Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
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Life & Finances, Marriage, Relationships, Work · March 26, 2016

How to SPEAK UP and be CONFIDENT in relationships!

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself wondering how you get yourself into awkward and weird or difficult situations? It might be at work, with friends, family. And then you find yourself dreading having to that awkward or hard conversation?

How to be confident & speak your mind in relationships

Do you ever get frustrated with yourself wondering how you get yourself into awkward and weird or difficult situations? It might be at work, with friends, family. And then you find yourself dreading having to that awkward or hard conversation?

Today I wanted to talk to you all about the issue of being afraid to speak up. This isn’t just for the married folk, (although it can be super helpful for you guys, too!) but for relationships in general. If you want to get the background on my own transformation from being a timid introvert to a confident introvert, read this post I wrote a few months ago: How to be an Introvert AND Great with People.

It’s only as awkward as you make it

What I’ve seen wayyyy too many times is someone coming to me (both on the blog and in person) asking me how to handle their difficult or awkward situation. They will come to me, give me the lowdown, and then ask, “So what should I say to them?”

And then I ask, “Well… why don’t you tell them what you told me?”

The thing is, I think we tend to psych ourselves out way too much over the perfect words to say or the fact that the situation is awkward. Here are a couple tips on how to get through an awkward conversation:

  1. Admit the awkwardness. It’ll only be worse if you try to ignore it. Say something like, “So this might be awkward, but I really don’t want it to be.” Or, “I don’t know if this is weird, I don’t really think it is, but…”
  2. Play off the awkward. This might sound contradictory to my last point, but it’s not. Here’s why: Just as in my examples above, I admit the awkwardness, but I quickly move past it to get to the issue. Admitting to the awkwardness of the situation won’t magically make it go away. You’ll have to show that the weirdness doesn’t phase you, and you’re just trying to get to the bottom of the issue.
  3. Make the conversation short and sweet. And I mean that literally. Be sure to make your point, let the other person be heard, be kind, and then resolve the issue without dragging it out as best you can. A hugely easy way to get past awkward conversations is to quickly address the issue, don’t make it a big deal, be honest, and then moooove on!

Ask them what they’re thinking

Many times we can totally psyche ourselves out by just assuming the worst! Here’s a conversation I had at my work just yesterday:

My coworker/supervisor was telling me some changes she’d like to see around the office and how she’d looking to crack down on some office policies/what-have-you this spring. The old me would have thought, “Oh gosh, she’s implying that I’m totally failing at my job and she secretly hates me.” BUT the new me said “Ok great! Are there any areas that you think I could work on specifically?”

See instead of assuming that she thought I was failing at my job, I asked her what she thought I could do better. That way I know exactly what she’s thinking and what her expectations are. Not to mention it shows that I care about my job and want to do it well!


This doesn’t just apply to work, either!

I ask my husband the same question, and he asks me, too! We also ask, “How could I have done that better?” Knowing what someone is thinking and knowing their exact expectations takes so much anxiety out of tons of would-be difficult situations! It also shows that you care about the other person’s thoughts and expectations which says a lot about your character and honestly- it just makes you look good 🙂

This step can be kind of scary, because you’re making yourself vulnerable to criticism, but if your aim is to improve, and if you’re in a relationship that is safe, it can only be constructive! I’ve heard some answers before that have stung a little but, but looking back, hearing those answers have allowed me to improve as a person, wife, and employee! Lots of times you’ll receive good feedback too!

Be open from the beginning

Here’s one way to avoid step 1 altogether! Just like how knowing the other person’s expectations is important, it’s just as important that they know your expectations! Here’s an example of how this can go terribly wrong, although you can probably think of your own!

You get a new job. Your hours are set, 9-5 but it doesn’t take long for your boss to start asking you to stay late to work on projects around the office. At first you let it go, thinking you just got this job and you kinda just want to to what it takes to be well-liked, even if that means sucking up a little and staying late when you don’t have to. Eventually, giving you extra work at the end of the day becomes a habit and you become resentful towards your boss and you think, “This is not what I signed up for…”.

