5 Things men want most in a wife

So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below!

What men want most in a wife

So I know the title of this post says, “5 things men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below!  

A best friend forever

You know, someone who they can itch their butt next to and, though you may judge them a little, you mostly still love them. But seriously though, your husband didn’t marry you to get a new mom (even though you may feel like it some days) and he didn’t marry you just to have someone help with the rent. He married you because he likes you, a lot. Even though, take it from me, marriage isn’t always cake and giggles, it’s nice to live with someone who understands you, knows you, and still likes to be around you. Every Jim needs a Pam. Someone who they can just look at and have her know exactly what is going through his mind.

I miss my husband when he’s not home. When it’s 5 minutes until the end of his shift, I usually text him something like, “COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME.” And that’s not because I’m needy. It’s because I like my husband and I have to spend most of the day away from my favorite person, so I get excited when I know he’s coming home soon.

Sometimes when life gets the best of us, we can easily forget to show our husbands that we still like them. It can be easy to forget to live in the moment, laugh, and chill out when our lives are busy or stressful. Try to remind yourself to be there in the moment with your husband and to not take life too seriously.

A cheerleader

A guy needs someone around to remind him he’s still awesome, especially when his boss, coworkers, and maybe even his friends, say otherwise. That’s not to say that you should tell your husband he’s awesome even after he messes up big time (because that might happen) but everyone needs someone whose opinion about them won’t change even though they had a bad day. We all need someone in our lives to give us the benefit of the doubt, especially during our bad days or when and when we make mistakes. It’s the worst feeling to make a mistake and feel like everyone’s opinion of you is damaged. That’s what bff wives are for: to say, “Yeah, today wasn’t your best day. But I know you and I know you’re still great” Letting your hubby know that you still see the good in him, even on his bad days, will only make him want to show you the good in him more. If that makes sense.

A referee: “FOUL!”

Aka, someone who will call him out

What this DOESN’T mean:

Constantly nagging and telling your hubs that he’s not good enough and needs to be better. It does not mean constantly questioning and insisting on your ideas over his. AND it does not mean holding his past mistakes against him.

What this DOES mean:

Sometimes, when your husband is having an off day and he hasn’t realized it yet, let him know, and let him know that you know he can do better. One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a very good judge of character and he always sees past facades. That being said, sometimes his need to speak truth can get him in trouble. Which is where I come in! There have been many times when I’ve had to remind him that just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said. There will be times when your husband will need you to say, “Hey, that’s not ok and I expect better from you.” Having expectations for your man is a great thing, and consistently holding them accountable is also good. Just make sure you’re on the same page with those expectations. You’ll run into a lot of arguments if your expectations for your spouse are different than the ones he has for himself.

A copilot

If your husband has an idea that you see going terribly wrong down the road, speak up!

I’m all for respecting your hubs and even letting him lead… BUT you have brains in the head of yours and life experiences that he might not have. Both you and your husband have strengths and weaknesses. One of my strengths is being able to manage our finances. One of my husband’s is assuming that everything is always going to just work out when it comes to money. We need each other. I need him to help me not freak out over money, and he needs me to tell him when we really need to not touch our debit cards for a while.

My guess is, you have good ideas and life experiences too helpful to keep to yourself. Your husband didn’t marry a sheep that would follow him blindly off a cliff. He married a smart, useful individual! Cooperatively use your creativity and life experience to help guide each other to make good decisions and steer clear of bad ones.

Hey, read this too: How to talk to your spouse about being healthy

A lover

You know how women need to feel pursued? Yeah, well men need that too. A lot more than you may think, actually. Before I get comments from the 3 nympho’s who will inevitably read this post, I believe that women enjoy sex, just like men. But often times, women have said that while they enjoy sex, they feel as though they could “take it or leave it” most days, and therefore don’t initiate it nearly as much as their husbands would. (Read my post on why I think this tends to happen). My husband and I have a great relationship to where we can talk openly about our expectations and how each other’s actions make us feel. He has told me that it’s very important to him that I initiate every so often. It makes him feel desired and more excited about being intimate together when he knows that it was my idea and that I’m excited about it too.

