. Other couples we know waited until they did more of these things to even think about getting married.

It really depends on what you can handle. It is hard to feel strapped for cash at any point in your life, but it can feel especially frustrating if your spouse isn’t on the same page as you when it comes to their spending habits and how/if they like to save and invest money.

If you do decide to get married young, just be sure you go to marriage counseling and talk about many things that typically put strain on marriages, but especially finances.

You’re both still figuring out who you are

In many ways, I believe growing together is a positive. But – couples who get together in their late teens or early twenties are still very much maturing, learning how to live in the world, and figuring out who the heck they are.

This can be a beautiful thing if you navigate it well. If you don’t it could lead to an unhealthy codependence where one or both people don’t know who they are without the other. There is such a thing as healthy dependence. But couples who get together at a young age can much more easily fall into an unhealthy dependence since being together can eventually become all they know.

Want to avoid this?

If you do get married young, be sure to spend time with friends on your own from time to time, develop your own hobbies, read your own books, etc. Of course, it’s great to pursue interests together, but make sure you’re growing as individuals as well.

You’re still maturing

If you get married young, you’ll likely experience a lot of “firsts” together. First time buying a house, first time paying taxes, getting your first real job. And going through these together can be a great thing if you know how to approach these big decisions with maturity and also seek counsel from trusted friends and family.

But, if either or both people in the relationship lack maturity, you’re going to feel growing pains as you try to navigate these complicated situations and decisions together.

Getting married is also simply a big responsibility. And while the idea of having a wedding and playing house can be exciting for a while, couples will need to know if they’re really ready to live out the rest of their lives together—through the fun parts, the waiting periods, and the ugly parts.

It can be a lot easier to overlook red flags

Getting married at a younger age means you don’t have the same experience as someone who’s lived longer, potentially suffered from more heartbreak, and learned from their mistakes. Getting married at an older age might mean that you’re better at spotting red flags that a younger person could easily overlook.

You may not know what exactly you want in life

How often are high school kids forced to pick a college major at 18, only to figure out that they actually hate that line of work or they were only doing it because it was an expectation others had for them?

Getting married young can risk some of the same indecisiveness. If you were marrying someone who was going to school to get a great job, you might not be worried about all the debt that’s racking up. But if they decide to make a career change to a job that pays a lot less, the financial burden of paying off student loans will significantly affect your day to day life. This is just one example. Another could be what you want your family to look like (kids, no kids, adopting, etc).

Older couples tend to know what their short and long term goals are and will likely communicate those to a partner before getting married making them much more likely to be on the same page about what they want and what’s a deal-breaker.

In: divorce & separation, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: 10 disadvantages of early marriage, am i too young to get married, benefits of getting married at 18, christian marriage advice, financial benefits of getting married young, how old should you be to get married, marriage advice, pros and cons, relationship advice, relationship tips, should you get married young, should you wait to get married, the effects of getting married at young age, The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Young, what is a good age to get married, what is considered getting married young

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?

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Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

Sandals @naotfootwear 💕
Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Jos Today was a sweet day. Woke up at 8:30 next to Josh in a quiet house - the kids slept over my parent's last night. Got up, raced to clean the kitchen as fast as I could while my coffee was brewing. The coffee won this time. 

I recorded a Reel while getting ready. Went to the place where we were going to meet my fam a bit early so Josh and I could get in a walk. Then we got coffee, went to a huge antique store (sadly left with nothing but took pictures of my faves so I can remember to come back) and went to lunch with the kids and my parents. Love easy-going and fun days like these 🖤
Back in the day,I was talking with someone about m Back in the day,I was talking with someone about marriage.Josh and I had been married for a few years at that point but this guy was still single. ..

He told me he was studying to get his masters in counseling and he wanted to be a marriage counselor one day.I thought "Hey that's pretty cool" but, curious,because,you know, he was single. 

Anyway, after we'd been talking a few minutes about our interest in helping married couples, he leaned in and said, "You know, I have this theory on marriage.." "Oh yeah?" I said (pretty curious to hear what theories this guy had for all of marriage for everyone everywhere). 

He said, "I believe that every single problem in marriage boils down to communication."

At the time, I didn't really know what to say. I'm more of a *reflector* and then I come up with what I wish I had said later.

Here's what I wish I had said: "Um. Yeah I don't think so. I mean sure, communication helps with a lot of issues. But what about selfishness,⠀addiction,⠀past hurt and trauma, etc? Communication will help people work through those issues but they're connected to much deeper issues that concern the heart--not just your communication skills."

We are all broken, very human, beings and when left to our own devices,⠀we don't have all the tools necessary to "fix" ourselves or our spouse's problems. We can talk until we're blue in the face but we just can't fix ourselves. 

What we do need, is to lean on the Creator who made all things good and makes all things new. To understand that we are not the main characters here. The whole world and everything in it points to Christ and His redeeming power. And yes, he often works that out through us and often through communication. But it's not communication that saves marriages. It's Jesus.

I was just thinking about that today and wanted to get it off my chest. What role do you think communication plays?
Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁 Merry Christmas from the Damons! 🎁
So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 So much joy in one photo! Ok, maybe 4 photos 😜 Love my littlest niece, Eva ❤️
Let's hash something out together: what's somethin Let's hash something out together: what's something you do or used to fight about in your marriage/relationship regularly?

Do you feel like the issue is/was pretty cut and dry? 

Or was there an underlying issue that bubbled up in different ways?

Curious to know your thoughts. 

When Josh and I were first married, we fought a lot. We were pretty low-income, didn't have great jobs, and had a wee baby. While our fights were often about the grocery list, the real issue was that we were SCARED. 

Scared of the adult life we had just stepped into. It was kind of like jumping into a puddle you don't think is that deep until after it's too late and now your socks are completely drowning 🚣🏼‍♀️ 

Luckily, though, they dry off over time, don't they?

After lots of learning and working really hard (both at our jobs and relationship) things started to ease up. We started to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and even though we weren't there yet, it gave up hope to carry on together ❤️
Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. O Go on a walk with your spouse before Netflixing. Or if you can't leave the house, sit in the kitchen with a glass of wine. Make time to talk. And make it easier by doing things together. It's so so important ❤️
Top knots over crop tops 😜 Top knots over crop tops 😜
Josh and I have been doing a lot of reading on par Josh and I have been doing a lot of reading on parenting recently and I love so many of the lessons we've been learning on creating structure while also being empathetic to your child's needs. 

One of the concepts that's stuck with me is how we should "sandwich" our criticism or corrections with positive things. Kids can get discouraged pretty easily but we can help make sure they feel reassured and loved by complimenting them and noticing & verbalizing their growth as well. 

So for example, saying, "I'm very proud of you for putting away your toys. I want you to work on not bossing around your sister - I'll be the parent in charge. Ok? But the way you put your clothes in your drawers was great!"

Idk about you but I would love if other adults sandwiched their criticism too 😂

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