What you could have is, after the first time your boss asked you to work late, tell them that you want to work on the projects, but you have obligations at home and you really need to leave when the workday is over. If you find yourself too far gone and you’re in the point of resenting your boss and workplace, it’s time to have that awkward/not so awkward conversation in step 1.

Knowing that that person has a set standard of values/morals/expectations

This is important when it comes to confrontational situations. Argh those can be the hardest ones to deal with… I actually wrote a whole post on how to get the best out of confrontation here! Ideally, your goal in confrontation should be to bring a person back to an agreed upon set of morals/values/expectations. For Christians, we use the Bible and Christ’s life to set our expectations. Others will have their own set of morals and expectations. The things you’ll have to realize is, the confrontation will never work if their morals/values/expectations are not the same as the ones you’re holding them to. You first need to agree on your expectations, and when they wander away from those, then you can confront.

I can’t say enough how important is is to show that you care about the person you’re confronting. Showing them that you care will completely change the way the conversation goes. Also, it should be very clear that your motives are to help, rather than make a point. That being said, knowing that that person in your life is not living up to expectations can give a lot of confidence to say what needs to be said.

Here’s an example of how that can go in a personal relationship:

Your significant other comes home from work and is grumpy and frankly, kind of just being a butt from the get go. To address this, you can say something like, “Hey, maybe you had a hard day at work today, in which case I’m sure you might be stressed out, but it’s really not ok to come home and act like this. If you need some time alone that’s fine. Or if you want to talk about it, I’m here too. But let’s check the attitude at the door.” Maybe phrase that last part a little nicer. Up to you.

A key point is to not assume that the person you’re confronting is simply an awful person. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask yourself, or them, why they’re acting the way they’re acting. Knowing some background can make all the difference in how you react to someone’s bad attitude or hurtful actions. Once you’ve done that, be sure to follow through and address the problem. Don’t give excuses for why they’re acting the way they’re acting. Sadly, I see this in a lot of manipulative and/or abusive relationships. The partner will always find an excuse for their significant other’s actions. Instead, after you give them the benefit of the doubt and put their attitude into context, address the issue and remind them of the values and the standards you both agree on. Don’t be afraid to hold them to a standard and don’t lower the bar. Yes, forgive. Yes, be kind. But always look to restore and fix where they missed the mark.

Well, I hope this helps some of you awkward people like me out there! Let me know your anti-awkward advice in the comments below and share this post with an awkward friend!

script sig

How to SPEAK UP and be CONFIDENT in relationships

In: Life & Finances, Marriage, Relationships, Work · Tagged: awkward, brave, confidence, confident, confrontation, conversation, expectations, honest, listen, marriage, morals, Relationships, speak, speak up, Work

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Comments

  1. Melody says

    March 27, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    These are really great tips making my friend read this asap.
    http://sheismelrose.net/

    Reply
  2. Kristin says

    October 19, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    Great article, Chelsea! I wish people (myself included) would incorporate these into their daily decisions more often. It’s amazing how much smoother things go when you address awkward situations and conflicts this way.

    Reply
  3. Alyssa Nicole says

    November 26, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    This is so perfectly timed. My Fiance is not my favorite person right now because of some issues with communication and respecting my feelings – I’m the kind of person who is terrified of confronting him because I don’t want to fight but at the same time, I feel like going crazy when I can’t get the things I need from our relationship. I’m going to check out the confrontation link you had too. I’m hoping these will help me figure out how to best bring up everything with him. Your blog is amazing. <3

    Reply
  4. Dawn Vinson says

    December 29, 2016 at 2:38 pm

    I love this article! It is so empowering for people who HATE confrontation and have a hard time standing up for themselves. These are great strategies for all of our relationships.

