There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?
What’s something you wish you did more since hav What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

I remember a time when life was a blur of getting out of the house to go to work, managing the front desk at a small optometrist’s office, pumping in the bathroom at work, and getting home at 6 (some days, 7:30) for what little cuddles David had left in him before his bedtime at 8. And then you wake up and do it all over again. It was in those early days that I couldn’t remember who I was. And even if I had the time to “be myself” again, I’m not sure I would even choose to do the same things I had liked a few years earlier. I was changing and growing but rarely had the time to even think about how or why. 

Fast forward a few years, and I can say it *does* get easier. It is possible to give much of yourself to your family while still reserving some energy to nurture your own spiritual, physical, and mental health. Of course, when you have a baby that doesn’t want to be anywhere but in your arms, that gets a little more tricky, but that phase doesn’t last long, I’ve learned. 

It was during that crazy time when our first baby was still a baby that I said, “That’s enough! I have no idea who I even am anymore and I’m curious to find out.” So that’s when my blog was born. And from there, it took to Instagram and from there, writing books. 

It’s still a balancing act that I don’t get right much of the time, and most of the time it looks more like a pendulum, where I sway from being a great mom to a mediocre one but a great writer and vice versa. But all that to say, even in the baby era, you can take the time to rediscover who you are, what you love to do, and nurture those areas in your life. 

What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

—

Shout-out to the makers of this GORGEOUS dress that I could literally live in 💙 @daughtersofindia
It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're around that smile 🥰
A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a f A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a few placement calls but they've fallen through (that's how it goes!), we're kind of doing baby-led weaning with Cleo?, Josh and I have been setting up my new desk and I've learned more about keyboards than I ever needed to know 😅 So grateful for this family of mine.
The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without hi The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without him. He grounds us, speaks truth, and shows incredible love and kindness to each of us. I could not think of a better partner for life. 
@joshuadaviddamon
I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's on I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's only one night away, the last time I spent a night away from the kids was over two years ago and the last time I was away from Josh was maybe four?? 

I'm very lucky to feel like I can leave for a couple days without having to worry that the kids will have everything they need, shoutout to @joshuadaviddamon 🩷 

But I will miss them a tonnn. But hey - maybe a night without having to make bottles or little legs kicking me in their dreams will be nice?? Just for one night, tho 😉
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engaged, Marriage, Relationships · June 7, 2018

7 Ways to Better Understand Your Spouse

Whether you’re engaged or you’ve been married for 25 years, this post is for you. I’ve come to find that husbands and wives often, without meaning to, assume things about each other. These assumptions will shape how you judge, forgive, and accept each other for years to come in your marriage. In order to have a relationship where you and your spouse are really jiving and thriving, you’re going to need to understand each other on a very deep level. So, if you’re looking for ways to do that, this post is for you.

Whether you’re engaged or you’ve been married for 25 years, this post is for you. I’ve come to find that husbands and wives often, without meaning to, assume things about each other. These assumptions will shape how you judge, forgive, and accept each other for years to come in your marriage. In order to have a relationship where you and your spouse are really jiving and thriving, you’re going to need to understand each other on a very deep level. So, if you’re looking for ways to do that, this post is for you.

1 | Have both you and your spouse take the Meyers-Briggs personality test

If you’re reading this as a spouse, there’s about a 95% chance you’re the wife (thank you, Google Analytics). As someone who is one half of a married couple and being a friend to many other married couples, I’ll also trust that what I’m about to say is also (mostly) true: you will be much more willing to take a personality test than your husband.

I don’t know why. It’s just a thing. Most all the men I know tend to brush off personality tests. Josh, although he’s interested in our personalities and thinks the tests are credible, hates actually taking the time to go through them and answer the questions. So maybe that’s your husband too. Either way, make them take the test.

This version of the Meyers-Briggs test is only 25 questions long and I’ve found it to be very accurate! It even seemed to narrow down the personality of my conundrum of a husband when the original test couldn’t.

Why should you and your husband take this test?

I actually recommend that you watch each other take the test and see how your spouse answers the questions. But! YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. As hard as it might be to say, “What?! No, you don’t do that!”- don’t. Let your husband answer for himself and make sure he lets you answer for yourself. The reason I recommend watching your husband answer the questions is because your eyes may be opened to things about his personality that you may have seen but never noticed before. Questions like, “Do you perform better under pressure?” or “Do you tend to live in the moment or visualize the future?”

If, after you find out you and your spouse’s results, you want to take the personality test again together to see what you get helping each other with the questions, be my guest. But only do it after they’ve had a chance to complete it on their own. The reason I say to do this is because sometimes I think we can be observant of personality traits that our spouse might not be. Either way, it’s important to read through the specific descriptions of the personality types after taking the test and see if you feel like you agree with what it says or not.