Face it, it’s hard to really be “intimate” with a lump on the bed. Whether you have to mentally schedule sexy nights, or buy a few more pretty pieces from the lingerie section, try this week to take a couple of steps towards initiating sex more with your spouse (if this is, indeed, something you struggle with. If not, then rock on!).

Has your husband ever told you what he appreciates most about having you for a wife? What are some of your strengths that compliment your husband’s? Leave your comments below and share with a wifey or wifey-to-be friend!

Guys. I have another website called New Kid on The Blog that I made to help people like you create blogs just like this one! Blogging is my favorite and I think you could do it, too! Click the link to start your own blogging adventure!

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72 thoughts on “5 Things men want most in a wife

  1. Logan

    I love this! I agree with every point you made. Sometimes it can be a very fine line between nagging and being a “referee.” That is probably something I need to work on the most.

    1. Julie

      Both myself and my husband do these five things for each other whenever possible. The best compliment I have evet received is when he told me that I have the kindest, purest, most beautiful heart he has come across. I melted when ge said that.

  2. karen

    That best friend part is so true. Having someone who really supports you is key. Being on their team. “Getting” that they and you…and everyone else in the world) make mistakes but to not judge but help and guide and show empathy and love.

  3. Robin Masshole Mommy

    This is a great post. I am so guilty of thinking men are just empty headed lugs who only think about beer, sex, food and football sometimes LOL.

  4. Terri Steffes

    You have some of the best ideas about marriage and relationships. I love your take on the five things men want most in a wife, but I am curious, did you ask your husband?

    1. Debra

      Love your article Chelsea. There is one more that definetly couldn’t hurt to add because it’s just as important as all the others.. #6. Someone to have FUN with. Whether it’s going to a park with a pizza or throwing the Frisbee on a sunny day or going to the bank together, make it fun. Have fun. Laugh together. There’s plenty of laughter and playfunless before marriage. Where does laughter and playful, easy fun go after marriage? He will ALWAYS rush home to you if it’s more FUN to be home than anywhere else in the world. Life is serious enough. Don’t forget to nurture the kid in you and PLAY together !!

      1. Kim

        If you go back up to the top of the article you will see that she says these might be more of what they need than what they actually want. Also, she is a female writer, but regardless of that, each one is true in most relationships.

      2. Nalani Nieto-Johnson

        Not true my husband and I discuss this stuff all the time. This list is very accurate. I asked my husband why he felt he wanted to marry me after he proposed, just to know, and he stated all of the above. I support him, give him strength to keep moving forward in life, I’m his best friend and we think alike (we’re on the same page most of the time).It came from him not me. And if we need to talk we will. When I’m away for the weekend because of work he misses me, and I miss him.

      3. Earl Schandelmeier

        As a man, mans man even, these five things are in my opinion completely dead on. Honestly I know she has a great relationship because she’s in my mind and definitely understands her husband.

  5. Rachel Langer

    Sometimes men are just so different from women it is so hard to figure them out! I often have to remind myself that my husband’s brain doesn’t work the same as mine.

  6. Amanda Love

    I would agree, these are what men want in general. Like us, they need someone who guides and supports them and calls them out when needed. It’s basically what we all need in a partner.

    1. Joye

      I will agree with that comment but its starts as kids when a little girl falls they get affection and comforted. But in the same scenario if it’s a little boy and he falls down he gets told to man up and not cry. that’s why women think men don’t have feelings cause I told her to stop it when they were kids and they grow up that way and women are allowed to feel their feelings no wonder we’re all screwed up

  7. Lindsey Paris

    Word on the Chris Hemsworth. LOL My husband has taken to working out with Arnold’s program, and now he is so muscular! I remember to root him on, because it’s not always easy on leg day 🙂

  8. tp keane

    I think women forget that men are different animals. They place more importance on the physical side than women. They’re also more old-school romantic than we give them credit for… at least the ones I know.