    Reply
  5. Shimonkepha says

    September 1, 2017 at 5:37 am

    Great article.
    I love this. Thanks

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️

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Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. Yesterday morning we had no plans for our weekend. But somehow we woke up in Savannah, GA this morning 🌅 The 4 of us piled into a one-bed hotel room (pretty much like real life 🙄) and Josh and I hung out in the lobby while the kids slept. This morning we explored down by the river and then headed up to Hilton Head since we'd never been. Then by 3 pm, we were headed home again! Love having people who will go on 24 hour adventures with me 🔥
• To be stronger • To feel better • To trai • To be stronger
• To feel better 
• To train my mind to know that hard things are good things
• To set an example 
• For longevity
• To get out of the house 
• To start the day on the right foot
• To listen to good music for a little while
• To have productive alone time

I just wanted to list a few "Why"s in case you were having a hard time finding yours today. Goodness knows I struggle some days but usually one of these pulls through for me ❤️

@nakd.sport
It might be a couple years later, but we're doing It might be a couple years later, but we're doing the same old stuff still today ☺️❤️
My Valentines 💘 #happyvalentinesday❤️ My Valentines 💘

#happyvalentinesday❤️
How many kids did you say you wanted growing up an How many kids did you say you wanted growing up and how many do you have (or hope for) now? Growing up I used to say I wanted 6 kids 😭💀💀 Love these babes but let's just say I have a new perspective these days 😂
The best sandles are the ones you can paint your n The best sandles are the ones you can paint your nails in 5 minutes after you should have already left 😂💅

@naotfootwear is one of my favorite all time brands for many reasons, but one of the best is the fact that when you purchase any shoe from naot.com, the order is fulfilled by the closest independent retailer to you. How genius is that?? #shopsmall #naottogether #naotic
Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has Ok well by the time I'm posting this our snow has already melted but the kids woke up to the best surprise today! ❄️❄️
Healthy habits > motivation Yeh? This seamless se Healthy habits > motivation
Yeh?

This seamless set that moves everywhere you do is called The Braden by @nakd.sport 🖤
#ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity #ad I love to pack @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink powder mix in my bag to have on the go. The elderberry drink has vitamin C, vitamin d, and zinc plus the power of 300 elderberries to help increase my immune cell production and activation. PSSST - it also is amazingly soothing as a hot drink in the evening to boost my immune system before going to sleep and allowing my body to recover overnight. Hit the link in my stories to grab a pack of @lifeseasons Clinical Immunity Elderberry Drink and gummies! Use code CHELSEA for 15% off!

#clinicalimmunity 
#lifeseasonspartner
@lifeseasons
I’ve talked about this before but never to its f I’ve talked about this before but never to its full extent. 

6ish years ago I was working full-time as a doctor’s assistant and coming home to an 8-month-old baby while Josh worked 12-hour shifts until midnight. I was so busy that I felt like I was losing my sense of identity. 

That year I decided to start my blog. I kept it a secret for a while because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to think, “Who does she think she is? We’ve known her for years and she thinks she has something to say??”

But - I loved it! I wrote posts on everything! Random pizza recipes, how my run went that day, marriage, motherhood - I had absolutely no direction. But, I started sharing my blog and got a bunch of great feedback on my marriage and family posts. So, I decided to focus on that because that was, afterall, my favorite thing to write about anyway.

A few months later, I started pinning my posts on Pinterest and educating myself on what it meant to blog well, set up posts for good SEO, how to engage an audience, etc. I had a couple posts go viral on Pinterest and for a few months I had over 350,000 views on my blog/month.

Way late in the game, I started posting to Instagram in 2017. By then we had 2 babies and I had been working with brands for a while so I was able to quit my (at the time) part-time job to stay home with them which I was stoked about! 

Later that year, we packed up our stuff and moved to WA. The original plan was for Josh to find work and for me to continue blogging & be a SAHM. But, after several months later and finding it much harder for Josh to find work than we anticipated, I told him, "Hey, don't feel bad, I don't want you to feel pressure. I will look for work to take some of the pressure off."

So, I started applying for jobs in social media and content marketing. About a month into my search I made a profile on a job-matching platform called @scouted.io. A couple weeks later, I got an email from someone at Scouted saying that they were looking for someone to help with their content and they wanted to have a conversation. 

** Continued in comments **

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