The form you have selected does not exist.

2 | Be the first to open up

I might be the first to say (but you probably thought it before now) that couples often get used to a sort of “norm.” There are certain things they do, and certain things they don’t do. Things they say, and things they don’t say. Without ever even talking about it, couples can establish these norms right under their own noses and I’m sorry to say that they often keep husbands and wives from talking about things.

Say you and your husband have been married for 3 years now (or very possibly longer) and neither of you ever got used to talking to each other about sex. Sure it happens, but do you talk about it? Not really. At least not without code words and PG innuendos. You might wish that you and your husband did talk about sex more openly but he doesn’t seem to be inclined to change that anytime soon so… what do you do?

For lack of a less cliche phrase: “Be the change!”

In my experience, we often hype up the awkwardness in our minds when we want or have to talk about something uncomfortable. In reality, most things are often only as awkward as you make them. And sure, if you and your husband have an unspoken rule of things you usually talk about and things you don’t really discuss, the first time you talk about any of those things may seem forced or awkward. But what I have found to be a good practice when talking about hard or awkward things is to over explain everything! For example, if you’re going to bring up something more or less awkward, maybe start by saying something like, “So I feel like we don’t always talk about this but it’s something that I feel would be healthy to talk about. I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong and I’m certainly not mad, I just thought we could talk about it.”

Caution: don’t just leave it at that. If you open a can of worms, you better be the first one to dive in or else you’re basically going to just catch your husband off guard and scare him to death. If you start a conversation about sex for the first time, don’t expect him to carry the conversation. If it’s about something else like his tone when talking to the kids or he hours he spends at work- whatever- just make sure to over explain yourself and be willing to do most of the talking at first.

This brings me to my next point:

3 | Ask questions

I’ve said this 1000 times before in 1000 past blog posts but I will always say it again. Ask questions! But. Don’t just ask questions. Ask the right questions. I’ve always been keen on asking lots of questions to just about anybody (based on what I’ve learned from my Meryer-s Briggs personality type, I like to learn how people think and why they do what they do). There was a time when I had just started dating a boy in highschool. One night as we were texting, I thought we were having a totally normal conversation when comes back and says to me, “I feel like I’m being interrogated.”

Safe to say that relationship didn’t last long.

This is why the type of questions you ask matters. A lot.

If you want to understand why your husband comes home and has a short temper with you and/or the kids, as much as it may go against your gut instinct, try not to ask, “Why do you always come home with an attitude??”

If you do, get ready to say hello to Mr. Defensive, because he’ll be the one answering that question.

Instead, try to first think of reasons why your husband may be coming home in a bad mood. Maybe work is stressful, maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s just hangry. Rather asking questions like the one above that mostly focus on how his actions make you feel (remember, we’re going against our gut instincts here) try to ask questions that get to the bottom of how your husband is feeling.

At this point, some of you will inevitably be thinking that your husband (if it is the case that he is chronically in a bad mood or something) is responsible for his own actions and that it shouldn’t be up to you to make him better. Maybe in a perfect world. But you, an imperfect person, married an imperfect person. And you have the ability to make most situations worse or better. So let’s work on the things we can control and the things we can improve.

Also read:

RANDOM QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER WHEN YOU’RE EXTREMELY BORED

20 FUN QUESTIONS THAT WILL TELL YOU MORE ABOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

4 | Read a book together

Now you might be thinking that I’m suggesting you read a devotional together. Sure, do that. But that doesn’t have to be the only kind of book you read together. Even reading a fiction novel together can be a great way to create conversation and see into the mind of your spouse. Just as long as you two are able to talk about it together when you’re done reading. If you’re finding that hard to do, maybe you should find a better book!

Here are a few of my favorite marriage books:

  • This Momentary Marriage
  • Sacred Marriage
  • For Women Only and For Men Only
  • Love and Respect
  • Crazy Love (ok, not a marriage book but I guarantee it’ll change your marriage after it changes your life).
  • The 5 Love Languages

Speaking of that last book…

5 | Learn his love language

Honest to goodness, when I am at my most caught up with myself, Josh’s love language is one of the most annoying things. Do you know why? Because it is almost what I imagine to be the complete opposite of my love language. And for a long time, I didn’t realize what his love language was, I just thought it was a weird quirk that annoyed the gardenias out of me. His love language is quality time, which is almost a complete nightmare for someone who’s love language is acts of service, like myself.

I’ll paint a little scenario that happens frequently to help you understand:

I come downstairs and see the house is messy. I’m already stressed out by the work I have to get done that day but who can focus with this mess?! So I start angry cleaning. Josh, who knows exactly what’s happening, senses that I need a little extra love in my life. So the quality time/physical touch person that he is stops me in my tracks (ie. hands wet and greasy from washing the dishes), turns me around, and forces me to give him long a hug. Now, in his world, this is totally making me feel better and less stressed because it would totally do that for him. But for me? I’m just trying to keep my stress pot from boiling over because now he’s keeping me from my angry cleaning.