  9. Vicky

    I have found for my husband the key thing is respect. The more respect I give him, the more he blooms. Lots of good points here – I found the book Love and Respect to be really helpful about men and women’s needs.

  10. Rachel

    Some good points. I don;t know that my husband would feel the need to have me be all these things though. It’s great if you guys have this and it works!

  11. Kori

    I think these are definitely good qualities to look for in a significant other or spouse. I know at least, for me, having someone that I can trust explicitly is important. And I have that with my s/o 🙂 He’s great!

  12. Brittany

    I love what you say about the cheerleader. It’s so true. Our husband’s need someone to cheer them on during their best and worst times. I think we can sometimes forget how much they need it.

  13. Terryn Winfield

    I can’t get enough of your blog Chelsea! I think I already have this pinned to my marriage board 🙂 We have been married for quite awhile, but it was only recently that I began to really take a hard look at how I could be a better wife. Your words provide needed encouragement!

  14. Tami

    Awesome post! I love reading your relationship posts because you’re my favorite blogger about this topic. 😀 I especially like the first one (a best friend) because I think it’s important that we show our husbands that we truly enjoy them, and have fun with them. That’s one of my favorite parts about marriage; the closeness and friendship that come along with being in love with someone. 🙂

  15. Paula

    These are all great things, and I think any relationship can benefit from the reminders. It’s so important to know you always have someone in your corner.

  16. stephanie clark

    These are great things to think about in a relationship. Good for you for putting this much thought into this and sharing with others!

  17. arin

    i love this post — especially the ‘cheerleader’ // my husband is an entrepreneur and i need to work on being on his team a little more often. thanks for the reminder! xx

  18. Jay

    I believe a husband wants to feel like he is still you knight is shinning armour, your protector. Allow your husband to feel proud that he is a provider for his family and he is needed. We all like to feel important in our lives. Opening a bottle of ketchup or changing the tire on the car, it all ads up to being needed, wanted and loved.

  19. Lori Colleen Aranda

    I agree with all of this but when is it the husband’s turn to lift the wife up? My husband and I have been together 10 years and married for almost 6 and things have been rough but there has never been a time that I have been number 1 … I have put everything aside for him and our son and it seems to just not matter

    1. Anne

      This post is about what men need in a wife, but she says in almost every point that women need these things from your spouse too. You should both value and support each other equally. I’m sorry you feel your stuck in a marriageIf where you’re not receiving love or respect. Unfortunately, he won’t change on his own. You probably need to talk to him. If that doesn’t or hasn’t worked, you should probably seek the help of a therapist or counselor. The book “Boundaries” might also help you.

    2. Jess

      You should let him know. I just decided to become a communications major, and one of the things we learn is that sometimes we just need to speak up (in a kind way, not pointing fingers) and let him know. A lot of the time they don’t know they are doing it, and would be willing to work on it. You should also both take the love language test. Maybe he’s expressing love, but it’s not in the way you receive love best. It’s so helpful to know how you receive and how you give love so you can alter your way of showing support in the best way possible for that person. Alright, I’m done being all preachy. Good luck, and don’t forget you are awesome and deserve to number 1 too!!!!

  20. Charlie

    I love mine, and I’m one of those women who loves sex, but my man always turns me down. I’ve dressed up I’ve sent pics. I get the… I’m tired. It’s like I’m the male and he’s the female.

    1. Patti Trapp

      Sometimes a man has difficulty with sex and has “failed attempts ” its a blow to his ego and would rather say no than feel like he’s a disappointment to you. Don’t give up but sometimes it’s better to change your approach.

    2. Lauralee

      I dealt with this for YEAS. We were best friends, but more platonic. Affectionate, but not sexual. He was unable and I felt like a repulsive failure. It was the demise of our 28-year marriage.

