1, 2, or 3?? @balielf making me feel pretty today 1, 2, or 3?? @balielf making me feel pretty today in all these gorgeous colors! 😍
#ad This past weekend I decided to do something re #ad This past weekend I decided to do something really fun for the kids and create a scavenger hunt for them with Kinder Joy eggs at the end! They had so much fun going throughout the house and the yard finding their clues and a special surprise was waiting for them at the end! They had so much fun putting their Jurassic World Dominion surprise together (David is obsessed with dinosaurs 🦖) as well as exploring the app that comes as a download from the Kinder Joy egg! Fun little surprises like these go such a long way and making the kids feel special 💗 
#KinderJoy #JurassicWorldDominion @kinderus
Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
I've been DIYing my hair for five (?) ish years no I've been DIYing my hair for five (?) ish years now and while I can't claim I've always done it perfectly, I've found a great routine that works for my hair and saves so much $$$ in the process!! Are you brave enough to DIY your hair??
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
I think this hairdo is perfect 👌 for anything y I think this hairdo is perfect 👌 for anything you want to do without getting your hair in your face: eating hot wings, riding on a boat, working out, the list goes on. Plus, you can wear it up ⬆️ or down ⬇️
Wife, mom, runner, writer, artist, or just the cle Wife, mom, runner, writer, artist, or just the cleaning lady?? ​😜
Josh is an old soul 🥰 and tonight he and I are Josh is an old soul 🥰 and tonight he and I are going to get to see a band from the 70s that he loves!! Any guesses who it is??
^^ Here's a fun hairstyle for a (date) night out 🌃
I think a sleek pony is honestly so cute for date I think a sleek pony is honestly so cute for date night OR work! I'm always wearing my hair up anyway, right?? Might as well make it cute 🥰
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divorce & separation, engaged, Marriage, Relationships · May 5, 2016

The biggest decision you will make before you get married.

I cannot say enough about the value of having a somber and realistic view of that man across from you. The man you choose to marry (or chose to marry) will let you down one day. He will do something that hurts you. And it probably won’t happen just once. Knowing this, we have decisions to make.

When you were younger, did you ever read love quotes that went something along the lines of this:

The biggest decision you will make before you get married. The biggest decision you will make before you get married.

I think that many times, we grow up thinking that there is one perfect person out there for us. So many people believe that, in fact, that I wrote a post on it here. Instead, I believe the person we marry becomes the one once we marry them; therefore, leaving us without an excuse when our marriage begins to not jive the way it used to when we were younger and happier. We don’t have the thought lurking around our minds that “the one” is still out there somewhere and we sadly missed our chance. Instead, your chance is sitting right in front of you and waiting for you to take it, nurture it, give it some tough love, and stick with it.

BUT that’s not exactly what this post is about.

Today I’m going to be talking about why my husband is not my everything. And he does not complete me.

Along with the thought that there is the perfect “one” out there for you, lies the notion that he, in fact, perfects you. In the back of your mind you know you’re not perfect. You also can admit that, yeah, your significant other isn’t perfect all the time either. You both make mistakes, right? But- mistakes included, your flaws and strengths are what make you perfect for each other!

Until you get married. And then they don’t.

The sad thing is, on many a young woman’s wedding day is the thought that she couldn’t be happier with the man she’s about to say her vows to. Sad? That’s not sad…. Ok. you’re right. That’s not what’s sad. What’s sad is the assumption that she is still going to feel the same way a year from those vows. Or 5 years, or 10 years.

Not to burst your bubble or anything…

… but those cute, annoying habits he has now that you don’t really notice, will (or probably have) become the outward effects of a character trait that drives you up the freaking wall. And while it’s not a sad thing to feel extremely happy, blessed, and optimistic about your future on your wedding day, I cannot say enough about the value of having a somber and realistic view of that man across from you. The man you choose to marry (or chose to marry) will let you down one day. He will do something that hurts you. And it probably won’t happen just once. Knowing this, we have decisions to make.

Some of the best marriage advice:

One of the best pieced of marriage advice I ever got was this: Decide now (before you’re married) what it would take to break you and your husband up. What would he have to do in order for you to leave him? (And then take a look at his character and see if he is the type of person who would run away from the temptations to do those things).

