Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
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Family, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Toddler · October 20, 2020

5 Healthy Boundaries to Set with Your Kids

There are a lot of different parenting styles out there. If there was a scale, you would probably catch Josh and I right smack in the middle when it comes to strict versus passive parenting. That being said, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting, and even more as our kids get older, it’s that kid’s thrive when they have boundaries. Boundaries not only helped to establish expectations, but they build trust between kids and their parents. 

Here are a few boundaries I think are especially important to set with kids, starting from when they’re young.

Your bed

This is a new one for me and Josh! I’ll admit, we have not been the best in this area. Up until recently, the kids have been allowed to “sneak” into our bed each night, somewhere around 1:00 a.m. (I’m guessing, as I’m usually half conscious when they do). The reason Josh and I haven’t kicked them out sooner is that, to be honest, Josh and I cherish these moments and we know the kids won’t want to do this forever. That, and because they weren’t starting the night in our bed, it wasn’t exactly hurting our intimacy if you know what I mean.

That being said, we get horrible sleep. And getting horrible sleep makes us less productive in the morning. Ok, maybe throughout the whole day. So, we’ve decided to build a boundary around our bed. On Tuesday nights, the kids are allowed to sleep in our bed (and they don’t even have to sneak in). But, the rest of the week, the kids are expected to sleep in their own beds. Or at least in David’s bunk beds. 

Mom & Dad alone time

Going further than just having our bed to ourselves a night, Josh and I are pretty clear with the kids that we need alone time together at night. The way we make this make sense to the kids is by saying that Daddy and I are best friends, and if we want to stay best friends we need to have a loan time together 🤣

Honestly, I’m pretty sure they get it and for the most part they’re able to accept it.

Wording

What I mean by this is that the way the kids talk to us as Mom and Dad is going to be different than the way they talk to their friends. Well we don’t try to be strict simply for the sake of being strict, we do expect them to speak to us in a respectful way. For example, we’re teaching Evy to respond to us with “Yes” or “No, thank you” rather than a “Mm Hmm” or “Mm mmm.” 

This also has to do with how they respond to hearing “No” from us. Do they keep trying to ask for what we just said no to? Do they start whining and stomping their feet? Both of these in it are unacceptable. While we started giving warnings for this type of thing, the kids have by now I heard it from us enough to know what we expect.

One of the downfalls I often witness in parents with their kids is too many warnings and much less follow-through. This is something I’ve definitely been guilty of in the past that I’m trying to work on. What parents need to understand, and what I’ve had to learn myself, is if warnings come without any follow-through, kids will learn that they can push through the warnings and either continue with their poor behavior without any consequences, or even continue with their poor behavior to get what they want.

What’s worse, and what we’ve learned in our adoption training, is that kids respond best when they believe their primary caretakers are competent. And, at the end of the day, kids see consistency and dependability as competency. If kids know they can wear down their primary and caretakers by simply not listening or abiding by warnings, they won’t believe them to be competent or dependable. This doesn’t mean the kids will always take “No” for an answer and be happy about it. But it does mean that they will learn to trust what you say and respect that you mean it.

Self-responsibility

David and Evy are now 6 and 3. And while our expectations of them have changed with their age and level of maturity, we’ve almost always allowed them to feel some level of responsibility. Most recently, we expect them to help here and there with our dog, Rainy, putting laundry away, sometimes helping to put away dishes, and by cleaning up their toys. 

Sure, this practically helps out Josh and I a lot, especially seeing as David is actually surprisingly good at tidying up. But beyond that, it helps the kids understand that what they do affects more than just themselves. If they don’t help clean up their own mess, it means someone else has to, which isn’t particularly fair. Now, of course, as their mom and dad we do spend a lot of our time picking up their messes which is appropriate for moms and dads. But we believe that giving them gradual, age appropriate, responsibility will help them to be empathetic and responsible young adults in the near future. It’s all about helping to develop the kids / young adults / adults we hope for them to be in the future. 

Personal items

Kids are born with the mindset “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.” 

Sometimes as parents, I think moms especially, we feel guilt for not sharing some of the things we enjoy with our kids. The thing is, our kids simply don’t need to be privileged to have all of the same things we do.

For example, Josh and I will have the occasional “cheat night” where we share some ice cream. On a couple occasions, we’ve accidentally left evidence of our cheat night on the kitchen counter after the kids wake up the next morning. They then say something along the lines, “Heyyyyy why didn’t we get ice cream???” To which we reply, “It was Mommy and Daddy’s turn to have a treat.” And that’s about all the explanation they need.

The truth is, the kids eat way more sweets than we do. And we don’t always need to share our sweets with them. Just like we don’t make them share their sweets with us. But this goes further than simply sharing food; it might be special household items, self-care items, maybe even screen time. 

Whatever it is, I think it’s important for our kids to understand that they are not entitled to everything we, as adults, get to do or have. But, we do try to play fair as much as we can. 

What boundaries would you add to the list? Have you established any that have been especially helpful to you and your kids? Share them in the comments below!

In: Family, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Toddler · Tagged: healthy boundaries with kids

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Comments

  1. cabinet-mosobleirc.ru says

    October 30, 2020 at 5:20 pm

    Be on the lookout if your child replaces offline activities he used to enjoy with more screen time, if sleep begins to suffer due to late night tech usage, and if in-person interactions (like having family dinners) get usurped by devices. As with most parenting topics, constant, open communication is key to helping your family reap the benefits of technology without experiencing too many of the negative effects.

    Reply

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
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  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **

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