      1. Debra

        So you dumped him because his sex drive did not match yours?? Destroy a marriage of 28 years because not enough sex… How selfish is that? Maybe he had some health problems that needed addressed. Wow I am so sick of this scenario… Marriage is suppose to be a lifetime commitment. Now if you said he beat you, verbally abused you, I could understand. But a 28 year old marriage going up in smoke because one life-mate can’t preform like a sex appliance… You know like the dishwasher you loved when you bought it. Now it is old and does not work the way you expect it too anymore… So throw it away and get a new one. We are talking about a human being here….

        1. Nicole

          Don’t forget, Debra, sex is also about intimacy and deepening marital bonds. If one cannot connect with their partner on an intimate, visceral level over the course of 28 years, it would begin to impact your self-esteem. That being said, I don’t have these issues in my marriage, but I can compassionate with how this woman feels. Look beyond yourself to see that she too is “a human being.”

    3. Raya Porter

      We’re in the same boat! See my comment. The reason I say not sure if we’ll make it is not because I’m a Debbie Downer but after all these years of rejection it’s a spirit crusher & I’d love to be 1 of those ladies who gets ‘chased around the house’. & yes I’m fit (I’m a Pilates instructor!) & yes wear makeup etc 🙂

  21. Kris

    Fine if your husband values you ie comes home in time for a family meal and doesn’t clain the weekend as their own as they feel entitled.How does one respond to that ?!

  22. Arthur

    As I read the posts coming from women, on a nutshell, we are very basic creatures….As a Man in his fifties, although I’ve aged, the basic premise for me dealing with women hasn’t changed:
    UNCONDITIONAL LOVE……This allows a man to be all he can be for women….Being non – judgemental also works…….I find myself being drawn to women who understands this premise…..

  23. Tara

    I just stumbled upon this blog and love it – especially this post. I love knowing that other women love their husbands the way I do. He truly is my best friend and I hate being away from him EVER… Sometimes life gets busy and stressful though and this was a good reminder of what really matters…

  24. Hannah

    My husband and I are both huge worriers. While I tend to be more vocal about my worries and try to work through them/make a game plan to deal with the things with in my control, my husband is more of the, “cross that bridge when you come to it” type. His attitude is extremely helpful when I’m super wrapped up in worrying about things that are either outside my control (and may not even happen) or things that are so far in the future that I have other more pressing things to worry about. But, sometimes my ability to plan ahead and strategize is useful. Often times, my husband will push his worries to the side over and over again until everything bursts to the surface and we have a full on worry crisis in our hands. Whether it’s paying bills or finishing up assignments (recently went back to school) sometimes he needs me to jump in and make a schedule for working or a plan for paying down our credit card. My husband grew up an only child with a very overbearing mother so he was never really aloud to do things for himself. So sometimes, my over independence and need for planning/control gets a bit out of hand which is something I definitely need to work on. For example, when we first met, he had no clue how to do anything in the kitchen, and now, three years into our marriage, he can cook a few meals and isn’t afraid to hop in and season or stir or check for some was when I’m busy. I think sometimes I forget how far he’s come and how independent he can be and I feel the need to jump in right away.

  25. Laura

    I’m the only one who did not like this article. I am not a “Cheerleader”. I don’t get how women need to “be the supporters and cheerleaders” in relationships. I support my boyfriend, doesn’t mean I am going to bring out the pep and metaphorical pom-poms. I can also spend time away from him, and be my own person. “Every Jim needs a Pam”. Yeah, I am far too busy to know exactly what is on his mind, or quote TV. Who does? who can honestly say they know what the other is feeling or thinking? I talk to my boyfriend, He sometimes gets on my nerves. It’s normal. I am not about to roll out the red carpet and be that bouncy girl who yells “Come home!” like some poodle. I am his lover. I am his other half. I did not apply for the “job” of marriage, or a relationship. I fell in love, and respect him like he respects me.

    Jumping around saying “Come home!” every 5 minutes? don’t you women work? or have grown past age 17?

  26. Emma

    A wife who is confident. Confident in who she is. and what she wants. My husband tells me that is attracted to me when I am confident. When I’m not holding back. When I am just simply being me.