“Deep breath deep breath deep breath.”

“He loves you he loves you he loves you.”

“Why the HECK isn’t he just helping me clean?!”

“Deep breath deep breath deep breath.”

I can sometimes get so caught up in my angry cleaning and the “fact” that his long hugs help nothing that I almost forget to hug him back rather than just stand there like an awkward robot. I try to remember that he is showing me love the way that he feels love and, although imperfect, is pretty sweet in and of itself.

6 | Spend time with his family

I’m hesitant to say this because it could go one of two ways. You may end up being annoyed by the fact that some of your husbands behaviors have been shaped by the way he was raised or it may just help you understand. When I first met Josh’s family, I was taken back by how open and forward they were with each other because my family was definitely not that way at all. At first, I thought that they were just pretty rude to each other but over time I realized that they all were really good at taking a joke and when they lovingly teased each other, the teased party almost always felt loved rather than offended. This helped me to chillax a bit when Josh would tease me because I could see that he was doing it simply because he wanted to have fun with his wife, not tear me down by pointing out my quirks.

7 | Pay attention to his intentions

Josh and I met at a Christian college where we had convocation every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, each time with a new and interesting speaker. One time, Stephen Covey came to speak, (he’s the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) and I’ll never forget one thing he said: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”

That quote stuck in my mind from this day until now because it is so dang true! How many times do I leave my clothes lying around and figure I’ll come back and put them away later, but I nag Josh and get frustrated when he forgets to clean up after himself when he makes a sandwich? How quickly am I to jump to playing the self-righteous victim?

Also read: HOW PLAYING THE VICTIM WILL SILENTLY DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

If you want to understand your spouse better, you’re going to want to understand them. This is going to have to mean giving them the benefit of the doubt, looking at their intentions, and seeing yourself in a very realistic light (rather than going with a gut instinct of that we are the better person and our spouse is incompetent).

So tell me what you think? Do you have a story where you were really able to get to know your spouse on a deeper level and understand them? How did that happen? What are your biggest struggles when it comes to understanding your spouse? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!!

 

Whether you’re engaged or you’ve been married for 25 years, this post is for you. I’ve come to find that husbands and wives often, without meaning to, assume things about each other. These assumptions will shape how you judge, forgive, and accept each other for years to come in your marriage. In order to have a relationship where you and your spouse are really jiving and thriving, you’re going to need to understand each other on a very deep level. So, if you’re looking for ways to do that, this post is for you.

In: engaged, Marriage, Relationships · Tagged: best friend, better, close, closer, communication, compare, forgiveness, husband, improve, intentions, intimacy, know, marriage, marriage book, open, questions, reason, relationship, spouse, understand

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Comments

  1. Julie says

    June 8, 2018 at 5:34 am

    My biggest struggle in our marriage is him not putting in the work. Don’t get me wrong my husband works hard at work but just not at home. He was raised to work hard at work and the home stuff doesn’t matter. And what I’m mean about not working at home is everything. It’s everything from picking stuff up, cleaning, to sending messages through out the day to say hi. Holidays/birthdays/big events it seems we always fight because he never thinks to get or doing anything to celebrate. We are trying to read a 100 ways to love your spouse together.

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Hi! I'm Chelsea and we're the Damon's. We spent the last two years in WA state paying off student loans and just bought our first house in SC! I love a smooth black coffee, Josh's first love is the Seattle Sounders. Our kids are huge dorks and constantly make us laugh and we all love spending as much time outside as possible.

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There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?

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  • So I know the title of this post says, “What men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below! 5 Things men want most in a wife
  • Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just write a long list to your spouse of all the things he does that drive you insane?? I have done this. 8 of the Worst Marriage Habits
  • Disrespect in marriage can go both ways. Women can react to disrespect from their husbands in many ways. I'm here to share a few positive ways women can react to disrespect in their marriages in order to handle it well and steer their marriage in the direction of grace and kindness again. How to Handle Disrespect in Marriage
  • Sure, they say don’t go to bed while you’re still angry, but sometimes husbands and wives just need some space! That being said, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways (productive and hurtful, if you will) to get space away from a spouse. Let’s talk about those. The Right and Wrong Way To Give Your Spouse Space

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There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my si There's so much to be thankful for! 🤎 All my siblings under one roof again, going to bed each night with my best friend, and the best kids I could ever dream of. 

