So as much as I have a love and desire to help women grow, and become totally secure in themselves, I kind of tend to get my insecure on when I’m out and about, in the gym, or just scrolling through social media. Why is that?? Here are some of the top ways I find myself comparing myself to other women. Maybe you can relate…
1 Body
Yeah, you knew this was going to be on this list. I couldn’t leave it out. This may be just a personal issue but.. you know what I’m doing the whole time I’m in the gym? Looking at the other girls. And if I’m with my husband, I look to see if he notices them too. Even though I know he only has eyes for me and he’s extremely loyal and loves me, I still wonder if he notices how much more weight they can squat than I can. Or the girl that naturally has thinner thighs than me. I kind of want to pin her down and force feed her Krispy Kreams.
2 How “fun” we are
Are the loudest girls really having the most fun? Extroverted girls, you are awesome. The world needs you. Without you the world would be a much more boring place. But for quieter girls like me, I tend to feel like i am way less likely to be liked and accepted by others simply because I’m more of a “listener” rather than a “talker.” I find myself wishing all the time that I were more outgoing, that I didn’t have to think so much before I spoke, or that my words actually made as much sense coming out of my mouth as they do in my head. But the truth is, the world needs both types. We need talkers and listeners. And we’re both great for different things.
3 The most instagram-worthy homes, or cappuccinos, or hair
So every family has their own dynamic and every couple will have spoken or unspoken responsibilities. I work part time and my husband works full time and has long shifts. So most of the the cooking and cleaning is up to me. I don’t mind. If cooking was up to him, our diets would consist of cereal and PBnJ’s. Anyway, aside from being a mom, employee, blogger, and 10 other random things, I tend to think that everyone is just as, if not more, busy as me. So why isn’t my home as cutely decorated or as clean as theirs? I don’t know. Probably because I spend too much time writing and pretending the laundry pile isn’t there. The fact of the matter is, most people don’t have “minimalistic” homes. Or the energy to wake up 2 hours ahead of time in the morning to curl their hair. Or the time of day to sit down in a coffee boutique that makes a cappuccino look like art.
4 How “put-together” you are
Ever meet up with a friend and they say, “WOW girl you look great! How do you do it all?” Maybe… like once in my life? And I usually end up feeling guilty for the lie I let them believe. The truth is, that morning I let my child play in his high chair for a few extra minutes while I managed to put on some mascara and get my hair done in the same day. I’m so glad that “beachy” waves are ‘in’ because it’s a wonderful disguise for not washing your hair in 3 days.
5 Husband competition
You know the feeling you get of jealousy and a tid bit of embarrassment when your friend posts that picture of the romantic date night their boyfriend or husband planned for them while hearing yours play video games in the background? Yeah, me too. But you know what you’ll do the next time your significant other does something remotely sweet? Blow it up on social media and make all the other ladies jealous of your thriving love life. It’s ok, I’ve done it, you’ve probably done it. And it’s great to talk up your spouse in front of others. It really does miracles for their morale. But when you’re looking at those photos depicting the Disney-esque-ness of your friend’s love life, remember the last time you posted the pic of that bouquet and remember that there’s quite likely a more realistic, less rose-colored reality behind that Instagram pic.
6 How exciting/interesting/adventurous your life is
This goes back to instagram too. Funny how that is. What we need to remember is that no one posts about how they spent over an hour in an over crowded grocery store. Or at least we don’t tend to follow the people who do. We like to follow the people whose lives seem exciting, and then we put pressure on ourselves to make our own lives seem way more exciting/interesting/adventurous than they really might be. By all means, go out and enjoy life! But try your best to leave the competition at home.
So what do all these comparisons come down to? Peacocking.
Not really, but kind of.
We want to be the best to attract the best. We’re worried about being attractive to other people; being well-liked. Desiring respect isn’t just a man’s issue. Women want to be respected as well. When I first started Living the Sweet Wife, I wanted to keep it as much of a secret as possible until I gained some “success.” I didn’t tell my friends, my coworkers, I rarely even talked about it with my husband- at first. I was afraid that even though it was just starting, it would be seen as silly and not taken seriously by anyone.
We can fall so easily into the trap of comparing ourselves to others that our lives become all about how they’re represented on social media rather than actually simply enjoying the little things in life. I’ve caught myself many times trying to get a super cute snapchat of my son and then realize that I’m kind of ignoring him in my attempt to show all my friends how cute he is….
Yes, share the memories, share the beautiful moments, but remember that not everyone’s life is as glamorous as it seems, and yours doesn’t have to be either. Live in the moment and make the most of the time you have with the people you love!
I really liked this – it’s interesting how girls compare to each other in different ways. I mean I knew you did that but it’s really nice to get a females snapshot perspective. Number 2 was great. You’ll find the listeners to be the best ever! Because you listeners sit a dissect us. You let us boom our ego out, and you sit there and take it all in. Yet because you’ve listened intently you know exactly how to play to our strengths! Whereas loud, fun girls shout over us!
Ahh. Don’t we all love social media? You’ll find the biggest sharers of their “super-romantic” lifestyle and awesomely super clean house do it to distract themselves from how empty they really feel. Everyone has a story, and nothing is perfect. But you knew that anyway 🙂
This may be a title for my next post – how men compare themselves to each other because we do it SO differently lol
Comparison is the thief of joy. Whenever I start to fall into that trap, I remind myself of those true words. It’s hard those! Especially as women, comparing ourselves and our lives to those of others is just a natural response.