  27. Robi

    I was hesitate to open the post because of the title – thinking it will be too sappy and one sided. I agree with some points…but not 100%. Best friend- at times..yes it’s great we have each other and can discuss things but 1/2 the time he has no clue after 24 years what I’m thinking or maybe feeling until I literally tell him. COpilit- definitely! We all need encouragement when things are not going well but it’s a 2 way street. We are all individuals first- so you need to take care of yourself first and then others. I learned that the hard way. Give, give ,give and nothing in return. We all need our alone time, couples time and family time. It’s just healthy that way.. Even weekend getaways with friends to be “you” again without family stress. When you come back – you feel recharged, they ( family) appreciate what you do for them a daily bases.
    Every couple is different…find what works …and re- check in with husband to get on the same page when you just feel like roommates!!!

  28. Peka

    I love this article. These points are so right for a healthy relationship. One thing I have trouble with is that I feel like I do these things and rearely if ever get them done for me. In the Lover section… what if in my relationship I am the only one who initiates and lately those attempts have been rejected leaving me hurt and dejected? He has been to the doctor and they say there is no cause to worry about cancer, that his testosterone levels are good and I have witnessed that physiologically things are working but gen just doesn’t desire it at all.
    I feel a little lost.

  29. Anita

    My husband wanted me to be his buddy! Participate in his hobbies. He taught me ( in a tree) to hit a target deer and used to take me on his hunting trips. The fake deer was easy to shoot in the kill zone, but I found that the real ones were safe from me!! He was always so proud to tell his friends about my target shooting abilities.

  30. Susanne

    Great read!! I know everything is true and the way a marriage should be. But honestly, all my husband thinks about is sex. When that’s absent, there’s nothing else…..I dont understand why he doesn’t need the other things here….

  31. Dianne

    I’ve just started reading some of your articles, and I think you’re terrific! You are upbeat without being sappy, realistic and just seem to ‘get it’. I’ve sent a couple of your articles to my daughter, not to give advice necessarily, but to share a common thread. I’m a 56 year old retired nurse, happy second marriage, four grown kids,a granddaughter I ADORE and a boy on the way! My husband and I are only married 6 years, so we’re still fumbling. 🙂 Just sharing that I’m enjoying your work, and your writing style. Peace.

  32. Loolee

    You are absolutely Right.. I will try to be just like that with my Husband .. I do it actually, but I eill tryto do it better

  33. Dawn

    This all makes perfect sense, however I am not married, I’m divorced. I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and applied all of these elements to my relationship, I would say our relationship was pretty great. He would tell me how fantastic, generous, and loving i was and how greatful he was to have me. Then all of a sudden he says something is missing, were not moving forward, and breaks up with me. I’m still processing because we had a pretty wonderful relationship….each others best friend, hardly ever argued, my children really liked him and his children and vise versa, a lot of common interests. So, if your doing all these things what would prompt a sudden breakup? Sorry, just trying to understand.

  34. Sara

    He says he feels most loved when I dress up. He sweetly added that I don’t need make up but it made him feel loved when I took the time to go the extra mile for him.

  35. Loretta

    I think loyalty and communication should be apart of this as well. No I’m not married but I know I’d appreciate both these in my spouse! Loyalty because it’s going to be times when no one has your back but your partner. And communication is important because if we aren’t talking about any and almost everything I don’t see how we can function together and that’s from daily life to your sex life. Just my 2 pennies loved the article by the way!

  36. Raya Porter

    Lol, I’m one of those 3 nymphos!:) but my husband also has a very low sex drive so….I really enjoyed this post, I’m in a difficult marriage that requires a LOT of work, I’m not sure if we’ll make it (made it 15 yrs so far) but I will be taking some of these tips & trying to apply them thanks

  37. Gaytri Rampersad Johnson

    Great article!
    Thank you for reminding my that I too have to initiate the love making in my marriage.
    Sometimes as women, it’s easier to just curl up in bed after a long day and dive straight into dream land.
    And I am going to check out your link for new bloggers since that is a passion that I have committed to pursing this year!

