These are lessons I have learned in marriage (and not without some struggle). They are things that I still need to remember to do but I am so thankful for my husband who is very honest with me and has a knack for seeing things as they are. AND, I may add, even if I were amazing at all these points mentioned, my husband would still not find perfect fulfillment in me. The only one he can find that from is Christ, the one who is the reason we love, forgive, and selflessly invest in others. Without Christ, none of this would be possible.
This post is not to say that, in order for our husbands to love us, we need to remain the girl we once were when we first met. It’s not permission for men to “outgrow” their wives as we grow older and mature. But I can bet there are a few little touches that may have been forgotten along the way and, if brought back, both we and our husbands would be mutually happy and feel a new energy within the relationship. Take these tips and see which ones may be relevant to your own relationships.
You no longer laugh at his jokes (or try to make him laugh)
It took about a year into our marriage for me to realize I had gotten to this point. I’m not really sure when it started but I’m sure that somewhere along the way things got busy, things got serious, responsibilities got real, and we got tired. I didn’t even realize on my own that I forgot to let myself have fun with my husband. My poor best friend had to bring it up to me and I immediately felt awful because I knew he was right. Try to take a moment to think about how often you and your spouse laugh together. If you feel like these moments may be few and far between, you may find that you are having a hard time being in the moment with your husband. Rather, you are more concerned with the things you have to get done and/or how tired you may be and/or how he did this thing that kinda annoyed you. I want to encourage you to find time every day to let those things go and enjoy your husband. Make him laugh and don’t take life so seriously. You may find that marriage is much more fun when you spend it with your best friend.
Things aren’t as easily forgiven or forgotten as they used to be.
I once heard someone say something along the lines of “The things that are cute when you’re dating will drive you insane when you’re married.” And in marriage I have found that this could not be more true. For example: While dating, you may barely even notice that bae doesn’t usually show up on time to meet you. And even if you do, his reasons are always legitimate. Whereas in marriage it’s more along the lines of, “Are you freaking kidding me… late again! And there’s always an excuse!” (This is just an example and is more likely the other way around in our marriage). While I’m not suggesting wearing rose-colored glasses to try and overlook your spouse’s shortcomings, I would urge all of us to practice forgiveness. Think about a time when you were forgiven (maybe repeatedly) for some annoying thing you do. Be open and honest with your spouse, tell them how you feel, but err on the side of forgiveness.
You no longer have the time.
There may be some days when you’re husband comes home from work and- guess what- he missed you! He wants to spend time with you! But you find yourself stressed out and/or in go-mode trying to get the things done that need to happen before you can relax. In those moments, try to remember that your husband needs you. He may not come out and say it, there are times when he needs to feel intimate with you aside from sexual moments. Try to be sensitive to those times and when your husband asks to spend time with you, take time to be thankful for it and enjoy it in the moment. Do your best to put your to-do list out of your mind for now and spend/enjoy that quality time with your husband. You’ll both be happier that you did.
You no longer “light the candle”
I don’t even know if that’s a proper sexual innuendo but I suppose anything could be if you think about it too much…
What I mean is, before you two got married, you could probably look at each other and be turned on. But now it might take a little bit more effort on your part. We may think that our husbands are happy as long as there’s some consistency in terms of the frequency of sex, but in reality this isn’t all a man needs in order to feel satisfied in that area. Men have a very deep desire to feel needed, wanted, and respected. That stems out to a lot of areas, including sex. If we just give our husband his weekly, (monthly, yearly) quota and think that he should feel satisfied, then we’re missing a really important (and fun) part of sex! Initiating sex and showing your husband that you are excited to be intimate with him will do wonders to validate and esteem him. Just think of how it might change your man’s day if he was yelled at at work but came home to a woman who finds him sexy and wants to be with him. This can make all the difference in his attitude when he has to head off to work the next morning. Be the one he loves coming home to!
So, what do you think of these points? Do you think husbands should just accept how we’ve changed or is there benefit in remembering our younger selves? Any wisdom to add to these points? I’d love to hear what you have to say! Remember, sharing is caring!