This year, I've really realllly focused on slowing down. Being 'in the moment' with the kids and doing my best to connect with them a little bit each day. To clean the house because it makes me happy but to also not to let the mess get to me when there's something more important to do, and sometimes that thing is just sitting on the couch with my loves. I've learned to work hard at my job but also close the laptop at the end of the day and walk away. I've learned that social media is a great place to connect with people, not EvErYtHiNg needs to be shared and no one goes hungry when I don't post for a few days. 

So many lessons I'm grateful to have had this year because we are better for them 🤎🤎🤎
A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet A little more on our first 24 hours with our sweet cradle care placement. She's now with her adoptive parents and I feel so blessed that we could be a small part of her story. We're continuing to pray for her, her bio mom, and her new family as they adjust to all the things that come with first-time parenthood. It was so hard to say goodbye but I'd do it 1000 more times!
The last time we had a cradle care placement I got The last time we had a cradle care placement I got a lot of questions about what cradle care is and how people can get involved in it. I wanted to create a longer video about what our first 24 hours was like with a new cradle care placement and then I realized reels can only be 90 seconds! 😅 So here's the first part of my cradle care rundown. Let me know what questions you have!
The other day I saw a comment on a post saying tha The other day I saw a comment on a post saying that if you choose to have children, they should take priority in your life and everything else comes second, including your marriage. Well, sure, while it's your responsibility to do right by your kids and raise them to the best of your ability, I think putting your marriage first actually does just that in many ways. Here are a few I thought of:

Putting your marriage first teaches your kids that they're not the center of the universe. We can make our kids feel special and meet all of their emotional needs while not teaching them that they are always first. It would be a rude awakening for them once ther leave our home if we do. 

Putting your marriage first gives your children a huge sense of stability. If there is instability in your life that you can't control, they'll continue to look to you and your spouse as their guiding light through it. 

Putting your marriage first also teaches our kids how they should treat their spouse one day. They'll learn how to handle conflict, how to stay unified, how to sacrificially serve each other. If kids get the massage that they come first, they may very well treat their future spouse that way as well. 

Would you add anything to this list?
What’s something you wish you did more since hav What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

I remember a time when life was a blur of getting out of the house to go to work, managing the front desk at a small optometrist’s office, pumping in the bathroom at work, and getting home at 6 (some days, 7:30) for what little cuddles David had left in him before his bedtime at 8. And then you wake up and do it all over again. It was in those early days that I couldn’t remember who I was. And even if I had the time to “be myself” again, I’m not sure I would even choose to do the same things I had liked a few years earlier. I was changing and growing but rarely had the time to even think about how or why. 

Fast forward a few years, and I can say it *does* get easier. It is possible to give much of yourself to your family while still reserving some energy to nurture your own spiritual, physical, and mental health. Of course, when you have a baby that doesn’t want to be anywhere but in your arms, that gets a little more tricky, but that phase doesn’t last long, I’ve learned. 

It was during that crazy time when our first baby was still a baby that I said, “That’s enough! I have no idea who I even am anymore and I’m curious to find out.” So that’s when my blog was born. And from there, it took to Instagram and from there, writing books. 

It’s still a balancing act that I don’t get right much of the time, and most of the time it looks more like a pendulum, where I sway from being a great mom to a mediocre one but a great writer and vice versa. But all that to say, even in the baby era, you can take the time to rediscover who you are, what you love to do, and nurture those areas in your life. 

What’s something you wish you did more since having kids?

—

Shout-out to the makers of this GORGEOUS dress that I could literally live in 💙 @daughtersofindia
It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're It's not possible to be in a sour mood when you're around that smile 🥰
A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a f A few photos of life lately. We've said yes to a few placement calls but they've fallen through (that's how it goes!), we're kind of doing baby-led weaning with Cleo?, Josh and I have been setting up my new desk and I've learned more about keyboards than I ever needed to know 😅 So grateful for this family of mine.
The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without hi The absolute best dad 🤍 We'd be lost without him. He grounds us, speaks truth, and shows incredible love and kindness to each of us. I could not think of a better partner for life. 
@joshuadaviddamon
I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's on I leave tomorrow for a work trip and while it's only one night away, the last time I spent a night away from the kids was over two years ago and the last time I was away from Josh was maybe four?? 

I'm very lucky to feel like I can leave for a couple days without having to worry that the kids will have everything they need, shoutout to @joshuadaviddamon 🩷 

But I will miss them a tonnn. But hey - maybe a night without having to make bottles or little legs kicking me in their dreams will be nice?? Just for one night, tho 😉
It was just about a year ago that I sat in this ve It was just about a year ago that I sat in this very chair to take pregnancy announcement photos and here she is today, all smiles and two teeth. I can’t believe in the year year she grew in my tummy and now she’s here and we couldn’t imagine life without her.

Ps. I'm obsesseddd with her sweet sweater 🥰 @reesemyersco

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