    Yours in blogging,


  38. Kylie

    My husband says what he loves most and needs from me is the look i give him first thing in the morning and at the end of every night, the same look i gave him when we meet in 2007
    Also my hard headed stubborn stand my ground attitude, he is a very spontaneous person who lives in the moment and he loves when I tell him no to things and remind him of what needs to be done before the extra stuff
    That he loves and needs me to just stay me, bc he fell in love with the goofy stubborn 16 year old girl and loves that I am still that goofy stubborn 25 year old woman.

  39. Judye

    Hi Chelsea – I just stumbled onto your site today and have to say that I really liked what you wrote. I think you are on point about those shared needs in a truly wonderful relationship. I also love your heart for wanting to help women to have wonderful marriages!

    A second marriage for both of us, my husband and I have been married coming up on 29 years. I am 57 and he is 60. We have 5 children (2 from his former marriage and 3 from ours) of which the oldest is 36, married with 2 young children, and the youngest is 18 and a freshmen in college. When we met 30 years ago we fell hard in love, were clearly soulmates, and instantly became inseparable. Time apart was agony. However, the years between then and now have been an incredible rollercoaster ride with much laughter, but also much pain and agony. I often say that many families live in black in white, but our family lives only in technicolor!!! It is only through God’s amazing grace and mercy that we are still together.

    You see, when we met, we both came into the relationship with some huge baggage. I secretly and shamefully had had an eating disorder (bulimia/anorexia) since I was 13 years old; and he was an alcoholic, pothead, and had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, anxiety and depression. But when you are living off the endorphins of new love, the downsides of those other types of things are easy to control. I, of course, was too afraid to reveal my secret and naively continued to think that it wouldn’t matter. My husband was rather oblivious of his problems since together we enjoyed drinking and partying at that time. Our life together rolled forward. Through the years of raising our family we dealt with so many issues related to my husband and all children having ADHD, my one son having alcohol and drug addictions, struggles with the traditional school setting, my husband’s alcohol treatment and then restarting to drink again, DWI’s, another son’s computer addiction, and on and on. Overarching everything, though, was the fact that I still had my secret eating disorder. What I didn’t realize at the time was, what I thought had little impact on others actually had a huge impact on all my important relationships. I was the primary breadwinner, and though I felt like I desperately wanted medical help, I saw no way out. Our life was spinning totally out of control and I truly had no idea what to do to fix it. As a Christian, I had been praying for help for long time. God finally did for me what I could not do myself. He forced the truth out through my husband so that I could not lie to him. It was March 2005, I was immediately hospitalized, and this was the tipping point of my life.

    I was so worn out from my life that I just wanted freedom. I saw this as getting a divorce. I started down that path with absolute clarity, but rather abruptly God changed my heart and my husband and I reunited. This time, though, we were coming together without the secrets and lies. It has not been easy rebuilding our marriage. But one huge difference for me is that God has been leading my way. I gave up alcohol 10 years ago, but my husband continued to have a problem. In these last 10 years I have loved my husband, have been committed and faithful to him, but have often found it difficult to respect and like him. However, I have prayed that God would change my heart, that he would change my husband’s heart, take the thirst of alcohol away from him, and help us find our life together again. It has been a journey of love, patience, and faith, but God has answered our prayers. Although it took a final DWI, he did stop drinking 3 years ago. During this last year he has allowed God to really start working in his life and it has been amazing to see the difference in him, and he finally was able to stopped smoking cigarettes a month ago.

    For the first time in so many years I am filled with such hope and excitement about our future together. It feels like those first years of being together. I finally want to be with him again. I feel like I am falling in love with my husband all over again. I am so excited to finally have my best friend back, be able to look at him and want to initiate an intimate moment, be able to talk about things without it turning into a fight. All the things you mentioned in your article. For me, it all boils down to this….. on our own things can be impossible, but through God, all things are possible! I must give credit where credit is due.


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