That doesn’t mean he’s doomed to be a horrible person

I love my husband so much. Seriously. When we got married, I knew some of his flaws. It’s not like he had never hurt me or offended me or annoyed me before that point. But for some reason, wanting to marry him made a lot of the things he did really, really forgivable. I’ve always been a sucker for apologies too. Several years later, I find that it’s not so easy to forgive the hurt. Because it’s not the first time, and I know it’s probably not the last. What’s really easy is holding on to my resentment, self-righteous attitude, and pain in order for me to feel better about my own unforgiveness. Because, I think you know, forgiveness is really really hard. Really hard. Because it means you’re not getting justice. And as humans, we crave justice. Forgiveness is never something we really feel like doing. Forgiveness is something we feel like kicking out the door and running away from. But the truth is, a marriage will never ever work if the husband and wife do not learn how to forgive and make the decision to forgive before it’s necessary.

Make the decision to forgive before it becomes necessary #marriage #relationships
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You decide how you will act, before you have to.

I mean, hopefully everything works out fine. In some marriages, it does. But in reality, marriages don’t just “work out.” Marriages take a lot of sweat and tears sometimes. Sometimes your marriage will make you feel sucky. Just being honest. But if both you and your husband are committed to making it work and willing to self-sacrifice and forgive, then yeah, it’ll work out just fine. Marriages, although hard sometimes, really don’t have to be difficult. They just take the mutual understanding that neither of you is going to quit, neither of you will ever be perfect, and both of you are going to need to be forgiven, many times.

Marriages, although hard sometimes, really don’t have to be difficult. #marriage #relationships
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The oxymoron of knowing that your spouse doesn’t complete you

Knowing that your husband does not and will never complete you is actually a pretty freeing thought to apprehend.

A man is a man, he cannot be everything.

Have any of you made the decision like the one I mentioned above? What helps give you the strength to forgive even when you really don’t feel like it? Let me know in the comments below!

Share this post with someone who is preparing to make their marriage vows soon!
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In: divorce & separation, engaged, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: before, character, decision, divorce, engaged, forgiveness, husband, marriage, wife

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Comments

  1. Elyse says

    May 5, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    Spot on! I couldn’t have said it better myself!

  2. Blossom says

    May 5, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Really feeling the last quote: A man is a man; he cannot be everything. I’m not one to put my man on a pedestal, but I do cherish the amount of energy and commitment he gives me. Nonetheless, this is very sound advice. It’s a reality check because everything isn’t always going to be perfect.

    • Chelsea says

      May 10, 2016 at 5:03 pm

      Thanks Blossom! It’s really hard to come to the point where we might need to reevaluate our expectations for out husbands but sometimes it’s really necessary in order to have peace. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  3. Christy F says

    May 5, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    This is what I needed to read today, thank you! Last night my boyfriend and I finished moving everything into our apartment. This is the first time either of us have lived with a significant other. I grew up in a strict Christian family so I know it is a big no no to live with someone before marriage, but he was raised differently and sees it as being the next step before marriage. We decided to compromise on it with the promise of marriage in the end- I told him that I’m not going to a couple who gets comfortable and lives with each other for 4 plus years without marriage. Anyways now that we are more serious it almost seems like we are married. I’m already beginning to see certain habits that might annoy me down the road so this was a great read and gave me some good perspective. I really appreciate you sharing the best marriage advice. I really think that is important especially with our society today. It seems like a lot of couples focus on all the little meaningless things that bug them about their significant other/spouse which ends up ruining the relationship/marriage, but I think it is important to focus on a huge thing that would literally make it or break it, to help put those little things behind in perspective. Usually we forget those annoyances in a few days/ months depending on how much they mean to us. I agree with you on how forgiveness is hard but in all honesty.. In the end I thing it is almost easier to forgive then hold onto the grudge and stay mad at them. I often get in that mad and grudge mode and find myself being exhausted afterwards thinking of other annoyances that happened in the past… sometimes I even forget the actual thing that triggered it! I’m trying to do better about avoiding in getting into that mode, forgiveness is key on both ends.

    • Chelsea says

      May 10, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      SO true, holding grudges can be exhausting. I’ve found myself holding grudges when I didn’t even want to anymore! But my pride was making me hold on. That’s when relationships get really tough. Glad you’ve been able to work though those things in your relationship!
      Chels

  4. Brittany Putman says

    May 9, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    So true! If we rely on our husbands for everything then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. This is definitely something we should think about.