I don’t pay too much attention to women who like to compare so much… I am true to myself and hope that others around me are the same. I distance myself from women who like to gossip about others – not my style.
I do this a lot unfortunately, but I would never compare my husband to another man. It’s more about me really and what makes my different.
Ugh, I can relate way more than I’d care to admit, but it’s so true! As women we need to learn to be confident in who we are and STOP the comparison!
I am an elementary school counselor, and I see this all the way down to kindergarten. I believe in awareness. If you are aware that you do those things, you should work on changing your thoughts. One way or another, we all compare, but I really try to highlight those things about others that I admire. Rather than comparing, I encourage and draw attention to those things/work on the things I need to for myself. This article was so well written and true about so many different things. 🙂 Great job, girlie!
I think women in general are so bad about comparing themselves to other women. It’s like this innate nature we have and we don’t even realize it. When I see something that makes me jealous or wish I had some aspect of their lives, I just have to remember all the things I DO have in my life!
I’m guilty of doing all of these at some point. I think all women struggle with insecurity here and there but as long as we don’t dwell on it and support each other we can make it through it! It does make me feel better when I hear I’m not the only one so thank you!
The comparison trap is the worst thing! I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes when I’m scrolling through my instagram feed and see all the fun things my single friends are doing. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side.
I am so guilty of all of these. Isn’t it funny how we as women get sucked into doing this to ourselves? What I seem to have a hard time remembering is that what I see on the outside isn’t necessarily what’s going on on the inside. Definitely grass is greener syndrome.
Why do we as women put ourselves thru this? I’m guilty of all of them. I’ve been struggling with #2 but for me I wish I could listen more and talk less. I wish I could think more before I speak. Think about how my words could do more harm then good to the person hearing them. It’s a slow process but I’m realizing I don’t need to voice my opinion or thoughts about everything. That less is more.
Yes yes yes! I always say that comparison is the thief of joy. I have to stop and remind myself that the gifts I’ve been given are good and fun and wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing!
I realized that if I sit and compare myself to other women and mamas it makes me think I am worthless. Honestly. I miss out on my precious moments I am given because I am obsessing over what this mama has, that mama’s house, or how put together another mama is. “/
My cousin and I were just talking about the insecurities women have and why insecure men sometimes frustrate us and we named pretty much everything you’ve listed about women lol! I’m always trying to “kill” the “highlight reel” that we see on social media platforms like instagram because that’s not real life (well for me it isn’t lol). Being in society that is so visually obsessed, #3 is one that I see many women struggling with in regards to comparison.
So true! I usually thunk about how cool others are. Should really stop doing that!
So true! I usually think about how cool others are. Should really stop doing that!
So true! Social media makes it so much worse. “Comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your bloopers reel” pretty much sums up the whole scheme of social media. It can be depressing!
I tend to compare myself to people I watch on YouTube/tv. It’s soo bad, I know it.
Hello there! This article could not be written much better!
Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
He continually kept preaching about this. I will
send this post to him. Fairly certain he’s going to have a very good read.
Many thanks for sharing!
I definitely compare myself to other women by my body and how outgoing other girls are. I completely agree with you with the “how fun we are” portion, I’m the exact same way and I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels insecure in situations with very outgoing girls. I was in one of those situations the other weekend while hanging out with my boyfriends friends and their girlfriends. Those girls were loud and appeared to be having a “blast”! I hadn’t met them before so I was even more shy and laid back then normal. I usually get louder when I’m with my close friends but with people I’m not close to- I tend to be shy and just listen. My boyfriend kept asking whether I was okay or not which I was, but that kind of made it feel worse so I definitely felt insecure about my demeanor and kept wondering why I can’t be more like those girls. Its hard to come to the realization that I’m not like them and that it is okay to not be like them. Like you said the world needs both types! Great post by the way, I’m pretty sure I can relate to all of those!
i think this is a topic everyone can relate to…and i feel like the comparison is different in each stage of life. back in college, it was all about who partied/was popular…and now im at a phase where its all about perfect marriage and kids and having it all..oh and dont even get me started on IG coffee and perfect house.
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Oh my gosh, yes to all of these! It’s so crazy that women do this. Instagram photos are so not real life!
Comparison is really the thief of joy. It’s toxic! It boils down to insecurities, and we just owe ourselves better! We’ve gotta stop ourselves in our tracks and nix the comparisons. It’s too easy to let them ruin us!
Coming Up Roses
I notice a lot of this has to do with social media! Social media is amazing but can also be an enemy!
Yes, yes, and yes! It is so hard not to compare sometimes, but the truth is that the majority of us only show one side of our lives when we are telling stories. Unless we are talking to someone who we are very close with, we usually don’t complain or show our imperfections. Reality is that we are all imperfect and you never know what is going on in someone else’s life. Awesome post! I nominated you for a Liebster Award! I would love it if you would accept and take part (if you haven’t already). Here is my link. http://www.mommywantscoffee.com/mommy-wants-coffee-gets-a-liebster-award/
I really liked reading this blog post! I find that I compare myself to others a lot. The points you made were really good! Thank you for sharing this!
Really good point of what a woman compares themselves to others. thanks for sharing the information.