  5. Travel Pockets says

    May 9, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    Definitely things to think about for people who are planning on marriage.

  6. Maryann says

    May 10, 2016 at 2:18 am

    The sentence that hit home was ” forgiveness is hard because it means your not getting justice”. Unless both forgive and commit to making it work it won’t. My husband of eighteen years just decided to quit.
    You are so right you cannot talk to a wall.

    • Chelsea says

      May 10, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      I’m so sorry to hear that, Maryann. My heart hurts for you. Forgiveness is so hard. We just need to remember that Christ will take care of the justice for us and in the meantime, we can draw strength, resilience, and forgiveness from Him. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share!

  7. Angie - WhippedGreenGirl says

    August 2, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    Whoa- I might not have the same story but I related to this post on so many levels. I recently left (the man who I planned on marrying) after almost 9yrs. It was awakening, empowering and the best decision in my life. I always wanted him to be something he wasn’t – if I had married him, I never would have been truly happy (but rather settling…) I’m engaged today to my best friend – sure I’m 34yrs old & saw all my friends marry years back… But I know my decision was the right one for me. Thanks for sharing something so personal- I appreciated it all

  8. Shahen says

    January 23, 2018 at 8:11 am

    I’ve been married for 8 years now and this was the best marriage advice I’ve heard SINCE. Thanks.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over Doing my gosh darned best to manifest spring over here and I think it might be working 😉 Today the kids had TWOsday at school and they were so sweet. David wore a tie (I don't exactly get how it tirles in to Twosday but the kids were happy so..) and Evy "twinned" with a couple of sweet friends in her class. It's so sweet when you see your own kids building their own friendships. It just loosens a little piece of anxiety I've had about parenthood since David was still in my tummy. How did you spend your TWOsday??

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#ad This past weekend I decided to do something re #ad This past weekend I decided to do something really fun for the kids and create a scavenger hunt for them with Kinder Joy eggs at the end! They had so much fun going throughout the house and the yard finding their clues and a special surprise was waiting for them at the end! They had so much fun putting their Jurassic World Dominion surprise together (David is obsessed with dinosaurs 🦖) as well as exploring the app that comes as a download from the Kinder Joy egg! Fun little surprises like these go such a long way and making the kids feel special 💗 
#KinderJoy #JurassicWorldDominion @kinderus
Now that we still have some sunlight hanging aroun Now that we still have some sunlight hanging around after the kids go to bed, my new thing is sipping a glass of wine on the back patio while making small talk with Josh and praying the kids stay in bed.
 
I've been obsessed with cleaning our house recently but I've been so good about it, I have nothing left to clean or tidy right now and I'm left to face the things I don't really want to think about like the fact that I miss my kids when they're at school or how I really want to fill this house up with some more of them 😅 

At any rate, one of my simple pleasures in life is decluttering and purging unused things and I feel like I've accomplished a lot!! What about you?
I've been DIYing my hair for five (?) ish years no I've been DIYing my hair for five (?) ish years now and while I can't claim I've always done it perfectly, I've found a great routine that works for my hair and saves so much $$$ in the process!! Are you brave enough to DIY your hair??
Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growin Being a mom has always meant so much to me. Growing up, I thought it was pretty much all I was cut out to do, which ended up being false. But even though I've learned that I'm capable of so many other things, being a mom is still one of my highest aspirations. As we're getting our home ready for fostering, I can't help but think of how the little one(s) entering our home will feel but also how David and Evy will feel. How will they react if we parent slightly differently? Will they understand that we're working to build trust and connection or will they feel indignant? These are the things I pray about and also speak to the kids about in the days leading up. We're all excited but I have the feeling of heaviness that we don't and won't understand the burden until we're all already carrying it together.
I think this hairdo is perfect 👌 for anything y I think this hairdo is perfect 👌 for anything you want to do without getting your hair in your face: eating hot wings, riding on a boat, working out, the list goes on. Plus, you can wear it up ⬆️ or down ⬇️
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Josh is an old soul 🥰 and tonight he and I are Josh is an old soul 🥰 and tonight he and I are going to get to see a band from the 70s that he loves!! Any guesses who it is??
^^ Here's a fun hairstyle for a (date) night out 🌃
I think a sleek pony is honestly so cute for date I think a sleek pony is honestly so cute for date night OR work! I'm always wearing my hair up anyway, right?? Might as well make it cute 🥰
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